Freaky Fridays
by Hetahomostuck
Summary: It all started on France's birthday... America and Russia didn't expect this to be caused by one simple cake! Now every Friday they are faced with something different. Great. At least they have quite a bit of chaos to cause... Based extremely loosely off of the movie "Freaky Friday" Varied!Ivan/Varied!Alfred
1. Happy Birthday, France!

**This is my first fanfiction, so go easy on me… This has been on my mind for a while.**

**I don't own Hetalia!**

**Thursday night, around 8:00 pm  
**

France shuffled down the dark, depressing street. Rain drizzled down to make an even more depressing mood. Every street lamp he passed turned off as if they were trying to depress him even more. France was really depressed.

"How could they have forgotten my birthday? I know I'm not the most loved of the nations, but that doesn't mean they have to forget that I exist." France dragged his feet up the steps of his front porch before digging in his pocket for his keys. "I'll be sure to remember this on their birthdays!" he jammed his key through the doorknob in frustration. "I'll show them! I'll give myself my own birthday party!" He grinned. "And it'll be better than America's!" France's vengeful grin dropped. "Happy birthday to me…" When he opened the door, a deadly silence traveled through his house. The only noise was the echo of the eerie creaking of the door. Then he turned on the light switch…

"SURPRISE (aru, da-zee)!" France suddenly saw all the nations in his living room. They had on party hats and roses. There were banners on the wall that said "Happy Birthday, France" and the room was decorated with roses and irises, his two favorite flowers. The French flag was posted on the walls next to the banners. France reacted to this like any man would do: He shrieked and ran out of his house.

Five minutes later, France processed what he had seen and stepped into his house again.

"… Surprise!" America repeated with his 1000 watt smile. Almost everyone else rolled their eyes. France, however, smiled and hugged the American.

"Mon dieu I thought everyone forgot my birthday!" France released America from his death hug.

"Yeah, dude! We just wanted to throw a surprise party for you! I can't believe you didn't see that coming!"

"Of course, this was America's idea. Only he would come up with something so cliché." England commented, taking a sip of his tea, which was weird because France didn't have any tea in his house…

"It may be cliché but it sure is effective!" America stuck his tongue out at England.

"Can we please just start the party, aru?" China interrupted. However, no one was against this decision, so thus said, the party was started.

***THIS IS A TRANSITION***

Conversations traveled throughout the room as everyone was being their typical selves. Belarus was chasing Russia, who hid behind Lithuania. Lithuania started flirting with Belarus, which didn't end well. America was poking his nose into other nations' business. England was arguing with France. China was trying to control the other Asian nations, except for Japan who was talking to Greece about cats. Turkey was avoiding Greece. Egypt said nothing. Italy was talking to Germany about pasta. Germany was being irritated. Romano was glaring at Germany and ignoring a certain Spaniard (*cough*Tsundere*cough*) who was trying to get his attention. Prussia was being awesome and recognizing Canada. Estonia was being a boss. Switzerland was busy arguing with Austria while Hungary watched. And Sealand was playing with Latvia and Liechtenstein. It's safe to say that everyone was having a great time.

***ANOTHER TRANSITION***

Presents were being opened. France opened England's first. His present consisted of a lovely England-made poem, a vibrant red rose that England grew himself, a teddy bear, and a pass for a week off of his restraining order. Needless to say, France was beyond happy. He hugged and kissed a blushing England, which resulted in some other nations going "Awwww…"

"Shut up!" England shouted, his face redder than Romano's tomatoes. The rest of the presents consisted of new clothes, beauty supplies, condoms, a white fluffy cat (courtesy of Greece), and much, much more.

Overall, it was great… Until it came time to eat the cake…

"Stop eating like a pig, Amerika. You are getting cake all over my scarf." Russia gave America one of his famous "I'm-going-to-eat-your-soul" smiles. America wasn't fazed. In fact, he was just angry. He was so angry that he decided that Russia's face should meet his cake. And do you want to know what that lead to?

A VERY.

PISSED.

OFF.

RUSSIAN.

And so, to make a long story short, their small argument turned into a huge food fight within the nations. Children were screaming for mercy. The winds were howling in denial. The thunder clapped with glee. Rain fell to the earth below. Cake made some acquaintances with the walls. Pizza was shoved down throats. And everyone was having fun!

That is… until a gunshot was heard.

Everyone turned their attention to the first person they could think of that had a gun: Switzerland. He had his rifle strapped to his back, but other than that, he looked clean of any threats. He also looked confused.

"What? I didn't do anything." This made the others wonder… _'Then who was it?'_

"Ah! Stupid commie bastard!" All attention was turned to America… Who was being strangled by Russia… Who had a bullet in his shoulder. You can assume what happened between them, right?

"Mon dieu can you please take it outside! I don't want you two making my house messier than it already is!" France shouted while still being choked by England. America opened his mouth to protest but one look from France shut him up. "_Now." _France looked extremely pissed.

Both Russia and America reluctantly shuffled out the door, grumbling.

"Stupid commie! Look what you did!" shouted the American. Russia smiled.

"Me? I believe it was you who shoved the cake into my face, da?"

"S-Shut up!"

"What is wrong? You look like you are having a hard time with comebacks."

"I said SHUT UP!"

"I have every right to speak as I please. It surprises me that you gave up your cake to smash it in my face. I expected you to just eat it all."

"Are you calling me greedy?"

"Indirectly, yes."

"Indirect- Oh now you're gonna get it!"

And that was when America started choking Russia. He does realize he has a gun, right? Oh well…

***AFTER THE PARTY***

"Ugh. What are we going to do about these two? They always argue!" England complained, picking up trash off of France's floor.

"I honestly don't know, Angleterre… Maybe they're in love? After all, that's how we came to be~" France scrubbed cake off the walls. England chuckled. "Those two? I honestly don't think so! They go together like peanut butter and chalk!"

France picked up a wooden wand that England left on the table. "Is there a certain spell you know that can… bring people closer?" England snorted.

"Of course! Why do you ask?"

"Angleterre, let's find out how well peanut butter and chalk can go together…"

**So… that's the first chapter! Hopefully, I did a good job. I have no beta reader but myself and it seems legit, but if you point out any typos, I'll give you a batch of cyber cookies!**

**Reviews are gratefully accepted… if anyone reads this…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	2. In Soviet America and Capitalist Russia

**I'm gonna skip the whole scene where France and England do the spell. That will be for later chapters… ;)**

**Italics are for thoughts and sound effects.**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia, I don't own Miley Cyrus, I don't own the Apple devices, I don't own the company who makes Xboxes and other game devices, I don't own any superheroes or other references made in the story, and I don't own a taco, which I have a strange craving for…**

**Friday morning. About 9:00 AM (Moscow time). Russia's house.**

"_Bzzzzt! Bzzzzt! Bzz-"_

Alfred smashed the alarm clock with one hand, breaking it. "Ugh. Five more minutes…"

A few seconds passed before his eyes shot open. _Wait a minute! My alarm only plays radio! _That was when he realized that he wasn't in his room.

The empty walls were painted a pale yellow color instead of the sky blue of Alfred's room. Not only that, but there were no superhero posters, no movie shelves, no Xboxes and other game devices, and absolutely no mess on the floor. A desk sat on the left side of the room. It had a fancy computer on it with a vase full of sunflowers on the left of it. On the other side of the computer was a framed picture of Ivan when he was young next to younger versions of his sisters out in the snow. Next to the desk was a fancy wooden dresser. On the other side was a small trash bin full of crumpled up pieces of paper. On the other side of the room were a bookshelf and the bathroom door. Alfred looked ahead of himself to see a small TV on a small table. That was when Alfred dared to look down under the purple bed sheets to see a pale, but muscular, toned body in nothing but Russian flag-print underwear.

_What the fuck? _That was all his mind could process at the moment. _WHAT THE FUCK? _

**At about the same time (Eastern US time). America's house.**

"_It's a party in the USA-"_

Ivan smashed the alarm clock… as well as the table. He felt extremely tired for some reason. Ivan was usually a morning person, but this time it was different. Suddenly Ivan realized that the alarm was playing Miley Cyrus instead of just buzzing…

….

Ivan jolted awake. _Party in the USA?_ _Since when did my alarm clock play that?_ Ivan looked around his (?) room. There were superhero posters all over the sky blue walls. The room was so messy that you could just barely see the floor. There was a desk on the left side of the room with extremely clattered paperwork surrounding an Apple Mac. In front of the Superman bed was a flat screen TV surrounded by game systems and video games. Next to the game systems sat what was supposed to be a small bookshelf that was stock full of CDs and DVDs. There was a bathroom door on the right side of the room. The whole room had a modern, cluttered, and _American _atmosphere. Ivan hated where this was going. He observed his tanned arms that were muscular, but still smaller than they usually were. He also realized that he was wearing Batman pajamas and hugging a stuffed eagle plushy. He lifted his hand to feel his cheeks. A soft, blonde lock of hair found its way on his forehead, slightly blocking his eyesight. It was only then that Ivan noticed that he smashed the nightstand into smithereens. Next to it laid a crooked pair of glasses on the floor…

That was when Ivan dashed into the bathroom.

*MEANWHILE, IN CAPITALIST RUSSIA*

Alfred found himself staring at the bathroom mirror. He didn't see his reflection. And no, he wasn't a vampire. Instead of his own reflection, he saw that of a certain commie's reflection. Those stupidly beautiful violet eyes… That pale, childish face… That silvery, soft hair… No. It can't be!

Alfred rubbed his eyes and blinked rapidly. It CAN'T be! Alfred ran "his" hand through "his" hair to "his" face, down to "his" chest, until suddenly…

"_PLOP!"_

The bloody object fell into the sink. It was still bleeding and beating. Can you guess what it is? If you guessed "his" heart, you are correct! Take this cyber cookie.

Alfred stared at it in horror. _No way! It IS true! I'm Russia!_

…

He grinned as he picked up the heart.

"I'm gonna do so many weird things to his body! … That sounded a lot less wrong in my mind…"

*IN SOCIALIST AMERICA*

Ivan couldn't believe what he was seeing. That was probably because his vision was a little blurry. He glared at the glasses in his hand and sighed before putting them on. Suddenly, the whole world was clear again. He glared at the deep blue eyes that were glaring back at him. If looks could kill, that mirror would've been in pieces. Wait… Mirrors can't die… Ivan sighed once again.

"No. I'm that capitalist pig?"

…

_Might as well take advantage of this!_

*FIVE MINUTES LATER*

Ivan would've taken advantage of this if he hadn't seen a duplicate of America in the kitchen cooking pancakes. _What the-_

"Good morning, Al." the clone said, interrupting his thoughts. Ivan just stared at him. The clone sighed.

"I'm Canada, Your "younger" brother, AKA Mattie."

Ivan still stared blankly. "Mattie" rolled his eyes and continued cooking. Ivan just walked out of the kitchen in a highly awkward manner. He saw a cell phone on the dining room table. Apparently it was America's. He searched through the contacts until he reached the one that read: "Commie". Rolling his eyes, he decided to call his house and see if Alfred would answer. Indeed, he did.

"Sup."

"America, can you tell me why I am you? And why is there a clone of you cooking pancakes?"

"I don't know about the first question, but that's not a clone cooking pancakes. That's my brother, Canada. I call him Mattie."

"So he was serious when he said he was my brother… That reminds me, you didn't see my sister did you?"

"Marry me, big brother!" another voice shouted on the other line. Speak of the devil.

"D-Do I need t-to answer that?"

"N-Nyet…"

"Big brother! Get back here!"

"I can't talk right now! Oh shi- Back demon! Back!"

"Who are you talking to, big brother? Give me that!"

"America-"

"_Click!"_

Ivan sat there in silence as the tone played on the cell phone. Canadia-Was that his name?-set the pancakes on the table.

"Dig in!" he said. Ivan didn't eat. "I have to go somewhere, Marty, see ya!" Ivan dashed out the door to book a flight to Moscow, Russia. He was going to have a long talk with Alfred.

Canada watched him run out the door, frowning.

"My name is Mattie…"

A small polar bear cub waltzed into the room and stared blankly at the Canadian. "Who are you?"

"I'm Canada!"

**So? How was it? I'm using the human names to prevent confusion. However, everyone calls each other by their country names, unless they're close. I'm going to keep that whole "Who's Canada?" joke going. Sorry Canada fans.**

**Oh yeah, and about the stuffed eagle… I've always pictured Alfred being childish enough to sleep with a stuffed animal. And what better stuffed animal for America himself than a bald eagle plushy?**

**If you were wondering why there were quotation marks when Mathew said he was America's younger brother, that is because he is actually older by three days. Canada day is July 1****st****, and Independence Day is July Fourth. And I'm just going by those date as their "official" birthdays.**

**Next chapter: Ivan and Alfred try to talk things out while avoiding Belarus. They also try to act like each other. Hilarity is sure to happen.**

**R&R! If you point out any typos, I'll let Ivan and Alfred hug you!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	3. Screwing With Your Life

**Update is here peoples! I WAS going to update yesterday, but my parents were hogging the computer. And this is the only one with Microsoft word!**

**DISCLAIMER: Do you think I would be writing this if I owned Hetalia?**

**All I have to say is someone is going to get hurt. **

**Russia's house. 8:45 PM (Moscow time).**

"Amerika, get down from there."

"No! She's too scary!"

"She's not here. Now get down from my roof!"

"No!"

"Are you going to stay up there all night?"

"N-Yes!"

"Fine. But the weather forecast says-"

Suddenly, it started pouring down rain. Ivan took out an umbrella and smirked as Alfred jumped down from the roof. "Not cool, man."

"What are you talking about? I can't control the weather."

"But you ARE Russia! And this land that we're standing on is Russian commie land! You should have some control. Therefore, I'm blaming you!"

"Oh really? So were you the cause of Hurricane Hugo? It happened in America. Does that mean that those poor American families that had to face it should blame you? Besides, I'm America now. You should be blaming yourself."

Alfred's left eye twitched. "Stupid commies trying to turn everything back on me…" He muttered as Ivan dragged him inside.

Ivan closed the umbrella and rested it on the dining room table. "I guess we're stuck like this until we get some help. So, in order to keep things as orderly as possible, we should learn how to act like each other. I made this on the way here." Ivan took a small booklet out of nowhere and slid it across the table towards Alfred. His violet eyes narrowed as he read the text:

How to be the Russian Federation

Alfred scoffed. "HA! Like hell I need this! And I have to do is threaten people sweetly, stay calm, be afraid of you bat-shit crazy sister, and act like a creepy commie bastard all the time! This is too easy!"

Ivan sighed. "You should also watch your language. I don't curse much. I really suggest that you read my book. There's so much more to being me than what you're saying. I thought we covered this during the Cold War."

Alfred's eyes flashed when Ivan mentioned the Cold War. That was a terrible time for the two of them as well as their citizens. "Fine. I'll read the damn book."

"Are you sure? Or are you just going to ignore me and throw it aside before messing up my life?"

Alfred chuckled at Ivan's remark. "That's exactly what I was gonna do! You're smarter than you come off to be!" Ivan stared at Alfred. "You sounded just like me when I talk to you…"

"What?"

"You sounded just like me! This is a great start!"

"Oh no! Your commie-ness is rubbing off on me! I knew nothing good would come of this!" Alfred started banging his head on the wall. Ivan rolled his eyes. _Idiot…_

"Russia is not communist anymore, Alfred. If you are going to be Russia, you're going to have to remember that. Stop being so paranoid."

"This is stupid!" Alfred ripped the booklet in half. "I don't even like you! Why should I keep things in order?" He stormed out of the house. Ivan didn't go anywhere and smirked at the Ameri- no, "Russian".

"Five, four, three, two…"

Alfred came back into the house and stomped his foot. "Get out of my house!"

With a smirk on his face, he left. _How is it that I make him so angry that he's willing to yell at himself? Oh well… If he wants to mess up my life, I'll surely mess up his…_

*GUESS WHAT? THIS IS A TRANSITION*

"_Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you~" _Alfred was currently upstage singing karaoke at the local bar. Russians were clapping and laughing at "their country" for singing such a song. Japan happened to be at that bar with S. Korea for some odd reason. He took out his camera and began recording. _Wait until Hungary sees this…_

"Russia" partied all night, as well as "embarrassed himself". And guess who got all that on camera?

*BARRELS!*

As for "America", he already had Italy strapped up in a chair. He picked up his cell phone and waited for the other to pick up.

"What is it, America?"

"Hello, Germany."

"Ve~ Help me, Germany!"

"What are you doing to Italy?"

"Come and find out."

"Geeeeeermanyyyyyyy! Ouch!"

"Shut up."

*FOUR DAYS OF EMBARRASSMENT LATER*

"Russia, you're drunk." Ivan said to "himself".

"Wut're ya callin' me Russia *hic* for?" Alfred was sitting at the dining room table, drunk off his ass. That's a pretty funny image: Russia drunk off his ass, singing random songs. I'd look surprised too, if I saw myself drunk in the dining room…

"How much did you drink in the past five days?"

"About five… maybe *hic* twenty…"

"Twenty whats?"

"Maybe two hundr-hic-ed."

"Like I said, you're drunk."

"You're sexy."

Ivan face-palmed. "I just came here to say that I'm done with messing with your life. By the way, the President was quite surprised when he saw "you" walk into his office in only your underwear."

"You didn't!"

"Da, I did."

"You commie bastard!" Alfred seemed to immediately become sober as he tackled the "American" to the ground. But then he stopped.

"What's wrong?" Ivan was suddenly worried as to why Alfred stopped fighting. But then he stopped worrying when Alfred answered.

"I can't beat myself up. I'm too cute!" Ivan rolled his eyes. _What an egotistical pig._

"Hey! I'm not an egotistical pig!" Alfred shouted. Ivan was greatly confused. _Did he just read my mind?_

"Hells yeah! I discovered that we could read each other's minds! It started when you thought about choking in that argument we had the other day! Could you not read my thoughts?"

"No." Ivan thought. _That's because you never think._

_Shut up._

_Oh. Well would you look at that! You can think!_

_Cut it out, Snowflake._

_Snowflake? Is that my new nickname? At least it's better than "commie bastard"._

_Man I want a hamburger…_

_Typical Alfred: to think about hamburgers in the middle of an argument._

_I'm leaving now._

The two of them stopped reading each other's thoughts. It was giving them headaches. Alfred was the first to speak up.

"Damn, my head hurts…"

"Mine does, too. Wait a minute... Is today Tuesday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Tomorrow is the world conference."

**Alright! So that's about it! The song Alfred was singing at the bar was "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. I was going to do the song "What is Love", but I thought it would be funnier if the people in the Russian bar got Rick Rolled. You guy get that reference, right? If not, look it up. I'm sure Google nailed it. I have also decided that world conferences were held on Wednesdays once a month. I don't care if it's not true! Fuck logic! *Ahem* Sorry.**

**Whoever gets the BARRELS reference will get to be mentioned in this story! I'll give you a hit: It's about a YouTube star. As for the "You're drunk, You're sexy" thing, that came from Family Guy.**

**Next Chapter: Russia and America Finally try to act like each other at the world conference. Also, Germany, Italy, Japan, and Hungary have some interesting news for the other nations.**

**Until next time,**

**Hasta la Pasta!**

**Italy: PASTA!**


	4. Nyan Cats and Awesomeness

**Hola, Amigos! I'm back with chaptah four! I also want to say I was wrong about Canada's birthday being July 1****st****. It's actually on the 3****rd****. Thank you for the correction, guest! I am highly aware of the fact that America got its independence long before Canada, but I wanted him to be older just because he's more mature. Don't judge me. I literally forgot most of what I learned about Canada. That is no joke. My school didn't focus on Canada for too long…**

**After this chapter I'm skipping Thursday and going straight to Friday for Alfred and Ivan's next surprise!**

**Italics are for thoughts and sound effects as well as flashbacks. Oh yeah, and word emphasis.**

**Main pairings of this chapter: FrUK, hinted GerIta, and pop tart cats… What?**

**Disclaimer: Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan… Oh, sorry. I own nothing! I shouldn't listen to Nyan Cat while writing…**

**World Conference. Washington DC, America.**

The world conference was chaos, as usual. Just like every time, no one was getting along. "Russia" and "America" both looked incredibly bored.

_Why don't we get anything done? _"America" thought.

_I know right? World conferences used to be fun! Now it's just tedious! _"Russia" found his way into "America's" thoughts again. "America" ignored it.

_Stop reading my thoughts. Why don't you go torment the Baltics? They are incredibly fun to torture!_

_No way dude! That's stupid! Besides, Lithuania is my friend!_ _Why don't you go annoy England or something?_

_No. He's fighting with France, anyway. Go drink some vodka. Act more like me._

_No way! I'm doodling!_

_I'm getting that headache again…_

_Ugh. Me too. Let's stop._

"Hey! Why are you two staring at each other like that?" Both of them turned their heads towards Prussia. Everyone else froze in their fighting. England and France let go of each other. Turkey dropped Greece on the floor. Romano sopped cursing out Germany. And- well you get the point.

"Big brother, I told you not to come back into the conference room! Remember what happened the last time you went to a conference?" Germany finally spoke up. Prussia suddenly looked like he was staring off into space.

_***FLASHBACK OF AWESOMENESS!* **_

_"Kesesesesese! The awesome me has arrived! Mustard!" _

"_Ve~ What?" Italy suddenly got a face full of mustard. The sad thing was he h ad his eyes open. This whole thing happened before Italy decided to keep his eyes closed in 2000. Germany was pissed._

"_Gilbert! This isn't funny! Put that mustard down now!" Prussia laughed once again._

"_Dude! That wasn't awesome at all! You shouldn't hurt Italy like that!" America blurted out. England raised his hand. "For once, I agree with the git. That wasn't nice!" France, as well as some others who bothered to pay attention agreed._

"_Whatever!" Prussia shot mustard into the American's face. America was not amused. Not long later, America was chasing Prussia around with his nifty gun in hand, blindly shooting everywhere._

"_Russia, why don't you stop them?" Spain suggested to said Russian. Russia just sat there with a bag of popcorn. "Why should I? This is entertaining. I sit back and enjoy show."_

_Ever since then, Italy almost never opened his eyes again._

*END FLASHBACK*

"Oh yeah… I was drunk that day…" Prussia grinned before suddenly remembering the topic. "Russia!"

"Huh? What is it-" "America" said. Then he cupped his hand over his mouth. "Russia" laughed out loud, falling backwards out of his chair.

"Nice going, dude! That was real smooth of you!" I agree. That wasn't smart.

Everyone in the conference room looked extremely confused, even the ones who barely ever show any emotion at all. Only France and England weren't confused, already knowing what's going on between the two.

…

"What just happened?" Egypt said aloud. An awkward silence traveled throughout the room. Then Turkey shouted.

"Egypt! You can talk?"

Egypt didn't answer. And even if he did, he would've been interrupted since Hungary burst in through the doors with Japan at her side. "Guy! I have some pretty spicy videos to show you!" Before anyone could protest, she inserted the disc into the computer that was currently showing Germany's power point through the projector. And then everyone saw what Japan filmed at the bar and what Hungary filmed with Germany to show what the "American" had done. To make a long story short, it didn't end well at all.

*I DON'T KNOW HOW TO USE LINE BREAKS*

When they all exited the building, the first thing Alfred did was hit Ivan upside the head with a nifty pipe he found in his coat. "Stupid American! You make me look bad! And yes, that was a "Courage the Cowardly Dog" reference!" It took Ivan about half a minute to process what Alfred had just said. It took another one for him to figure out what "Courage the Cowardly Dog" was. When he did, he smacked Alfred across the face, which felt awkward since he was pretty much smacking himself. He regretted it.

That's because he didn't try as hard as he could! He took out his new gun. That's right, Ivan. Smack him with a gun. Alfred just stared at him, touching his now red cheek.

"Did you just smack me?"

"Da. Is there a problem?"

"No. That was just… kinda weak."

"Da. I know." Then Ivan shot him in the shoulder.

"Ouch! What the hell?"

"You said it was weak. So I accepted your challenge."

"Stupid commie…"

The two of them went their separate ways, going to their houses.

…

They came back then went to each other's houses, mumbling.

Secretly, France and England were watching the whole thing. France turned to England. "Angleterre, I think your spell is working. The two of them don't dwell on their arguments for too long. They also don't hurt each other as badly as before."

"Yeah, you're right! Of course, I saw this coming! My spells always work! You know, this is just like old times! We used to be spies, remember?" France held himself back from commenting on England's mostly failed spells. He was trying to avoid arguing.

"Oui, I do! It's just like old times! The only difference is that you used to look so good in a tux. What happened? Did you age?" So much for avoiding an argument.

"Oh shut up you git! I still look good in a tux! And I'll stay handsome! You don't look too pretty in a tux either!"

"I disagree. I look good in anything!"

"Not after I'm done with you!" Arthur put up his fists.

"You think you could beat me, mon cher?" France went into a sparring stance.

"Yes! And I'll do it damn well, too!"

The two of them began to fight again.

Ah, love. It hurts.

*NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN*

Alfred came out of the (closet. Lol just kidding) shower, running his fingers through his silvery hair. Throughout this whole week, the most awkward thing Alfred had ever done was take a shower. The second was peeing, but that's beside the point. No matter how much he showered, he still freaked out but tried to ignore it, failing. He just couldn't get over the fact that he was washing the Ruski's body instead of his own. It was just… AWKWARD! It wasn't even creepy anymore. He wasn't really the most mature person when it came to that stuff if you know what I mean. As soon as he got into his room, he was quite surprised.

"Hello Big Brother~" It was none other than Belarus. She had a shiny new knife in her hand. Alfred screamed like a little girl in a horror movie and ran out of the house like a man. He ran down the block half naked until he reached a certain Russian-American's house. (Russia has a house in America. In fact, all the other countries do because it's the second most visited place for world conferences. England is first. These are facts I made up. :P) Alfred didn't care if he was half naked. He just knocked on the door frantically. He turned behind himself to see the Belarusian running towards him from down the street. He turned back and knocked harder.

… No answer.

He finally kicked down the door to see "himself" standing in front of the knocked over door. Ivan opened his mouth to say something most likely smug but shut it when he saw Belarus charging towards them. He screamed just like how Alfred did earlier and jammed the door back into the doorway before dragging Alfred with him upstairs. Both of them hid under the bed and listened for Belarus' banging and shouts. They could easily be heard from up there, but it sounded like it was coming from downstairs.

*FIVE, YES, FIVE HOURS LATER*

Ivan must've jammed that door pretty well because Belarus eventually gave up and walked home, disappointed. Both Alfred and Ivan crawled out from under the bed.

"Dude, you have one crazy sister."

"Da, I know."

"Can I stay here for the night? After all, it's _my _house."

"Sure why not? After all, it _is _Belarus."

"Yeah… Thanks, man."

"Oh, one more thing."

"What?"

"You're sleeping on the couch."

**So? How was it this time? Did it entertain you? *cough*That'sWhatSheSaid*cough* I might be getting a new beta reader soon. Probably this Monday by the earliest. Thank you, ninjakat! Does anyone know the whole BARRELS reference? If not, it's from this YouTube star named Pewdiepie. He's a Swedish video game commentary dude that's freaking hilarious. His worst enemies are barrels. Any who, about that "Courage the Cowardly Dog" reference, I just wanted to put that in there. I don't know. I really don't.**

**Love-hate relationships are awesome, aren't they?**

**Next chapter: Friday. Nuff said.**

**If you point out any typos, I'll give you a box of cyber chocolates and a fluffy bunny.**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	5. Of Maple Syrup and Cookies

**FINALLY THE NEXT FRIDAY! Prussia fans are probably going to hate me for this chapter, but it's all in the plot. I have absolutely nothing against him, I swear. He's too awesome to hate! Anyway…**

**This chapter contains a bunch of PusCan and cuteness. Hilarity is sure to ensue. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I don't even own this computer…**

**Washington DC, America. 8:59 AM. (Eastern US time)**

Thursday was quite uneventful. Alfred flew back to Russia, Ivan told him that Mattie was coming to visit, and they helped France with a little… pest control…

Yep! Everything is fine! Alfred got used to the whole body-switching thing and everything is getting better! He waited for that dumb alarm to go off and play that ear piercing buzzing noise that that Ruski set up for an alarm. At least it's sure to wake you up…

"_It's Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday~"_

Ah, there it is… Wait a minute! That's no buzzing noise! Alfred tried to reach for the alarm clock so he could smash it to bits. The last thing he wanted to hear in the morning is Rebecca Black. For some reason he couldn't reach… He opened his eyes just to squint them, for his vision was terrible. Finally identifying the alarm clock to his touch, he tried to smash it, but right when he tried to do so, he fell off his bed. After landing on the floor with a thud, Alfred was desperately trying to find the nightstand so he could turn that horrid music off.

"Where is it? Where is it?" Alfred mumbled and stumbled closer to the nightstand. The alarm clock seemed to be playing louder.

"_Partyn'! Partyn'! Yeah! Partyn'! Partyn'! Yeah! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Lookin' forward to the-"_

"Aha! There it is!" He smashed the clock to smithereens. "Now I don't have to listen to that- Why is my voice so high? And why was "Friday" playing on Russia's alarm clock? I could've sworn it was set to… UNLESS- NO! IT CAN'T BE! IS IT FINALLY OVER?" He groped around for his glasses. When he found them and put them on, he saw his own room. Alfred was so happy that he looked like he was about to blow a gasket. He dashed into the bathroom to make sure it was true.

That was when Alfred realized that the sink was taller than him. He climbed up the toilet and onto the sink. He looked into the mirror to get quite the surprise. Staring back at him through the alternate parallel universe that is a mirror was a much younger version of himself. His glasses looked too big on his chubby face and his hair was a lighter shade of blonde than it used to be… or maybe will be… This is confusing. He also noticed that he was wearing the same thing as when he first met England: a little white robe with a small red bowtie.

"No way! I'm a colony again! I have to tell Russia!"

Alfred took a journey downstairs and set himself on a quest to find his cell phone. It took him about five minutes before he found the phone and called the Russian. The dial tone rang three times before it was answered.

"What, Alfred? It's three in the morning up here! Why are you calling me?" I wonder if he realizes that his phone actually said "America" in the caller ID. Wasn't he America just yesterday?

"Russia, dude, look at yourself and tell me what you see!"

There was silence on the other line. Alfred spoke up again.

"Russ-"

"I'm back to normal!"

"Really?"

"No. I'm a toddler for some reason…"

"Me too! That's what I called you for! What are we gonna do now?"

"Just stay right there. I'll be at your place in a few hours to work this out."

"Okay!"

They both hung up. Then Alfred remembered something:

_Oh shit! Mattie's coming to visit!_

*A FEW HOURS LATER*

Alfred was entertaining himself with a yo-yo when Ivan crawled through the doggy door that came with Alfred's new door. Remember when Belarus chased him and he kicked down the door? This was the best replacement he could find: A doggy-door door.

"So, America-" Ivan was suddenly tackled hugged. "What the hell?"

"You're so cute!" Alfred shouted, not letting go.

"Get off of me!"

"No way, broski!"

"This isn't comfortable!"

"I don't care!"

"Kol kol kol kol…"

"Okay! Okay! I'm getting off!" Alfred removed himself from the other toddler. "I can't help it if you're freaking adorable. I tend to glomp cute things. I guess that's what I get for hanging out around China for too long…"

Ivan had no idea what it meant to "glomp", but he was pretty sure it was what Alfred had just done. He focused more on the fact that Alfred willingly called him cute as well as adorable. Ivan looked a lot like his older self but he was just much shorter. His hair was a platinum-blonde color instead of its usual silver. Just like all the other countries when they're young, he had chubbier cheeks and his eyes were brighter. (They dimmed over the years… I'm making him sound like an old man aren't I?) Ivan only had one front tooth and he was wearing his scarf, but it was dragging behind him like a wedding dress. He also had a skinned knee from tripping over his scarf in the airport. He was wearing a little white robe thingy, just like Alfred. The only difference that it had from Alfred's was that it had a purple bowtie instead of a red one. That and it was a bigger size. Still, they weren't that different. He blushed a little and cleared his throat. "Thank you…?"

"You were so cute as a child! What happened?"

"I knew you were going to insult me..." Ivan sighed. He wasn't in the mood for fighting.

"Hey Ivan, you hungry?" Alfred changed the subject.

"Da. I haven't had any breakfast."

"Well today is your lucky day! Remember when we helped France get rid of his bear problem?"

"Da! I couldn't forget it! I wrestled that bear and you chased him into the forest with my lead pipe. What does that have to do with anything?"

"France sent us cookies as a thank you gift! I can't reach them because the counter is too high. You think you could help me with that?"

Ivan hesitated to respond. "I guess…"

*IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME*

"I don't think this is a good idea, Fredka…" Alfred looked under himself and gave Ivan a weird look.

"What did you just call me? Forget it. Almost got it… Aha! Ivan! Go to the living room! Quick!"

Ivan wordlessly obeyed, constantly losing his balance on the five-meter journey to the living room. Alfred somehow managed to put the tray of cookies on the floor without making a mess. After that, he wasn't so lucky. Ivan began to stumble and hop backwards. Alfred panicked for he was sitting on Ivan's shoulders.

"Oh sh- Don't fall backwards! Don't fall backwards! DON'T FALL BACK-!" Too late.

Did you know that the average human head weighs about ten pounds? Ivan's young, so his head is probably about five or six pounds. Alfred felt the sudden pain of that weight crashing down on his vital regions. Alfred didn't know his voice could get to a pitch that high…

Ivan sat up and gave Alfred a look of pity. The American was curled up in a ball shivering on the floor with his hands between his legs.

Ivan helped the American up and gave him a cookie before eating his own. Suddenly, they heard the sound of the front door unlocking. Both of them dashed into the kitchen. Then Alfred saw a half-eaten cookie on the floor.

"Oh no! I forgot my cookie!"

"Alfred, don't!" Said boy quickly scampered up towards the cookie, snatched it off the ground, and scampered back into the kitchen tripping right before the visitor opened the door. He got up to his feet and hid behind the wall with Ivan.

The visitor happened to be Mathew. Both of them sighed in relief. _Oh, it's just him,_ they both thought.

"Hello? Alfred, are you home?" Mathew walked further into the house. "Come on in, Gil."

The next person to walk into the house was none other than Prussia. As soon as Alfred saw him, he scowled. He always had suspicions about the German doing stuff to his little brother, sucking the innocence out of him.

"Are you sure he'll accept our relationship? He already hates me to the core. What makes you think that telling him won't make him want to pound me into an un-awesome pile of dust?" Gilbert said. Mathew sighed. "I don't know. He's usually in an extremely good mood on Fridays, so maybe if we tell him in a slow, calm manner, he won't try to kill you! You might even be able to keep all your limbs!"

"Yay…" Gilbert replied nervously.

This whole time, Ivan was trying to hold Alfred back from gashing the Prussian's eyes out.

_Alfred calm down!_

_No! My brother is in a relationship with that stupid German! I will not let him take Mattie's innocence away!_

_I know you care about your brother, but attacking his lover is not going to help you at all! You shouldn't get in the way of love~_

_Ugh. You sound like France._

"I don't think he's home, Birdie~" Prussia sing-songed before kissing the Canadian. Mathew mumbled in the kiss, "He'll be back. But I don't mind waiting…" The kiss turned passionate. And Alfred was enraged.

He nearly broke out of Ivan's grip. Alfred looked like a rabid animal trying to kill its next victim. That victim was unfourtunately Gilbert. Ivan tried his best to hold the other back but Alfred was determined. Ivan's gaze traveled to that little cowlick otherwise known as Nantucket. He violently tugged at it. Alfred almost broke free again, but he calmed down when Ivan was gentler. A blush spread across his face as a wave of warmth invaded his body. Both of them relaxed, ignoring Canada and Prussia. They didn't know that was a terrible idea…

Ivan looked up from Alfred to see the couple staring down at them in shock.

"Birdie, look at these two! They look just like Russia and America!"

"You're right. That one looks exactly like Alfred when he was young…"

"And that one looks like the Ruski!"

"Let's name these toddlers after them!"

"Birdie, don't do that! When you name an animal, you become attached to it. The same goes for toddlers!"

"Well we found them in Al's house. Maybe he has them on purpose. We should just take care of them until he comes back. Besides, how could you leave these two alone? They're adorable~" Mathew picked them up and cradled them. He handed Alfred to Prussia. "Here you hold one of them. They're getting heavy." Prussia reluctantly took Alfred in his arms.

"Hey there little guy~" He poked Alfred's nose playfully. Alfred frowned and bit the Prussian's finger. "Ouch! Verdammit, you son of a- Mein Gott you have sharp teeth!"

"Gilbert, watch your language. You're talking to a kid!"

"I was talking to a pig! Or maybe a demon's spawn!"

"Gilbert!"

"Ok, fine, I'm sorry you little brat." Prussia snapped at the child. Alfred started crying. Ivan fell asleep. And Mathew smacked Gilbert in the back of the head. "I'm going upstairs to see if Alfred's up there going through some kind of paranoia. He ignores everything when he's paranoid." Mathew went upstairs, leaving Gilbert with the two children. He shivered as Ivan woke up and sat up in the chair Mathew put him down on. Gilbert sighed and got a soda out of the kitchen. When Alfred caught sight of it, his eyes sparkled. Gilbert noticed this.

"No. Get your own soda."

Alfred made a puppy face.

"What the hell are you- oh for fuck's sake!"

Gilbert tried not to make eye contact, but he failed miserably. He sighed once again and handed Alfred the soda can. As soon as he got the can, he shook it like a rattle. Gilbert jumped in front of him and tried to snatch the can out of his hand. "Don't do that you dumkolf! You're gonna make a mess!"

Before Gilbert could take the can, Alfred opened it. Diet Coke sprayed all over Gilbert's face. The Prussian cursed aloud and stumbled backwards. Ivan found a skateboard under the table and pushed it behind Gilbert. This caused the German to trip over the skateboard and fall on his back. His head bumped on the floor and he passed out. The two toddlers clapped and laughed as they exchanged thoughts.

_Dude, this is awesomely funny! Let's keep doing this!_

_Da, I agree. This is entertaining!_

_We're so going "Are we There Yet" on his ass!_

…_What?_

_If he really loves Mattie, he'll have to prove it!_

**This chapter is longer than the rest… So how do you like Young!Ivan/Alfred? I honestly find it adorable. Have you readers ever watched the movie "Are we There Yet"? It's about this single mom who can't get any men because of her children. Then one guy was determined. He and the kids had to go on a long trip, hence the name of the movie. The kids practically tortured him, but he tolerated them… Kind of. So that's what Alfred and Ivan were trying to do. Except for the whole road trip thing... Actually, that gives me an idea! There will be one more chapter (possibly two more) of young Alfred and Ivan before they go through their next surprise. Seriously, I don't hate Prussia.**

**With love and Awesomeness,**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	6. Are we there yet?

**Hello again! More chibis, torture, fun, and awesomeness is sure to happen! Oh yeah, and I JUST discovered that Canada's human name Matthew has two 'T's in it. I also realized what I did with the whole "five meter journey" thing. That was a total coincidence. I see what you did there, Guest. I'm such a derp.**

**Disclaimer: I own myself…**

**Italics are for thoughts, sound effects, emphasis, flashbacks, blah, blah, blah.**

**Washington DC, afternoon. Some highway.**

"Are we there, yet?" Alfred asked for the millionth time.

"Nein! We are not there yet!" Prussia shouted, banging his head against the windshield at every word. Ivan wordlessly sat there, watching the conversation. They were all stuck in traffic. Canada told Prussia to get a few things from Wal-Mart with the children. It was a lot more of a hassle than the Prussian thought.

"Are we there yet?" Alfred asked once again.

"No." Prussia deadpanned.

"How about now?"

"No"

"Now?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No! Stop asking me that!"

Alfred sat there in silence for a moment. He started fidgeting.

"Gilbert?"

"What do you want now?"

"I have to go to the bathroom."

Prussia started banging his head against the windshield again. _Seriously?_

"Well then you have to hold it."

"But it's an emergency!"

"I told you to hold it!" Alfred grew silent again.

"… I don't have to go anymore."

"Dammit, did you just piss yourself in my car?"

"… Maybe…"

Prussia tried to break his windshield with his head again. _Fuck my life. What the hell is causing all this traffic? I seriously need to buy those diapers before they do anything else to my car._

The traffic suddenly started moving again. Prussia thanked whoever was out there to stop the traffic as he drove on. He was sick and tired of these kids. He just wanted to go to Wal-Mart, buy what he needed, and go home to his Mattie.

*TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO*

At Wal-Mart, Prussia managed to fit the two children into the front of the buggy after a bit of fussing. He went over the produce area and turned away from the toddlers to get some bananas. When he turned around back to the cart, he dropped his bananas.

"Where did they go?"

*MINATURE GIRRAFFES*

"Almost got it… Okay! I got it! Ivan you can put me down now." Alfred took the box of Cheeze-Its and dropped it on the floor. He got down off of Ivan and sat next to him before opening the box. They munched on Cheeze-Its for a while until a worker came into that aisle with a mop. He was going to clean that isle, but then he saw the toddlers eating the cheese crackers.

"Hey! You have to pay for that!"

Alfred and Ivan looked like deer in the headlights. Alfred picked Ivan up and carried him on his back. He dashed off as the worker followed them with the mop.

"Get back here!"

Alfred ripped through the aisles and grabbed a few items on the way, making a huge mess. He managed to grab a pack of Mentos on the way. They reached the soda and drink aisle. Ivan took out a Diet Coke and opened it. They waited for the worker to catch up with them before dropping the Mentos into the Coke. The worker almost got them but instead he got a face full of Diet Coke. The toddlers ran away laughing. They went off into the freezer aisles and went into the dairy section. Passing that, they went straight for the eggs. The worker caught up with them along with a few others.

"We got you now-" He suddenly got a face full of egg.

Alfred and Ivan began throwing eggs at the workers.

It was super effective!

Workers are confused!

Wild toddlers fled the battle!

Yes, that was a Pokemon reference.

After throwing eggs, the boys ran off to the candy aisle where they got the Mentos. They took a pack of Stride gum and began chewing. When the workers caught up to them, the toddlers spit out their gum on the floor in huge piles. Some of the workers accidently stepped in the gum and got stuck there. The others jumped over it. The first one was still in the lead. Alfred and Ivan explored a little more to find other stuff that can stop their pursuers. It wasn't long until they got into the clothing area and hid under the summer dresses.

_Man, they just don't wanna leave us alone now do they, Ivan?_

_Nyet, they don't._

Both of them froze when they saw egg- covered shoes walk past them. They heard the familiar voice of the first worker complaining about "not getting paid enough for this". Luckily, the workers walked away. Alfred peeked out from the dresses to check and snickered when he saw them leaving. Suddenly, he felt himself being picked up.

It was Gilbert.

"There you are, you little _brats_. I thought I lost you forever. I honestly wouldn't care if Mattie wouldn't be pissed if I lost you." He picked Ivan up with Alfred and walked away in the opposite direction of the workers.

*I HAZ A CHEESEBURGER*

"Sorry sir, I can't serve you. Your children have wreaked chaos throughout this store." The clerk gave Gilbert a fake look of pity. She wasn't really caring in the inside.

"They did what?" Gilbert shouted. He had almost had it with these two children. "They were the ones that caused all that? They're not that smart! They can't destroy half a store!"

"I'm sorry sir. You are going to have to pay for everything that these two kids have wasted. Or would you rather have me call the police?" She gave him a fake, unsettling smile. Gilbert shivered.

"Fine I'll pay." He took out a check and wrote down the large number that was the price of everything they messed up. _That's it. I'm leaving these kids in the forest._

*DO YOU LIKE WAFFLES?*

Prussia got his stuff from Target, leaving the kids in the car. He couldn't afford to bring them inside. He didn't want to be kicked out of Target also. When he came back, he was surprised that his BMW was in one piece. It had a really bad odor and Prussia didn't even want to know the cause of the odor, but it was still in one piece. He saw Ivan innocently sucking the apple juice out of his baby bottle and Alfred nomming on a cookie with one of the cutest faces he ever made. Where did that cookie come from? Prussia really didn't want to know. He started the car and tried to ignore the sticky juice that covered the admission. He ventured out of the parking lot and into traffic.

Alfred snatched away Ivan's baby bottle and squirted it at the windshield and Prussia. Mainly Prussia. Ivan didn't cry, but he did look hurt.

The car swerved a little as Prussia snatched the baby bottle from Alfred and threw it out the window… which was closed. The bottle bounced back and hit Prussia in the head. The toddlers laughed out loud. Prussia growled before opening the window and throwing the bottle out once more. He did it with a little too much force and it hit the guy in the car next to him, causing him to swerve and crash into a tree. Prussia blinked. Then he whistled innocently and drove faster and farther away from the accident he caused.

"Gilbert I think you hurt someone." Alfred said. Gilbert scoffed.

"Do I look like I fucking care?"

"I don't really know, actually. I can't see your face."

"Well I don't care! Stupid son of a- OH CRAP!"

Prussia almost crashed into a car that seemed to just materialize in front of him. He flipped off the other driver that passed him before continuing with his driving.

"Gilbert?" Alfred asked, eating another random cookie.

"What? What do you want now?"

"I'm sorry about your car."

"Oh trust me, it's okay! There's nothing more that you can do to this car!"

That was when Ivan began to gag and his cheeks puffed up. Gilbert noticed this through the rear view window. "Don't you dare!" Too late.

Ivan vomited all over the car. The vomit splattered all over the windshield and blocked Gilbert's view. He screamed and his car started spinning uncontrollably. Soon, he crashed into a tree, just like that other unlucky driver. He was harshly jerked forward into the windshield from the sudden stop. In fact, his head rammed into the windshield. He leaned against the chair, wiping the digested food off his forehead. Then the windshield cracked.

"No! Don't!" The crack simply grew wider and spread across the windshield.

"Please!" Nope. The windshield shattered into pieces. Prussia sighed as he swiped the swept the glass off his clothes. Distant police sirens could be heard. Prussia hastily scooped up the toddlers in his arms with the groceries and fled the area into the forest.

*YOU DON'T CARE, HUH?*

_Well I DID want to drop them off in the forest._ The trio was lost in the forest. Prussia was trying to find a path so they could get out. He carried the toddlers with him. They may be troublesome (that's an understatement), but that doesn't change the fact that they are just kids. They needed protection. He also had his groceries.

Prussia reached a river that had some dead fish next to it. He looked around suspiciously. _Where there is fish, there are bears._ Apparently, that bear wasn't around, so Prussia followed the river to find a way out of the forest. Not too long later, a bear jumped out of the bushes in front of Prussia and the toddlers, who gasped at the sight of the bear.

_Ivan, isn't he that bear that we chased out of France's house?_

_Da, he is! That large gash on his head shows where you hit him in the head with my pipe!_

_And he has a limp in his step from when you wrestled him down and broke his leg! That was awesome!_

_You didn't do too badly either._

_Bless you._

_You too._

Prussia stared at the bear in fear.

"O Scheiße."

**And that ends it! Yep! A cliffhanger! Ohhhh~**

**This was just a humor chapter. It doesn't really have much to do with the plotline, but I really wanted to write this! In fact, this came up in my head right after the first chapter. I was just DYING to write it.**

**Translations: Prussia said "Oh shit." at the end.**

"***le gasp!* Alfred and Ivan are being nice to each other?" You are probably saying. Well, yeah, they are! I always thought Russia and America would be friends as children. Alfred would drag Ivan into his antics and Ivan would go with it while having fun anyways! He's Alfred's backup sidekick! /shot for Paint It White reference/ Anyways…**

**Historically, Russia and America were in pretty good terms before the Cold War. So, yeah…**

"_**Why can't we be friends~"**_

**Sorry, I had to do that. By the way, after next chapter, I'm going to do something fluffy because I love chibi Alfred and Ivan. They're so fun to write about!**

**Next chapter: Prussia gets sent to the hospital after his run-in with the bear. Canada isn't amused. The toddlers are bored. However, Alfred and Ivan realize that hospitals are not as boring as they come off to be…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	7. Children's Guide to the Hospital

**This chapter contains A LOT of hospital humor. If you are sensitive or offended by anything in this story, I'm sorry.**

**Warnings: pain, mind-raping, innuendo, and other things.**

**You know what italics mean.**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned this stuff, I really do.**

**Some Hospital. 2:30pm.**

"_Beep!"_

"Beep."

"_Beep!"_

"Beep."

"_Beep!"_

"Beep."

"_Beep!"_

"Beep-"

_Say beep ONE more time!_ Ivan glared at Alfred, who was copying the heart machine's beeping for five minutes now. Alfred stared at him blankly.

"Beep?"

That was when Ivan punched him in the stomach. Canada noticed this.

"Hey! No hitting, Ivan." Ivan scoffed. _Whatever._

They were currently in a hospital. After Prussia's unfortunate run-in with the aggressive bear, the toddlers called Canada, who rushed over there in under ten seconds. He broke the record of travelling on foot…

How did the toddlers survive, you ask? Well, it's quite simple, actually. When the bear attacked them, Alfred jumped on its face and clawed one of its eyes out while Ivan pulled of its hair and ripped its skin. The bear retreated and the children won the battle. Alfred and Ivan: 2 Bear: 0

Prussia was beat up pretty badly. He had bandages wrapped around his head, legs, arms, and stomach. There were deep scratches in his chest when the bear, almost teasingly, clawed down his chest when it pinned him to the ground. His left arm was broken as well as his right leg. The bear would've bit his head off if Alfred and Ivan didn't start throwing rocks at it.

Prussia was unconscious on the hospital bed. Canada hadn't stopped crying when he saw his boyfriend on the ground, bloody and halfway dead.

Now his crying had stopped, but he certainly wasn't happy. Alfred and Ivan hadn't shed a tear, though. Why? Because they knew he was okay.

The doctor walked into the room, smiling like Alfred would when he gets ice cream.

"I have some good news for you Mr. Williams. Gilbert is going to be okay! In fact, he can go home with you guys as soon as he wakes up. Here's a wheelchair to help him get home." A nurse walked into the room pushing a wheelchair in front of her.

"Thanks, doctor." Canada was trying his hardest to hold in his happiness. He didn't want to tackle-hug the doctor. When the two hospital employees left, Canada turned to check on the toddlers, who were oddly silent.

The only reason why they were so quiet was because they weren't even there…

*OH BROTHER NOT AGAIN*

"Ha ha, you can't catch me!" Alfred teased on the other end of the hall. Ivan zoomed through the hallways after him. The two of them were playing a good old game of tag.

They passed a pretty noisy room and both of them stopped in their tracks at the weird noises. They both went back and jumped up to hang onto the window of the room. They both peeked inside to see a doctor and a patient doing the horizontal tango.

_Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnd fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck~_

They both dropped from the window, feeling extremely disturbed.

"Well I could've gone my entire life without seeing that." Alfred commented. Ivan simply agreed.

And so the chase started again.

They went a little ways until Ivan chased Alfred into a surgery room. A doctor ran up to him.

"Doctor! Quick! This man needs an operation!" He shoved a pair of gloves and a special knife in his hands. Confused and panicked, Ivan shoved them into Alfred's. When he saw that there was no one he could pass it to, he put the gloves on, shivered, and inched towards the operation table. Ivan pushed him further.

He stared at the unconscious man who was most likely on anesthesia. Alfred squeezed his eyes shut and cut into the man's stomach. Digging into him (that's what she said) he pulled out the last thing he had expected: A kitten.

_What the-_

He was pushed aside and the other doctors finished with the operation. Relieved, Alfred removed the gloves before inching out the room with Ivan.

Once they were out of the room, they continued with their game.

Alfred dashed down the hallways once again with Ivan in hot pursuit. They both went into the elevator and pushed a random button. Alfred had his hands on his knees as he breathed heavily. Ivan wasn't acting very different from that.

"Dude… I think… Mattie… will be… pissed…"

"Da… I'm pretty sure… he will…"

The elevator doors slid open. Alfred was out of the doors before Ivan could process that the doors were open. When he did, he was already at Alfred's heels.

"Get back here, Fredka!"

"You'll never catch me alive! And what did you just call me?"

His question wasn't answered when they both ran into a room labeled:

Birth Room

Trying to keep this rated T, I'll just write the dialogue.

"What room is this? Holy-!"

"C'mon! You can do this! Push!"

"Gaaaaaaaaah!"

"Push, woman, push!"

"Oh _GOD,_ why?"

"…"

"Waaaaaaaah!"

"Congrats! It's a beautiful baby boy!"

Alfred and Ivan burst out of the room, even more mind-fucked than before.

"What has been seen… CANNOT be unseen." Alfred tried to claw out his eyes.

"Ditto…" Ivan looked disturbed.

The two boys walked a little ways in a sort of daze, as if they were trying to erase what they had seen. Which was exactly what they were trying to do.

After that, they continued to play as if nothing had happened. Alfred hid in a closet and waited for Ivan to pass by. Alfred felt something brush up behind him. He slowly turned around.

"You! Little kid! You've got to help me! I was supposed to be performing an operation! The boss trapped me in here!" a doctor was tied up in duct tape. He looked extremely skinny, as if he hadn't eaten in forever. Alfred gasped.

_What kind of hospital is this?_ Alfred left (read: came out of) the closet. I'm just joking. I really need to stop making that joke... He tried to run away as fast as he could, but before he could do that, he crashed into Ivan. He could hear the doctor's pitiful cries.

"Please don't leave me! Free me from this hell hole!"

He was ignored. Ivan tagged Alfred and the chase started again, this time with Alfred chasing Ivan. Ivan ran downstairs, tripping over his scarf along the way. After a rather painful fall, He looked up to see the last person he expected: China.

"Why hello there, aru! You are so cute! You'll be perfect for my new acupuncture skills!" Ivan looked horrified. _How old do they think I am?_

China dragged the poor child into a room so he could cover him in needles.

*ABOUT TEN MINUTES LATER*

Ivan crawled out of the room looking like a hedgehog. He whimpered and started pulling the needles out of his body. Alfred coolly waltzed up to him with a smirk on his face.

"Dude you look like a hedgehog. What psychotic doctor did this to you?"

Ivan simply whimpered in pain. Alfred felt a guilty pain crawl up his back when he saw those teary, adorable eyes. Reluctantly, he helped Ivan pull the needles out his back.

"I don't wanna play tag anymore…" Ivan whimpered as the last needle was pulled out of his back.

"I don't either…" Alfred agreed. Ivan noticed that there was a familiar tabby cat on Alfred's head.

"Is that the cat that you pulled out of that man?"

"Yeah! Her name is Mr. Cuddles! Say hi Mr. Cuddles!" The kitten meowed. Ivan raised his eyebrow at it.

"Her? The cat is a girl and you named her _Mr._ Cuddles?"

"Psh- YEAH! She likes the name! Isn't that right, Mr. Cuddles?" Alfred petted the kitten and cooed as it licked his cowlick. "Hey~ Stoooop iiiiiiiit Mr. Cuddlllllllllleeeees~"

Ivan gave the boy a confused face. _Why is he acting like that?_

Ivan pushed the thought aside when Alfred impatiently tugged at his hand.

They both walked down the hallways in peace. They didn't dare to run into any rooms, closets, or look through windows. They were scared that any innocence left in them would get sucked out of them if they saw anything else in this messed up hospital. Alfred grew paranoid at any noise he heard.

"I-Ivan I think there a doctor behind us…"

"Don't be silly, Alfred." There was no doctor behind them. Alfred still cringed.

"Dude, there's something on my head…"

"Da, there is. Mr. Cuddles is on your head." Alfred sighed in relief. Then he froze as something prickled up his spine.

"Ivan… I think there's a spider on my back." Ivan rolled his eyes and checked behind Alfred to actually see a huge spider on the American's back.

_Oh…_

He smacked the spider off his back and smiled nervously.

"Nyet. There is no spider on your back! No spider at all!"

Alfred gave him a weird look, but seemed to not care as he stepped into the lobby. Guess who was waiting for them down there?

"Where have you two been?" Canada glared down at the toddlers. Ivan wasn't fazed but Alfred looked like he was about to break. Canada picked the children up and pushed them into poor old Prussia's hands.

The German awoke shortly after the kids escaped. He was elated to see his Mattie, but his attitude dropped when he heard that the kids were gone. Prussia was actually the one who suggested that they simply wait in the lobby for the little boys and they'll just come to them. He loved it when he was right.

The "happy" family bid farewell to the crazy hospital. If there's one thing they're sure of, it's that they will NEVER come back…

**This is the most effed up stuff I've ever written. Actually, it's the second. You don't want to know the first. You really DON'T. That's enough torture and mind-fucking for now. Am I right? Next chapter will be cute and fluffy! Will Prussia prove himself to the demon kids? Will this demented family get better? Will Ivan and Alfred get over that terrible image of birth out of their head? Why am I asking so many questions? Hopefully, these will be answered in the next chapter!**

**Oh yeah, the spider scene… That was a reference to the movie "Rio". You know, the one with the birds. There was a scene where the main character (I forgot his name) was freaking out in the wild and said that there was a spider on his back. His "girlfriend" was all like "Oh don't be silly!" but there was an actual spider. So… yeah, spiders…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	8. Castles and Knights

**If toast always lands jelly side down and a cat always lands on its feet… What would happen if you glued a piece of toast jelly side up on a cat's back and dropped it?**

**Oh hai thar! I was just going through my daily pointless questioning. I know toast doesn't always land jelly side down and the cat doesn't always land on its feet but what if…?**

**Anywho, I decided to give you guys fluffy bunnies. There will also be some hilarity and heroism. Please note that this is my first fanfiction and I'm probably not the best at that stuff. Criticism is accepted but don't flame me, okay?**

**Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Wednesday Afternoon.**

Alfred happily licked his ice cream as Matthew gave him a piggyback ride down the boardwalk. Ivan followed next to them and Gilbert was right behind him. A few days after the hospital incident, Matthew wanted a "family" trip. At the last moment, he barged into the house and told them to get their bathing suits on.

The Prussian was pretty reluctant but Alfred was overjoyed. Ivan was pretty neutral with the whole thing. Despite Gilbert's whining, Matthew tossed him the keys and put the toddlers in the back seat of America's dark blue Cadillac. Gilbert didn't see the point in arguing, so he reluctantly drove them all down to Myrtle Beach.

The ride there was chaotic, but Gilbert noticed that neither Alfred nor Ivan ruined the car. They just annoyed him to near death.

When they stopped at a gas station, the kids went missing again. Gilbert sighed as Matthew panicked. They didn't hear the toddlers come back holding a pissed off squirrel. Alfred snickered and pushed the squirrel down Gilbert's pants. That didn't end very well.

Now they found themselves eating ice cream from a tourist stand while walking down the boardwalk. Alfred was eating his chocolate ice cream rather quickly; Ivan slowly licked his strawberry ice cream, and Matthew happily licked his vanilla ice cream almost as fast as Alfred was. Why? That's because he managed to convince the clerk to put maple syrup on it. Gilbert decided that he wasn't craving ice cream.

When they got to the actual beach, Alfred dashed out into the water. Ivan followed slowly behind. Matthew had to drag Gilbert into the water.

*CAN ANYONE TELL ME HOW TO USE LINE BREAKS?*

"Ivan, dude, let's play Marco Polo!" Alfred suggested when his little sand castle toppled over. He and Ivan were (obviously) making sand castles and were in competition on who could make a better one. Alfred wasn't having much luck. _It's probably better than that stupid commie's…_ Alfred smirked.

"Sure Fredka~ But can I finish my sand castle?" Ivan answered. Alfred turned around a looked at the little commie's castle. He eyes nearly popped out of his sockets. Ivan had made the capital building of Russia. You know, that one with the swirly tops. It was very detailed and beautiful and it would've made any other sand castle cry. Ivan smiled at his creation proudly and turned towards Alfred.

"Do you like it, Fredka?" Alfred scoffed and mumbled, "Stupid commie…"

*A LITTLE WHILE LATER*

"Come one, Gilbert! I know you have a broken arm, but it's not that bad!" Matthew tried to urge Gilbert into the water. Gilbert refused to budge and stubbornly sat there in the sand. "Nein! I'll just get hurt again!" Matthew gave up.

"Fine, Gil. You just stay here." Matthew traveled out into the ocean where the waves grew larger and the salt grew thicker. Pretty soon, Matthew couldn't touch the ground and huge waves were ambushing him. Gilbert watched in caution as Matthew helplessly flailed around in the water. He glanced at Alfred and Ivan, who were playing Marco Polo. Alfred was calling out "Marco" as Ivan replied with "Polo", almost a foot away from the American.

"Help! I'm…. drowning!" Matthew cried out. The lifeguard didn't seem to hear him. Prussia heard loud and clear, though. He immediately shot up and dashed into the water and swam through the harsh waves.

"Marc-" Ivan nudged Alfred to make him open his eyes. When Alfred did, he pointed to Gilbert and Matthew. Alfred was surprised as well as elated that Gilbert, the egotistical Prussian, was going out in the deep ocean with a cast and sling to save his lover. How touching.

"Help! Help me! Please- brbghrbrfbegbfghghrl…" He was consumed by the salty waves. Gilbert dove underwater and took Matthew in his free arm before struggling back to shore. He tried to put Matthew on the sand as gently as possible. Alfred and Ivan ran up to them and fruitlessly tried to shake Matthew awake.

Gilbert eventually gave the Canadian mouth-to-mouth after attempting to shake him awake with the kids.

A few seconds passed.

Gilbert cried onto Matthew's chest. "Why? What did I do to deserve this? First, the demon toddlers, then my ruined car, and now my boyfriend is dead! Thanks, God." He threw his arms in the air. "WHY?"

"Oh maple, Gil, shut up! You're busting my ear drums." Gilbert looked down to see Matthew glaring up at him. He hugged the Canadian's guts out. Though, not literally.

*PROCESSING TRANSITION*

Going home, the family sat down on the living room couch. They were exhausted, wet, and dirty. It's funny how one can have fun at the beach but feel terrible afterwards…

"Gilbert?"

"Vhat Ivan?"

"You're a hero."

"Thanks, Ivan."

…

Gilbert shot a surprised glance at Ivan.

"YOU CAN TALK?"

*LOLCATZZZZZ*

**Thursday morning, no specific time.**

Ivan sneezed and rubbed his nose when he felt something itchy on it. The itchy thing came back and Ivan pushed it off with a finger. It came back again. This time, Ivan woke up. All he saw was the back of Alfred's head.

…

Ivan sat up and pushed Alfred away from him. He had been spooning the little pig all night…

Oh joy. Ivan jumped off of Alfred's huge bed and stumbled across the room in his little blue footie pajamas. Alfred was the unfortunate one that got the pink ones since the store had no more blue. Ivan snickered, remembering when Alfred had a temper tantrum when the blue pajamas didn't fit him.

Mr. Cuddles came out from under the bed and greeted Ivan with a "meow". The child scratched the kitten behind its ears and started for the door.

Then Ivan was tackle-hugged from behind and pinned to the floor.

"Ack- Get off!" Ivan whined. The other didn't let go. Ivan struggled under the enemy's grip, kicking and punching the air. Unfortunately, the enemy had a _very_ tight grip and (s)he kneeled down on him.

"Hey, dude, calm down! It's just me!" Ivan recognized the voice as Alfred. He stopped struggling.

"Fredka, please. Get off."

"No! And what did you just call me?"

"Please get off!"

"No!" Alfred stood up on Ivan. "I am the hero! And I shall vanquish evil!" The boy picked up a pair of scissors and broke them in half. He then threw one of the halves away and pointed it upwards like a sword. "The hero has conquered the evil dragon!"

Ivan grinned and started to stand up on all fours. He roared and said in a deep, demonic voice, "You have not defeated me yet, little hero!" Alfred removed his foot and jumped back. He pointed his sword towards Ivan and grinned.

"I will, Ivan Draginski!"

Ivan picked up the other scissor half up and aimed it towards Alfred. "We will see, brave knight Sir Alfred Jones!"

The two went into a fake sword fight. It lasted for about twenty minutes until they decided to make it a tie. Alfred and Ivan both decided to be the good guys while Mr. Cuddles was the evil dragon that kidnapped the beautiful princess eagle plushy named Freedom is his pillow fortress of doom.

"Onward, Sir Ivan, my trusty sidekick!" Sir Alfred hopped onto Ivan, his loyal stallion. Even though Ivan didn't want to be the horse, he just went with it. Ivan ran up to _Dr. _Cuddles' pillow fortress on all fours with Sir Alfred on his back.

When they reached the fortress, Sir Alfred drew his "sword" and charged inside with Ivan at his heels. Dr. Cuddles yowled and meowed as Sir Alfred tackled the little kitty/dragon.

Matthew walked into the room and chuckled when he saw the whole scene: Sir Alfred had rescued the beautiful Princess Freedom and was taking her back to the castle with his stallion, Sir Ivan the Great.

"Sir Ivan, we have saved the day!" Alfred kissed the stuffed eagle and then turned to Ivan. "Now you be the princess!"

"Why? I want to be the knight!"

"You can be the knight after me!"

"Why do I have to be the princess, though?"

"Because you played all the other roles! I'll save you from the evil eagle, Freedom X with my stallion, Mr. Cuddles. In the end, I'll save you and we'll be happily ever after!"

"Fine… What?"

Matthew smiled warmly. Those two are just… adorable. He watched as they reset and started again. Alfred rode poor Mr. Cuddles across the room and entered the surprisingly well made fort. He tackled the eagle down to the ground and picked Ivan up bridal-style. Running back outside the fortress with Mr. Cuddles, Alfred carried Ivan next to the bed. He laid the other down on the ground and knelt over him. Matthew raised his eyebrow when Alfred bent down over Ivan and kissed the little Russian on the forehead. Ivan squirmed out from under Alfred and backed up.

"A-Alfred what are you doing?"

"What are you talking about? The knight is always supposed to kiss the saved princess. That's just how it goes!"

"Wha- Alfred, we're both guys. I am not a princess!"

"That's why I just kissed your forehead!"

"Ugh. I don't wanna play this game anymore…" Ivan started for the door.

Matthew moved out of the doorway to let Ivan pass. The little kid was flushed. Matthew switched his gaze to Alfred, who looked baffled.

"Did you get rejected by the beautiful princess?" Matthew said, smirking. Alfred put his "sword" down and hung his head low. He kneeled down and pouted.

"'Twas a dreadful ending when Princess Ivan wouldn't be my queen…"

**Has anyone noticed it was a Thursday? You know what that means~ Tomorrow is the next big surprise! I'm gonna miss little Alfred and Ivan…**

**Has anyone noticed that Ivan never talked to Gilbert or Matthew at first? Maybe he did… I don't really remember… Did he?**

**So how did I do? Was it cute? I found the image pretty cute! Those two playing Castles and Knights sounds like an adorable image to me…**

**And the kiss? That was a little scene to hint at something bigger~ (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)**

**That ending… 'Twas the best fairytale EVER!**

**Next chapter: SURPRISE!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	9. It Takes a Real Man to be a Woman

**France: F is for friends who do stuff together~**

**Spain: U is for you and me~**

**Prussian Awesomeness: N is for anywhere and anytime at all!**

**All three: Right here in the BTT!**

**How did you like my BTT theme song? It came from SpongeBob's Fun Song. I think it fits them perfectly if you think of the song the right way… or wrong way…**

**So anyway, this is the next surprise! I know I'm gonna have fun writing this…**

**Disclaimer: Derp.**

**Now why are you still reading the author's note? Read the story!**

**Washington DC, America. 9:15 am.**

"Amerika! Get up!" America felt himself being shaken violently. He knew it was Russia but… Why was his voice so… feminine?

"Amerika, get your ass up or I'll make you!" Sure, he was supposed to be a toddler, but it sounds even higher pitched!

"Fine then, I guess I have to make you get up!" America felt himself being pushed out of the bed. He stumbled up and glared at the… Ruski?

Russia's hair was longer- going down to his (?) back and shoulder blades- and he (?) had a much more effeminate face. His (?) clothes were oversized and his (?) breasts resembled Ukraine's (Hey, if he's the biggest nation downstairs in male form, he gotta be biggest upstairs in another form, which happens to be female form). America just stared at "him".

_Processing… Processing… Processing… Realization in 3… 2… 1…_

"Holy shit, Russia, you're HOT!" America blurted out. He mentally slapped himself when he realized what he had just said. Russia giggled.

"You don't look too bad yourself!" She handed him a mirror. America got quite the shock. "His" hair was longer, "he" looked more feminine, and "his" clothes were too big for "him". It was only now the (s)he realized that his/her eyesight was perfect. She didn't need Texas!

*MEANWHILE, IN HOUSTON, TEXAS*

A thirteen year old boy, blonde, blue eyed, freckles, and a cowboy hat was riding his horse. He suddenly stopped.

"Hey, Carmel, why do I get the feeling that I'm not needed?" He said to the horse.

"I don't know, Texas, I don't know." It neighed back.

*OKAY BACK TO WASHINGTON DC*

"I'm a girl, too? What the heck? What sick, twisted, inhumane, person is behind these transformations?"

"I don't know, but if I run into them…" Russia didn't even have to finish her sentence when she ripped Freedom's head off. America didn't really mind. Freedom's head was always ripping off because of the excessive hugging. America always had to sew it back on. Who says sewing is not manly? Besides, he's a girl now!

"Ugh. How are we going to explain this to Mattie and his idiot lover?" Right when America said that, Mattie and his idiot lover walked into the room. Speak of the devil…

"Hey there little guys! I made pan- WHAT THE-!" Canada dropped the plate of pancakes he was holding and stared at Russia and America.

"H-Hey, Mattzo! We can… explain…"

*RANDOM TRANSITION IS RANDOM*

"So you and the stupid commie were the toddlers the whole time? Ugh. That figures…" Prussia face-palmed and ran his hand through his hair. Canada was still in shock by the fact that his brother was his sister.

"This is bad… France and England were supposed to visit today. I wanted them to see you too when you were babies. This is bad." Canada said to the rest of them. America groaned.

"Well that sucks… If that Frenchie tries anything on me, I'm castrating him."

"I would happily help you with that, da?"

"Guys, please don't do that."

"Kesesesese! He'll never get near another woman after that!"

Prussia, Russia, and America shared a good laugh as Canada sighed in exasperation. He was actually a morning person, but today it seemed way too early for all this.

The doorbell rang. _That's odd… _Canada thought. _They were supposed to be here four hours from now._

Canada opened the door. He dodged a knife that flew pass him. _Oh maple…_

"Where is Big Brother? Tell me _now_!" Belarus already had a knife up to his neck. Canada shivered. _So creepy…_

Russia's eyes widened when she saw the girl. She jumped into America's arms. America glared at her and dropped her on the floor. That's gonna hurt the next morning…

Belarus invited herself into the house and searched the area. When she didn't see her Big Brother she went straight for America and brought the knife up to her neck.

"You, tell me where he is! Or would you rather have me slit your throat?" America rolled her eyes and grabbed the knife before throwing it off in the other direction.

"Do you really want to know where your brother is?"

"Of course I do!"

"Okay, then. He's definitely not in my pants."

"What did you say, scum?"

"I was just joking, gosh! No one can take a joke these days!"

"Whatever. Just tell me where he is so we can get married!"

"I will tell you if you get out of my face."

"What was that? Do you value your life? I have plenty more knives I can use."

"Really? That's very interesting!"

"Where is he?"

"Right here, my sweet." America teased before pointing to female Russia. She looked terrified. "D-Da! I'm r-right here!" Russia stammered. Belarus wasn't amused.

"Is this some kind of joke? My Big Brother is a _man_. I don't know what sick trick this is, but I know the last time I saw my sweet brother, he ran into this house. Where is that stupid capitalist pig so I can break that ignorant face of his?"

"That hurts. I am the capitalist pig." America pointed to herself and smiled emptily. She was reminding everyone else in the room of Russia himself. While Canada and Prussia frowned and Belarus looked slightly disturbed, Russia was proud. _I taught him so well!_

Belarus stepped back and scowled. "I don't like you. I swear if I see you around my brother, I'll tear all your insides out" America smirked. "That sounds painful."

With an irritated huff, Belarus stormed out of the house. America was surprised the door didn't break when the crazy Belarusian slammed it. _I seriously love that doggy door…_

Everyone else sighed and relaxed, letting out a breath that none of them knew they were holding in. They were all seriously worried and shocked at America's risky behavior. They thought for sure the Belarusian was going to cut America up and bake her into a pie. Russia walked up to the American girl.

"How?"

"What do you mean by that? I just stood up to her. She's not really that scary."

"…" That was everyone's response. They decided to push the thought aside and just eat breakfast. Afterwards, Prussia suggested they call some of the female nations to help out with this whole fiasco.

*I'M A BANANA*

"You two look, like, totally _fabulous_!" Poland clapped his hands together. He was called over along with the female nations (excluding Belarus) to help out with America and Russia's problem. He was in charge of clothing. Prussia contacted the females through Hungary. They were all at the mall looking around for clothing.

"I agree. You look beautiful!" Liechtenstein bowed sweetly. America and Russia both blushed. They seriously weren't comfortable with this.

America was wearing her bomber jacket, a white half shirt, and a tannish undershirt. She also had denim shorts that went down to her thighs. Poland insisted that she wore a cowboy hat and boots. America didn't mind, though. At least it wasn't pink.

Russia wasn't so lucky when it came to the color pink. She had on a pink trench coat that resembled the one she had before in male form. She kept her scarf and you could just barely see her jeans under the coat. She wore tan fuzzy boots. She was definitely not dressed for the summertime…

Poland admired his work. "Isn't it nice, Francis?" He and Francis held both of each other's hands and giggled. "Oui, oui! It is very nice! Ohohohohohon~"

America, Russia, and Hungary rolled their eyes. Those two men have more woman in them than any of those three will ever have. It's kind of sad, though…

The group of girls, France and Poland, and the gender-swapped girl/boys travelled around the hall while getting advice on being girls. This led to a very awkward talk on how to put a bra on…

*MY MILKSHAKE BRINGS ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD*

"I am so gonna kick your ass at this! I'm even a match to Japan at this!"

"I highly doubt it. You are a clumsy fool."

Russia and America were neck-and-neck in a racing game. The girls were currently at the arcade. All of them were having fun, even France and Poland. They decided to take a break from being girls. It was all too tiring. Nothing like playing at the arcade too relieve yourself from girl-ness…

*WHAT IS LOVE?*

It was a really long day. After walking out of the mall, the feminine nations were ambushed by a bunch of the male nations. Prussia had called them over saying that there were hot girls at that specific mall. Unfortunately for them, Switzerland followed along to find his little sister. After the huge shootout- America joining Switzerland" the girls (and France and Poland) went back to America's house for a movie night and sleepover (excluding Liechtenstein). They chose to watch "Paranormal of all movies, much to America's internal dismay (she wouldn't admit she was scared). This resulted in America getting scared out of her wits. Russia decided to tell them a scary ghost story.

*ONCE EXTREMELY SCARY GHOST STORY LATER*

"Heh, heh. Russia, that's… a very… interesting story…" Taiwan stammered. Everyone-even Hungary-was terrified. Russia grinned and turned off the flashlight that was giving a spooky effect in the dark, silent house. The girls screamed. Poland and France did, too. But America was the one who screamed the loudest. Russia chuckled darkly.

"Some say that even today she comes into the houses of the innocent just for sick murder. Using the blade where her hand used to be, she would slowly cut every single square inch of skin off of you, tearing the flesh with her psychotic smile. She only shows in pitch black darkness, in the silence of a house. She makes no noise as she sneaks up to her next unfortunate victim."

Russia slowly and silently crept up behind America in the pitch black darkness, using her whimpers to lead the way.

"She only goes behind her victims so they won't see it coming… As silently as possible, the ghost would grab them, scream eerily, and flash her knife in the darkness…"

There was an eerie silence that when on for approximately five seconds before a scream was heard and a knife flashed in the darkness. That scream came from America. All the other girls (and those two guys over there) gasped. The lights were turned on and all the other girls sighed in relief when they saw America unharmed and passed out in Russia's arms. Russia was holding a kitchen knife.

After a bit of processing, the nations that weren't passed out started laughing up a storm. Russia smiled at her little accomplishment before getting water to wake America up.

The girls took turns using the bathroom to take showers. France may have peeped in the showers, but that was taken care of.

Once they were all in their pajamas, they found a place to sleep and dozed off. America, however, couldn't sleep. She went over to Russia's sleeping bag and shook the other girl awake.

"What do you want, America?"

"Dude, you know, you're always welcome in my bed!"

"America, are you scared?"

"I am _not_!"

"Okay then, goodnight."

"No! Please! Can you sleep with me?"

"Why? You must be scared. Don't be afraid to admit it."

"Shut up! You commie bitch are you going or what?"

"Someone's on their monthly."

"I am not! Get up and sleep in my bed!"

Russia chuckled, but obliged. She knew the little American was scared. How cute.

**So, how was it? You saw this coming, didn't you? I know you did! I also learned how to use line breaks, thanks to LasagnaLover and Chubby Chubby23. Thank you! However, I will not be using line breaks because I know you guys like my transitions. I know it.**

**I'm not egotistical, I swear.**

**I just thought I'd put that down. Anyway, I had fun writing this chapter, but there will probably only be two or three chapters of female Russia and America because I don't have many funny ideas for the two of them. I'm also EXTREMELY eager to write about their next surprise!**

**This chapter was mostly made to get more characters involved and I just don't know… Do you guys have any funny ideas as to how I can torture-erm… I mean, toy around with these poor countries? Wow, this sounds like a Truth or Dare thingy… *light bulb!* I have an idea…**

**PS: xXForever a SconeXx: I love your pen name. I seriously do.**

**Now for an extra random note: DINOSAURS GO RAWR AND GODZILLA IS MR. RODGERS! SEEMS LEGIT, RIGHT?**

**Thanks for reading!**

**2,222 words! F*ck yeah!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	10. One Lump or Two?

**Oh boy, I have a family reunion in Kansas so next chapter is probably coming in a week. Sorry. I know I'm a quick updater, but that's because its summer! So yeah, I'll be gone for a week and I most likely won't be able to type up something while I'm there.**

**xXForever a SconeXx: Sorry if the transitions seem immature to you. Everyone else seems to love them. I'm also a pretty immature person so, sorry. I still love your name!**

**As for this chapter, hilarity ensues.**

**Disclaimer: A girl can dream, right?**

**Saturday, Washington DC, America's house. 5:30 am.**

Russia jolted up out of sleep. _That was a terrible dream…_ After the little sleepover, she managed to give herself a nightmare. However, it was about Belarus being a man…

Already up, Russia decided to go downstairs for a little snack, but before she could do that, she noticed that America was gone. _That's odd… Did she wake up before everyone else?_

Russia ventured out of the room to look for her. She was halfway downstairs before she saw England passed out at the living room table with an empty beer mug in his hand. Canada was also passed out, but he had a mop in his hands. He was the one that had to clean up after the party and make sure England didn't do anything stupid. Poor Canada… Prussia was asleep on the couch with Kumajirou (did I spell that right?) napping on his stomach. Russia went back upstairs.

She walked down the hall on the second floor before discovering a door that she hadn't seen before at the end. It had a sign that said "Keep out" on it, but Russia just ignored it. Besides, it was slightly cracked open…

Behind the door was another set of stairs. She silently and cautiously tip-toed down the stairs. When she reached the bottom, she saw a huge library. The bookshelves reached the ceiling, stock full of books. From where she was standing, Russia could see the classic books: Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, Homer's The Odyssey, To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee, and many, many more. Not only that, but there was a piano in the corner of the room. It was surrounded by other classical instruments as well as brass ones. There were beautiful paintings on the walls and there was a canvas at another corner of the room. It had a halfway done painting of a bald eagle on it. Russia was debating whether or not she was actually in America's house.

There, in the center of the room, sitting in a lounge chair, was America. She was writing in a little book, not looking up from it. Russia could just barely hear her mumbling the words she wrote.

"Dear Diary, Yesterday, I turned into a girl. Just like how last week, I turned into a toddler. And then the week before that, when I switched bodies with the commie. Russia was also going through the same things that I was going through, but why? Do we have some weird connection or something? Is this a curse? Is someone trying to teach us a lesson? Or are they just toying with us? Is it a ghost or a magic spell? I'm not really sure, but it's getting annoying. I know you can't answer my questions, but I need answers. These things, I've noticed, they happen every Friday. Am I going to turn into something else next Friday? This is all so confusing…"

Russia leaned a little bit and the floor creaked. She cringed when the noise echoed through the silent library. A bullet flew past her face, and when she looked at America, she saw her holding a smoking pistol.

"What are you doing here?" If looks could kill, Russia would've dropped dead right there on the spot. Luckily, she didn't, but she did have a miniature heart attack. Russia was more than surprised that her heart didn't fall out.

"I woke up earlier and walked in here out of curiosity." Russia decided that just saying the truth would make things better. America put the gun back in her belt and narrowed her eyes.

"Well, then, that seems legit. Now get out."

Russia chuckled, "Why should I? I didn't know you had such class, Amerika. If I didn't know any better, I'd think Austria lived here."

"Shut up. This is my library. No one is allowed in here except Mattie. So, I suggest you get out before I blow your brains out."

"A woman of such class shouldn't say such things~"

"I'm not a woman! Well, um, a real woman…"

Russia chuckled. "Did you read all of these books?"

"You'd be surprised at how much free time I have."

"Wow… What about the piano? Do you play it?"

America waltzed over to the piano and smirked before quickly playing "Turkish March" with one hand. "Austria, England, and France taught me how to play at a young age. They taught Mattie how to play, but not as much." Russia wouldn't admit it, but she was impressed. She never knew America would do things like this in her free time…

"France taught me how to use the saxophone and other brass instruments. He also taught me how to paint along with Italy. Austria focused me on the strings. And England helped me with the clarinet and flute. He tried teaching me how to use bagpipes, but I was all like: 'Pfft! That's totally lame!'"

"Are you sure this is all yours? This is so classy... Too classy for you..." Russia said, admiring the paintings.

"Hells yeah!"

Russia face-palmed.

*GERBILS*

Later on that day, they finally managed to empty the house of the other female nations and Poland. France had to drag the hung-over England. That left Canada, Prussia, Russia, and America again.

"Dude, I'm bored."

"Then go find something to do, da?"

"Kesesesese! I know something we can do!"

"Ugh. Here we go again…"

They were having a moment again… It's like the FACE family all over again. Except this time it's the CRAP family. See what I did there?

After a bit of arguing, they decided to just go to the White House. America had a lot of explaining to do…

**I hate it when I'm rushed. I know there's most likely at least one typo in this…**

**America had a huge, classy library due to multiculturalism. Since America has so many people in it, there are those who are classy, obnoxious, lazy, athletic, extremely polite, extremely rude, daring, hesitant, boring, funny, and so many other things. So you'd expect the country of America to have a classy side (while still being obnoxious). Ah, gotta love this country…**

**If you're wondering why America can suddenly stand up to Belarus in female form in the last chapter, that's because I believe America would be braver towards other girls as a girl, so… yeah…**

**I'll see you guys in a week!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	11. Polish Strategizing and American Disease

**Okay, I lied. It wasn't a week. It was a weekend. Sorry if that's misleading…**

**Kansas is a pretty state! I didn't see any sunflowers, but there were huge fields everywhere! There were also a bunch of cows and horses scattered here and there just chillin. I also went to Fort Riley, where I was born! Too bad I couldn't meet my doctor, but oh well! It was a nice hospital!**

**You're gonna hate me for what I say next… On the way home, my mom said that we're going to Florida this Wednesday. Guess what? It's Tuesday. WTF? As much as I'd love to go to Florida, I don't get why we have to go a DAY after we returned from Kansas! Next thing you know, they'll be planning a trip to New York…**

**I don't know how long we'll be in Florida. I think we'll be on a cruise or something… This is one of the most adventurous summers I've had. And next summer I'm going to Europe! Oh brother…**

**So that's enough of my rambling. I give you chapter nao.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing I own!**

**Washington DC, America's house. Thursday Afternoon.**

"Ugh. I feel terrible…" America sneezed after her comment. England sighed in irritation.

"We know, America. You've been saying that for the past FIVE HOURS!" Everyone in the room winced when the Brit raised his voice.

"Angleterre, please calm down." France put a hand on England's shoulder. England just rolled his eyes and shrugged his hand off.

"You should calm down! You're not the one who got the freaking disease!" America snapped back through the thermometer.

"It's not really a disease… You just got a cold…" Canada was ignored.

"You just have a simple cold! And stop talking! We're trying to take your temperature!" England glared at the sick American.

Are you confused? I'll explain. America had gotten sick from visiting a certain Russian landmass without a coat. She thought she wouldn't really need one since it was summer and she wasn't going to stay for a very long time. Turns out she was wrong and now France, England, Canada, and even the President, who wasn't talking the whole time, are trying to nurse her back to health. It wasn't a very fun task…

"Your temperature is 44 degrees." President Obama said, taking out the thermometer. America's eyes widened.

"Wow! I was feeling a little chill, but I didn't know I was _that_ cold! Damn!"

"44 degrees Celsius, smart one. You have a fever." England rolled his eyes. The President did so, too, putting the thermometer back in her mouth.

"What made you think that you wouldn't need a coat in Russia? You could've at least worn a jacket." The President scolded. America tried to avoid eye contact. "Well, it's summer and I just thought-"

"You really are an idiot, America. I thought you'd be at least a little smarter as a girl." England prepared to get up and leave.

"Hey! I'm not an idiot! I was just tired and I wasn't thinking!" America fumed and sat up in bed. France pushed her back down.

"Please, Amerique. Don't get up in this condition. I suggest you just calm down and rest."

"England, please don't leave. We need you for-" Canada was interrupted by England slamming the bedroom door. He sighed. _Nobody ever listens to me._ President Obama nudged Canada.

"Could you possibly make some pancakes for America? She's going ballistic. I'll take England's place."

"Um… sure…" Canada left the room and went downstairs to cook. On his way down, he thought, _Someone actually remembered that I was here! YES!_

*MEANWHILE, IN MOSCOW*

"Go away. You're not Big Brother."

Belarus slammed the door in Russia's face. Russia frowned. She had been trying to get into her own house for quite a while. She wondered why Belarus must be a guard dog while "Big Brother" is away. It was rather annoying. _Why can't she find someone else to stalk?_

She started to walk away. "I guess I'll go find an airport. I have to go find Lithuania."

With that, she headed to the airport.

*A LITTLE WHILE LATER*

"S-Sure, Russia. You c-can s-s-s-stay with us…" Lithuania looked up at the towering Russian girl in front of him. _He's even scarier as a girl…_

"Spasibo, Liet. I'll make myself at home." Russia walked inside, ignoring the angry Polish guy sitting on the couch. He glared up at Russia.

"You're, like, not welcome here! I totally Russia-proofed this place, so you should, like, leave." Russia gave Poland her trademark I-will-kill-you-painfully-and-slowly-with-a-spoon smile.

"Oh really? How did you do that?"

"I totally replaced all the vodka in here with vinegar and you'll, like, never see it coming!"

Lithuania spit out the vodka he was drinking while Russia made a mental note not to drink any of the vodka in the house.

"What else did you do?"

"I totally attached explosives to the guest room bed! They totally respond to, like, weight pressing down on the bed!"

Lithuania's eyes widened. "Poland, isn't Estonia up there in that room on his computer? What if he sits on that bed?"

Poland rolled his eyes. "Do worry about it! I totally, like, told him about it! I'm not stupid, you know!"

Russia was trying hard to hold in a laugh. She said, "Is there anything else you did to Russia-proof this house?"

"Totally. I called my ponies so they could, like, trample all over you when I blow this whistle!" Poland took out a shiny pink whistle. Russia made a mental note to destroy that whistle.

"Is that all?"

"Like, totally! You'll, like, never see it coming! And I'll totally laugh when you drink that vodka, blow up, and get trampled by my awesome ponies!"

Russia smiled knowingly as Lithuania face-palmed. They both thought, _Is he really that stupid?_

*LATER*

"Poland, are you sure you told Estonia about those explosives?" Lithuania asked, looking up from his cooking. Poland laughed as he sat on the kitchen counter.

"Why would I, like, tell him about it? I totally forgot that he was here!" Lithuania's eyes widened.

"WHAT? Why didn't you tell him?"

Before Poland could answer, there was a huge explosion from upstairs. Estonia fell through the roof of the kitchen covered in ashes. He looked shocked as well as paralyzed.

"W-What happened? I was just on my computer and decided to lie down on the bed. The next thing I knew, I went BOOM…."

What happened next was hilariously horrific: Poland's pony brigade trampled the Estonian, breaking a few of his bones.

"Ouch." was his only response.

Lithuania slowly turned towards Poland, who looked elated that the explosives actually worked. Russia was cracking up from the living room. _What an idiot! Ha!_

*PRINCESS POLAND*

**Some hospital in Moscow**

"Poland, why? Why nust you always be so ignorant?" Latvia said bluntly. He earned a smack in the back of his head from Lithuania afterwards.

"I, like, totally didn't see that coming!" Poland gave them all a thousand watt smile.

"Me neither! That was so funny, I think I'll stay for a while, da?"

They all trembled and turned their heads towards Russia (save for the unconsous Estonia). Latvia sharply elbowed Poland and whispered "Nice going you flaming pinhead! Now Russia is staying with us!"

They could've sworn they heard Estonia whimpering from the bed, "S-Shut up, Latviaaaaaaaa!"

**This was kind of a filler chapter… Once again, I was trying to focus on other characters. America was sick because she dropped Russia off at her country using a private jet. She stayed for a couple of days before going back to America. I don't feel like going back and explaining that in the story…**

**I have nothing against Poland or Estonia, I swear. I just thought it would be funny if Russia outsmarted Poland like that. So, you did notice it was Thursday, right? You know what that means~**

**About the President being there, wouldn't you take care of the country you're in charge of if he/she was sick? I sure would.**

**How about the Olympics? I'm totally watching right now! TEAM USA! France just won against Columbia in women's soccer, guys! How do you feel about that? **

**GO WORLD! I'M CHEERING YOU GUYS ON!**

**What? I can't cheer for everyone? Am I confusing you?**

**Well guys, I'll see you after my visit to Florida for Russia and America's next surprise!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	12. Letting the Cat Out of the Box

**Miss me? Probably not, huh? Oh well I made a new chapter anyways.**

**Southern Florida's pretty cool. I went to Miami and had plenty of fun! The first restaurant we went to had this delicious Belgian food. And guess what? Some Italian dude served it to us and he reminded me WAY too much of Hetalia's Italy. Even his attitude and looks reminded me of him! I think I watch too much Hetalia…**

**But the best part was going to the Everglades. We didn't see any wild alligators, but we watched this animal show where a guy wrestled an alligator. He let me hold an African Emperor Scorpion. Don't worry about me. It didn't sting. I also held an alligator. You know, one of those baby ones. The best part about the show was that the host was making the audience freak out by putting animals on their shoulders. Personally, I thought the animals were just cool, not freaky.**

**On the last day, it rained. I know, it sucks, right? We couldn't really do much…**

**So yeah, on a side note… WE TOTALLY CRUSHED RUSSIA IN GYMNASTICS! Yep, the United States of Awesome beat the Russian Federation in Olympics gymnastics!**

**Russia: Kolkolkolkol…**

**Sorry Russia.**

**Disclaimer: You know I don't own anything. You know it. Hey, I got that taco I was craving before.**

**Sorry about my pointless rambling. I'm giving you a freaking life story, huh? Here, have a chapter.**

**Washington DC, America's house. 9:30 am.**

"Uh… America, is that you?"

Said American jolted up out of bed at the sound of the President's voice. She saluted with the wrong hand and sat back on her hunches.

"The United States of Awesome at your service Mr. President!" That came out to be more like: "Meow! Meow, meow, meow!"

The president gave her an odd look. "So it is you. They turned you into a cat now?" America just stared at him.

_What? I'm a cat?! OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE!_ America darted into the bathroom and scrambled up the toilet and onto the sink. She-ahem- He saw two blue eyes surrounded by a fuzzy face staring back at him. America was definitely a cat. There's no doubt about it. He had pale yellowish fur with a collar of fluffy brown fur around his neck. Nantucket still had its place on his head, still mocking gravity and there was a little glasses-like fur design under his eyes. He turned around to see a fluffy tail. Narrowing his eyes, he jumped for it. The tail fled behind him and he missed. Growling, Alfred tried again… and again… and again. He kept on trying until he fell out of the sink, knocking over the liquid soap with him. The top fell off and the next thing Alfred knew, he was covered in soap. President Obama heard the racket from outside the bathroom. He didn't even dare to try to find out what happened. He just knew Alfred did something stupid.

*LET'S SEE HOW THE RUSKI'S DOING*

**Unknown time, unknown place.**

_Ugh… Where am I? Let's see… Um… I was at the Baltics' house, da? But then what happened?_ Russia tried to get up, but she hit her head against… something…

She couldn't see anything. She couldn't really hear much, either. There was nothing she could smell. All she could do was feel. All she felt was fur and metal and… pain… What happened?

Suddenly, Russia saw a bright light in front of her. Squinting, she saw… The President of the United States?

He said, "Oh hey there! You must be Russia. To avoid any further confusion, I'll tell you what's going on. You are a cat. Apparently, you were mailed here. America's in the house. Yes, he's a cat, too. Now do you need help out of this mailbox?"

Russia blinked. The President let him process what was being told to him. When he did, he meowed. The President pulled the large cat out of the mailbox and put him down.

"Well, I'm very busy so you can get into the house through the dog door. Goodbye." With that, the President signaled a helicopter that was flying above the neighborhood. It sent down a ladder for him. After he got up the ladder, they were off. How did Russia not hear that through a mailbox? Only god knows…

Ivan observed himself to see that he was a dark brown fluffy cat. That was all. He didn't have a fur design at all. He was just a dark brown cat. And where was his scarf?

When Ivan pushed that thought away, he went through the doggy door and he was immediately ambushed by a hyper streak of yellow and brown. _Stop! Get off of me!_

_Hey bro! Wassup? I'm a cat! I'm a freaking cat! We're both cats! Do you know what that means?!_

_What? What does it mean? Please get off of me._

Alfred got off of the confused Russian cat and hopped up and down excitedly. Ivan wondered why Alfred had a habit of jumping on him. And why was he so happy? They were cats. That's not very good news…

_It means we have free will! We could just sit there and sleep all day and no one will judge us! We could find entertainment from a box and guess what? No one will judge us! Hell, we could lick our own privates without being judged!_

Ivan gave him an odd look. Alfred scratched the back of his neck with his hind leg, embarrassed.

_Um… Not that I would, of course!_

Deciding not to push the subject any further, Ivan meowed back, _I'm pretty hungry. Is your brother here?_

_Yeah, he's upstairs with Gilbo. I don't think you want to interrupt their alone time._

_Oh… Well then… maybe we could find something simple to eat…_

_Pfft! Screw that I'm calling Tony!_

When he said that, Tony walked into the kitchen mumbling a stream of curses. Speak of the devil and he will come… Tony didn't even acknowledge the cats. He just took out a carton of milk and glared at it. The carton had a cow on it. He then left the kitchen without closing the refrigerator. Alfred just stared at it.

_Well I guess we're cooking, Commie. Make sure the meal doesn't involve milk._

_I never agreed to cook with you!_

_No, you didn't. I never gave you a choice._ Alfred scrambled up the kitchen counter and took a spatula out of the top drawer. He threw it at Ivan and took out a frying pan. _You want a hamburger?_

_Nyet._

_Too bad. That's what you're getting and you're gonna eat it._

_What?_

Alfred took some ground beef out of the fridge. _Let's get cooking!_

_Pushy…_

**Yes, I know it's a short chapter. But trust me, there will be plenty more of Nekotalia for you guys! What do you think about that? Them as cats and all… I have a lot of cute scenes planned for them! There's even a little adventure! I'll stop talking before I spoil anything.**

**Next chapter: What will Mr. Cuddles think of this?**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	13. Sounds Greek to Me

**Ready for another rant? Too bad if not!**

**Oh my goodness I'm watching the Olympics again. This time it's basketball. Argentina vs. USA! Dude, the games pretty close but I'm cheering our awesome basketball stars on! Sorry Argentina…**

**I just got back from this birthday party thing. My Hetalia-loving friend got a lot of Hetalia-related things. Including the Flying Mint Bunny necklace that I already had! I wanted to be the only one of my friends with it… T_T**

**Oh well! The party was awesome anyways! I know what you're thinking: Wait a minute… Didn't you JUST get back from Florida?! WTF, man?**

**Yep. Adventurous summer.**

**Question: How many of you hate France? I know it's pretty random but I just want to know… I don't get why so many fangirls hate him. I think he just makes things epic with his pervy-gayness. He's kinda funny. Almost my favorite character. Almost. No one can beat America. And Turkey too, why do you hate him?! He's pretty awesome! I honestly don't get some people… Haters gonna hate, I guess…**

**Oh brother I'm ranting again. Sorry! You should just read the story.**

**DISCLAIMER: Do I have to do this EVERY CHAPTER? Don't you get the point? I own absolutely NOTHING except some jokes and ideas in this story! And myself. Let's not forget that.**

**America's kitchen, noon.**

"What the bloody hell is going on in here?!" Alfred and Ivan gave England the 'deer-in-the-headlights' look as they stopped cooking. Busted!

England gawked at the mess the two cats have caused. There were pieces of hamburger splattered on the walls, which had ketchup, mustard, and something else England couldn't identify dripping from them. There were bits and pieces of random foods all over the floors and the kitchen sink was overflowing with bubbles and water. The cats were covered in what looked like pancake batter, but they were cooking some kind of stew. Alfred and Ivan were both holding the ladle, trying their best to stir since they didn't have opposable thumbs anymore. And guess what? The stew smelt _good_!

_Oh crud, Ivan, he's in the kitchen! _Alfred meowed. Ivan just looked at him.

_Da, England's in the kitchen. So what?_

Right when Ivan said that back, the beef stroganoff in the oven burst into flames. It wasn't the cats' fault. They checked on it five minutes ago and it looked almost raw…

England laughed at the cats that were trying to stop their tails from catching fire. Alfred managed to escape the fire, but Ivan wasn't so lucky. His tail caught on fire and he was trying to find a safe place to stop, drop, and roll. Alfred dashed into the downstairs bathroom and found the fire extinguisher. He came back into the kitchen to find England flailing his now flaming arms around. Trying to keep from laughing, Alfred somehow activated the fire extinguisher and shot the foamy stuff all over the kitchen. The fire was all out, but now the kitchen was all foamy. Alfred and Ivan found their way out of the foam and got back on the stove. The stew was surprisingly untouched and it smelled great! Alfred taste tested it to find that it was delicious.

_Yo, Ivan! This stuff is amazing! Sorry about your stroganoff…_

_Nyet, it's fine. Let me have a taste! _Ivan took a few licks of the stew and loved it. They both turned their attention to England, who was crawling his way out of the foam. When he saw the cats enjoying their stew, he angrily charged towards them.

"Hey! You bloody gits better clean this mess up! And what's this?" England snatched the ladle out of the pot and took a swig of the stew. His eyes widened. "This… tastes AMAZING! How do you do it? Tell me!"

Both cats exchanged glances and meowed. England finally realized that he couldn't talk to cats and simply picked up the pot of food and took it into the dining room. Well, not really. He tripped on the way and the stew was splattered all over the floor. Alfred whined and jumped to the floor, licking up the stew. Ivan followed. Since he was a cat, it didn't matter, right? Eating food off the floor is common for pets.

*I HAD A PET FISH NAMED DJ…*

"What the holy hell are kitty cats doing at my doorstep?" Turkey stared down at the Alfred and Ivan.

"Cats? Did you just say cats?" Greece practically materialized himself behind Turkey to see the cats. When he saw them, he harshly shoved Turkey out of the way before petting the cats. After the little kitchen incident, England sent them next door to Turkey and Greece's house. Yep, you heard me. Turkey and Greece's house. The two of them shared a house. Even though they didn't get along, they tolerated each other. In fact, they tolerated each other so much that they actually have fun together (You guys can look at that in any way you want to.) Last time Japan visited, they were _getting along_. I can't tell you how happy Japan was that day.

So, anyway…

Greece picked Alfred up and put him on his head. Then he took Ivan into the house, not even questioning where they came from. Rolling his eyes, Turkey followed, closing the door. Into the house, Greece takes the cats. His eyes, Turkey rolls. Did you like my Yoda talk? (Yes, a Star Wars reference.)

As they were carried inside, they could hear the various conversations of many other cats.

"My fur is prettier than yours!"

"Shut up! You're a freaking disgrace! Real cats are supposed to be tough, successful hunters! What happened to us?"

"No you shut up! And hunting? Pfft! I don't need to hunt! Humans serve me!"

"What a disgrace…"

"Where's the freaking litter box? I have to _go_!"

"Did I mention I'm _starving?!_"

"Where's my toy mouse?"

"I killed it."

"OMG A SQUIRREL!"

"Let's just calm down guys!"

"Yo dawgs, I gots me a ball of yarn!"

"D-Dogs? Where?!"

"Haters gonna hate."

"They see me rollin'. They hatin'"

"Hey look! We have new family!"

All cats turned their attention towards Alfred and Ivan. As soon as Greece put them down on the floor, they were ambushed by a huge group of cats. They all piled up into a welcoming cat group hug. They all welcomed them.

"Welcome, kitties! As long as you call me pretty, we'll be great friends!"

"Shut up, Aphrodite! Welcome to the family, guys! Don't mind her! By the way, the name's Sparta."

"Hey there! My name's Macedonia! I really have to pee…"

"Seriously, guys, I'm starving over here!"

"Mouseeeee! Why?! Ares, why did you do that?"

"It's simple, Athens. I have a terrible bloodlust."

"Aww… The squirrel got away… Well, welcome to our home, guys! My name is Artemis!"

"Hello. My name is Athena. It's a real pain trying to keep everyone calm…"

"Sup! Dionysus is the name!"

"H-Hey there… My name is… Apollo…"

"My name is Pericles. Now what is your name? What is a name supposed to represent? Where do we come up with them?"

"Hello! My name is Hades. Despite the name, I actually very nonchalant."

"Greetings. My name is Odysseus. I'm the one in charge here, so my nickname is Zeus."

Alfred and Ivan stared at these guys. They were so… interesting…

*SERIOUSLY, GUYS. DJ WAS, LIKE, MY BEST FRIEND! T_T*

After bidding farewell to Turkey, Greece, and the cats, Alfred and Ivan headed back to the house. They had a great time hanging out with the odd family. Alfred was wondering why Greece was blushing so much when they walked into the living room…

When they went through the doggy door, they were greeted by Mr. Cuddles.

_Hey guys! What's up? Why are you cats?_

_Hey Mr. Cuddles! Dude, we don't even know! Some sick bastard is messing with us! Oh-ho-ho when I find them, I scratching their eyes out!_

_Da, and I will slowly torture them with a spoon._

… _Okay then… I always thought you two were weird…_

_Hey, Mr. Cuddles, don't think about it too much. I'm the hero and I'll surely get things back to normal!_

_You're the hero? THEN I SHALL BE THE HERO TOO! _Mr. Cuddles made an epic hero pose. America happily followed this action and somehow a sparkly stars and stripes background appeared behind them. Ivan face-pawed.

**Yay! Alfie and Iv met some new friends! I thought it would be pretty cute and funny to give each one of Greece's cats an individual personality and a Greek name. What do you guys think? The conversations they were having are at the same order as when the cats introduced themselves. So now you know who says what.**

**Yes, I did hint at TurkeyxGreece. I did that just to annoy a friend of mine who hates that pairing. (I know you're reading, Lizzy!) I honestly don't mind that pairing at all. Still, I'm a Giripan fangirl. But that's one of my other Greece pairings! : 3**

**You thought I forgot about Mr. Cuddles? No way, bro. No way.**

**Next chapter: The odd adventure continues!**

**Alright now uber Brodience! Bless yo face and if you sneezed while reading this, bless you! Brofist! (If you get any of these references, I'll give you a cyber-cookie.)**

**Reviews make me feel better after a bad day! *puppy face***

**Hasta la pasta!**


	14. LoveHate Relationships

**I'm back and I'm not dead!**

**I GOT A PET KITTY! His name is Pepper. His other names include: Sparta, Bro/Broski, Finland/Finny (there was a cat that shared a cage with him and her name was Finland. We confused him for Finland…), and Sir Poopsalot. He pooped in the car on the way home… -.-**

**I was also doing this school summer reading assignment. I know, it's kinda last minutey, but hey I was busy!**

**Alright! USA pwned in the Olympics! Too bad it's over…**

**You can think of this chapter as cracky and random. Those silly cats… But first, there will be something fluffy!**

**Speaking of which, I think I forgot to name the cat that was hungry in the last chapter… Her name is Ananke. My bad…**

**Italics are for- well you know what they're for! As of now, they're for dreams and cat talk between Alfred and Ivan. When Greece's cats are talking with them, there are no italics.**

**DISCLAIMER: Hey guess what? Mr. Himaruya sold Hetalia to me! Just kidding! I own nothing of his, as well as the other references!**

**America's house, 10:00 am.**

_Ivan woke up to find himself in some kind of sunflower field. He looked around at the flowers that towered over him. It was… beautiful…_

_He heard a rustling behind some sunflowers. He stalked up to the flowers then pounced through them. He found nothing… There was a rustling further ahead Ivan once again pounced into the rustling. _

_Nothing._

_He tried again when he heard more rustling, and this time, he landed in a little puddle that was surrounded by sunflowers. He sat up and looked around, a little confused. Then he felt something lick his cheek. He whipped his head around to see nothing. The thing licked the other cheek. He turned around again to see nothing. He was licked again and he fell for it again, only this time, he peeked the other way to see who it was._

_It was Alfred. The cheery kitty gave Ivan a thousand watt grin. He tried to lick Ivan, but the Russian cat pounced on him. "Hey cut it out!" Alfred continued to grin. Then he said, "Wake up, Ivan! Come on, dude, and wake up!"_

"_Huh?" Ivan replied dumbly._

"_Wake up, Ivanski, bro! Come on!"_

Ivan awoke.

_Come on Ivan! Wake uuuuuuuuuuup~_ Alfred rudely tried shoving Ivan awake. The Russian cat did wake up but he tried to ignore the American. This was a bad idea for Alfred decided to jump on him.

_Wake_-jump-_up_-jump-_I_-jump-_want_-jump-_to_-jump-_play_!

"_CRASH_!"  
Alfred began to pull on Ivan's ear with his teeth after crashing on top of him. _Come ooooooooon_ Alfred whined through clenched teeth. Ivan finally gave up.

_Alfred, what do you want?_

Alfred simply grinned.

*HORY SHEET*

_DANANANANANANANANANANANANA BATMAN!_ Alfred shouted as they shot down the hill on the little skateboard. Ivan, who was terrified, mewed, _Alfredka, I don't think this is safe!_

_What was that, Ivan? I can't hear you over my awesomeness! And what did you just call me?_

Ivan wanted to say something but he was too busy worrying about his tail getting caught in the wheels. Alfred's definition of playing was apparently getting on a skateboard with Ivan and zipping down the hill at top speed. He said it was to get an adrenaline rush…

Ivan was definitely getting an adrenaline rush…

Then Ivan saw what was ahead of them: a small construction site. You know, where they have to fix a small part of the sidewalk and there are cones and planks and stuff like that? Yeah that kinda construction site… There was a plank that was set up like a ramp in front of them and Alfred took advantage of that. They weren't even on the ramp for a second before they were up in the air. Ivan clung onto Alfred as if he was a security blanket, digging his nails into the American daredevil cat's skin. Alfred didn't seem to mind, though.

They managed to get high enough in the air to land on the roof of someone's front porch. Alfred pushed the skateboard on with his paws to keep its speed. When they reached the edge of the roof, Alfred tried a kick-flip. It surprisingly worked and they were up in the air again. They rode down the next roof, and the one after that, and the one after that. But Alfred messed up on the last try. They came crashing down on a lemonade stand.

…

Well _Ivan_ landed in the lemonade stand while Alfred landed harshly on the ground next to it. Ignoring the surprised kids that were selling the lemonade, Ivan jumped down from the rubble and checked on Alfred.

_Fredka, are you okay?_ Alfred weakly lifted his head to look up at Ivan. Shaking, he meowed, _Pure. Adrenaline._ That was when he passed out on the ground. Ivan sighed. _He's fine._

And with that, Ivan carried Alfred home.

*I'M MAGICALLY DELICOUS! -ENGLAND*

"Welcome back my pretties!"

"Greetings, my fellow soldiers!"

"Hi! Don't have time to chat! Need… litter box…"

"Did you bring food?!"

"Hello…"

"Have you come back for me to kill you?"

"Hey guys, what's up- SQUIRREL!"

"Hello there! No one is calmed down yet. I apologize."

"Sup, bros, how's it goin'?"

"H-Hi! Welcome ba-"

"You're back already? What brings you here?"

"Yeah, welcome back and all that bullshit."

"Hello. I see you have come back. Make yourselves at home!"

Alfred and Ivan greeted Greece's kitties and decided to play. After Alfred crashed and passed out, Ivan took him back home. Then he took Alfred with him to Greece and Turkey's house. Mr. Cuddles came along. He did not say anything as the other cats rambled on. Greece walked into the room and saw the two cats he had met yesterday and Mr. Cuddles. He kneeled down and petted them before going into another room. The cats watched him go and sat down, staring in that direction. Zeus counted the digits on his paws.

"Five, four, three, two, one…"

"Hey! Get off of me you little-… Stop that… Don't touch me there!"

All the other cats snickered. Aphrodite mewed, "Those two are madly in love. It's so cute!" Her eyes made little hearts. Sparta rolled his eyes. "Those two obviously hate each other to the core! There's no way!"

Ananke nudged Alfred, Ivan, and Mr. Cuddles. "Those two argue like a married couple. It's obvious that they're in love!" Sparta started attacking Aphrodite. Aphrodite shouted, "No! I'm too pretty to die!"

Yep, these were some interesting cats.

**Okay guys, I made a new update! Even though it was a pointless update! Next chapter, we will continue the plotline! And Matthew and Gilbert return! YAY~**

**About Ivan's little dream… He's starting to gain a little crush on Alfredo! How cute…**

**So yeah… I don't have much else to say so…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	15. What happens in the Night

**Sup, bros, how's it going? I'm gonna introduce Pepper to you guys! Say hi, Pepper!**

**Pepper: Hi, Pepper!**

… **Eyup. That's my kitty for ya. He's kind of a derp. Just like me! Yay~**

**I'm also writing another story: The Belarusian Stalker Song. It's just the songs that fit Hetalia the best! You guys should check it out! I need a song for Romano that would be easy to write the lyrics to… I know, it's self-advertisement but hey, it's a good story!**

**So, yeah, you guys came here to read a chapter so I give you a chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Pepper, you do it.**

**Pepper: Okay! Pasta doesn't own anything! Every time someone is flamed for not owning something, a kitty dies. Please, think of the kitties.**

**Um… Yeah… So… Story!**

**Greece and Turkey's American house, midnight. Monday.**

Sparta felt something furry next to him as he slept. He opened one eye to see the fluffy, silky, annoyingly pretty fur of Aphrodite. He closed his eye again.

Realization in 3…. 2… 1…

"Eh? What the hell are you doing in my bed, Aphro?" He glared at the pretty cat sleeping next to him and nudged her awake. He was too tired to do anything harsh. Her sapphire eyes slowly opened, glowing in the dark.

"What do you want, Sparta?"

"I wanna know why you're sleeping in my kitty bed." He narrowed his harsh emerald eyes, orange-striped fur rising from anger. Aphrodite yawned and frowned. "Oh yeah, that… There's a spider in my bed! It's hideous! None of the other cats would let me sleep with them and our guests are in the living room for sleeping over! It's too scary!" She overdramatically fainted in the bed. Sparta rolled his eyes. "Show me the stupid bug."

Aphrodite timidly led Sparta to her bed, where the spider was making a web. It was a truly beautiful creation. It looked like that little spider worked extremely hard on it.

Sparta slashed the web and tangled it all up into a ball. Then he grabbed the spider and glared at it. Then his glare turned into a soft smiley face as he stared into the spider's pitiful eyes. Yep, he looked into all eight of them.

"Aw! You're kinda cute! I'm gonna call you… Greg!" Aphrodite just stared at him. "Greg? Seriously?"

"Yes! I shall call him Greg! He kinda looks like a Greg…" Sparta grinned and put the spider on his head. Aphrodite rolled her eyes. "That's it! I'm going to the living room. You are just loony."

As Aphrodite stylishly walked out of the room, Sparta stuck his tongue out at her. How mature of him… She paid no mind and simply waltzed away.

As she was going to the living room, she could hear a conversation going on between Alfred and Ivan. _Hmmm… I wonder what they're up to…_

She hid behind a wall to listen in on the conversation.

"Alfredka! Stop it! It hurts!"

"Hold on! I'm trying to get it out!"

"Well get it out quickly!"

"Chill out, bro! I'm doing it, okay?"

Aphrodite heard Ivan whimper.

"ALFREDKA, PLEASE STOP! AAAAAAAAAH- ahhhh~"

"See, now was that so bad?"

"Da, but at least it's over…"

"Are you suggesting that I'm not doing it well? You should be grateful that I pulled it out for you! Hmph!"

"N-Nyet! It's fine! That just really hurt…"

Aphrodite couldn't take it anymore. She just _had _to see what those two were doing! Peeking out from behind the wall, she saw Alfred and Ivan on the couch… holding a bloody knife?

"Spasibo, Alfred. That knife was just hanging there and I couldn't see it…" Ivan rubbed a wound on his shoulder. Alfred grinned. His teeth just glistened in the dark. How does one keep his teeth that clean?

"No prob, Ivanski! I'm the hero! And that's what heroes do!" Aphrodite was seriously confused. _Okay so they have a knife… And they were talking about pulling something out… Ivan said that thing really hurt…_

_Processing…. Processing…. Processing…_

_Light bulb!_

_Oh, yes, it all makes sense now! Alfred was pulling a knife that somehow stabbed Ivan out! I'm such a genius!_

Aphrodite did a little victory dance, making a bit of noise.

"Who goes there? Show yourself, you filthy fiend!" Alfred started searching the room for the intruder. Ivan face-pawed. Although he was quite curious as to whom this intruder was also. Aphrodite shyly revealed herself, and as soon as Alfred saw her, he lowered his defense. "Oh. It's just you. What brings you here, pretty lady?"

"Oh, nothing! I was too just scared to sleep alone because of a little… pest problem… Sparta was being a nutcase so I just came here to find another place to sleep."

Alfred grinned. "Well you're welcome to sleep with us if you're scared!"

"Really? Thanks!" Aphrodite trotted up to them and slept on the couch next to Alfred, snuggled into his fur. Alfred smiled sheepishly. "Yep, I'll do anything for a damsel in distress! Y'know, 'cause I'm the hero!"

Ivan felt some kind of lump in his stomach when Aphrodite snuggled into Alfred. He didn't know where it came from, but he grew a sudden dislike for the silky-haired white kitty. Smiling coldly, he lay down next to the American cat and wrapped his tail around him. Nuzzling Alfred, he said, "Spasibo, Alfred. Ya lublu tabya."

Alfred was little confused and creeped out at the same time. He knew Russian due to multiculturalism but he just couldn't put his paw on it. He's heard those three words before… Ivan had said it to him during the Cold War. Alfred was still not a hundred percent sure what Ivan had said back then… Maybe it was something about ice cream…

_Oh well… It's too late in the night to think this deeply anyways…_

With that, Alfred fell asleep, stuck between Ivan and Aphrodite.

*I LIKE TURTLES*

As Greece and Turkey were arguing over breakfast, the kitties were watching the movie Aristocats. All the cats mewed along, "Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat! Meow!"

Well… All the cats except Sparta were meowing along. Sparta was too busy fangirling over Greg, his new pet.

When he saw this, Turkey didn't even bother asking. He simply drank his morning tea and dealt with it. Greece smiled at this sight.

After breakfast, Alfred, Ivan, and the oh-so quiet Mr. Cuddles (who slept through Alfred and Ivan's little knife situation) went home.

*BACON SUNDAE!*

"C'mon, Ivan! Just a little more… Aha! Got it!" Alfred hit the doorbell with his paws before hopping off of Ivan's back. They were at England's house. Since the Brit knows black magic, maybe, just maybe, he could turn Alfred and Ivan back to normal. But instead of England, France answered the door, looking rather messy. His hair looked like a total train wreck. In fact, France himself looked like a total train wreck compared to his usual style. His clothes looked like they were hastily put on and his face was flushed and sweaty. Alfred and Ivan decided not to ask.

_Hey, Francey-pants can you help us out? We need to find England!_ Alfred mewed, hopping up a down. Ivan face-pawed once again. _Alfred, we're cats. He can't understand us._

_Oh yeah…_

France looked at them oddly. "Are you hungry? I'm sorry but we don't have any food available. If you want England, he's busy. But if you want England's leftover scones, knock yourselves out." The two cats groaned and France chuckled knowingly. "Yes, I'm feel you guys there. Well, bon voyage!" He shut the door.

_Crap. _Alfred moaned. Ivan rolled his eyes before dragging Alfred away by the tail. _Come on, Alfred. There's a world meeting tomorrow. We're cats, but we still can't miss it._

_World Meeting?!_

**Alrighty, guys! A world meeting! Whoo-hoo! Let's see how this plays out, hmmm?**

**Translations: **

**Spasibo- Thank you**

**Ya lublu tabya (is that right?) – I love you. Yes, guys. He said it!**

**I don't have much to say, so…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	16. Chasing Poles Isn't Safe

**World meeting time! Yay! This is a long chapter...**

**Okay so I got a request for 2P!Alfred and Ivan and guess what? They will come in the story! However, they will not be next! They will be in here, though!**

**So yeah… Story!**

**Disclaimer: I don't even look like I own anything!**

_**FLASHBACK: Wednesday, midnight at America's house**_

_As Alfred slept on his living room couch, Ivan was sneaking out of the doggy door. He traveled next door to Turkey and Greece's house and climbed in through the kitty door. On the couch sleeping was none other than Aphrodite. Ivan grinned madly. "This will be fun…"_

_Ha stalked up to her and very quietly snuck up behind her. Then, after a long moment of silence, he yowled. "BOO!"_

_Aphrodite shot up off of the floor in shock. When she saw it was just Ivan, she smiled._

"_Oh hi, Ivan! That was clever of you! Nice one! But what are you doing here?"_

_Ivan scowled at her. "Don't make me laugh. Listen here. If I see you flirting with my Alfredka, I will skin you alive. Understood?"_

_Aphrodite blinked. "What? You like Alfred? Aren't you both… males?"_

"_Stop trying to change the subject!"_

"_Sorry… But, Ivan I wasn't flirting with Alfred! I was just… scared." Ivan frowned. "I still don't believe you…"_

"_Fine, then. But I must let you know that my heart is for another cat! I have absolutely no interest in Alfred. If I acted like a schoolgirl in love, that is simply how I am! I AM Aphrodite, after all. Chill out!" Aphrodite was unnervingly calm in front of the angry Russian cat._

"_Really? Then who is this other cat?"_

"_I'm not telling you!" That was when Aphrodite was pushed into the wall by Ivan._

"_Okay! Okay! I'll tell you! It's… Sparta…" Ivan raised his eyebrow at this. "Oh… So you'll keep your distance, da?"_

"_Da."_

"_Don't mock me."_

"_Sorry…"_

_With that, Ivan walked out of the house through the kitty doors. He could've sworn that he heard Sparta's voice on the way out. He chuckled. "Looks like they are going to have a long discussion…"_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

**Washington DC, the city. 10:00 am. Wednesday.**

"D-r-i-v-e Drive, t-a-x-i taxi d-u-d-e dude!" Alfred hastily typed in on the Speak and Spell toy he found in his closet. The taxi driver floored it. Ivan was sleeping during this scene, dreaming about that flashback. They were ripping down the street to get to the airport to make it to the flight to France. That was where the next world conference was being held.

"H-u-r-r-y Hurry u-p up!" He typed some more. It was a pain to spell but at least it worked. Alfred scowled at the little device. _I wish I didn't have to spell these words!_

"Well, excuse me for being a Speak and Spell. We all can't be translators!" the Speak and Spell protested. Alfred, Ivan, and the taxi driver gaped at the Speak and Spell. The toy continued.

"You all think I'm a freaking child's toy, huh? Well screw you! I don't need you!" the Speak and Spell powered off. Alfred opened his mouth to meow something but he was interrupted by the taxi driver.

"We're here!" Right when he finished that sentence, the cats were gone. He shouted, "Hey! You have to pay- huh?" He saw a pile of money in the passenger seat. "Sweet!"

"Sir, we are here for the flight to France!" Alfred typed into an actual translator machine he stole from some person in the airport. The flight attendant stared at the cats. "You're a cat…"

"Yes! Now where's the freaking flight?" Alfred typed back. The woman laughed.

"As if! You guys are cats! Sure, you're smart cats, but you're still cats! I'm sorry I can't help you."

Ivan glared at the woman and an aura surrounded him. He typed into the translator. "Give directions. Now."

The woman shivered. "Um… S-sure! I'll help you r-right away!" Alfred and Ivan followed the poor woman, snickering.

_Ivan, dude that was epic!_

_Spasibo, Alfredka. I try._

_What did you just call me?_

*BAD APPLE*

"When is this meeting starting, aru?"

"America and Russia are missing da-zee…"

"Let's just forget about those gits and continue the meeting."

"Nien! The topic today is about the Olympics, and since America won the most medals, we need him!"

"Angleterre, be patient. They might just come. Or they could be… busy. *le perverted wink*"

The whole room erupted at France's remark. Belarus is the one who went most berserk at this. "What? My big brother would never do such a thing to that capitalist pig!"

"I dunno, I like, totally think they're up to like, something!" Poland decided to butt into the conversation. "Poland, please don't." Lithuania, too.

"Uh… guys? Maybe it's just a coincidence that they're gone at the same time…" And then Canada wants to be involved. Of course, no one listened to him.

"Ve~ Maybe it's just a coincidence…" Italy is getting involved, too!

"You stupid bastardos! Let's just forget about them!" Romano is, too.

Just when Romano said that, the door opened to reveal two cats that resembled America and Russia. America typed into the translator, "We are here!" Russia snatched the translator and typed in to Alfred, "You idiotic capitalist pig, they don't know that we're Russia and America!"

"Now they do. And I'm not a pig! I'm a cat! Do I look like a freaking pig?" America typed back.

"Are you trying to make me insult you?" Russia typed in return. America didn't answer that, but he just glared at Ivan.

Everyone in the room stared at the cats for a moment. Then they started laughing (save for France, England, Turkey, Greece, Germany, and other nations that never smile or show emotion).

"That's impossible! Weren't you two the cats that I met earlier?" Turkey exclaimed. Greece fell asleep on his shoulder.

"Da-zee! That is so cool! How do you turn into kitties?"

"I'm more of a dog person…"

"Big Brother Russia? You're a cat?"

"Little Vanya's a kitty! How cute!"

"Ve~ They're so cute!"

"Hey! Don't ignore me over some stupid cat bastards!"

"Calm down and enjoy the kitties, Lovi~"

"Shut up Tomato Bastard!"

"THEY'RE SO KAWAII ARU!" China charged for the kitties and put them into a death hug. Germany had to pry the cats out of his grip. "Okay then… Well now that they're here, let's get this meeting started." America hopped to the floor and typed in on the translator: "I totally owned all of you in the Olympics!"

That was all it took to make the whole meeting chaos. Everyone kept on arguing over "who won this" and "who cheated on that".

Then America and Russia suddenly caught a certain article of clothing wrapped around Poland's neck.

_Ivan, buddy is that you're scarf Poland's wearing?_

_Da, it is! That's it! I'm going to turn that "fabulous" face of his into a bloody mess!_

Ivan stepped forward. Then he charged after the Pole before Alfred could stop him. Poland noticed this and started running for his dear life. Alfred started chasing Ivan who was chasing Poland. They chased each other out of the conference room and out onto the street. They passed and French stand that was selling French bread and Poland hid behind the man selling the stuff. The Frenchman started cursing at Poland in French. Alfred understood every word of it. _Holy shit, dude, watch your language! That's some colorful stuff you've got there! I didn't even know you could say such stuff!_

His thoughts were interrupted as Ivan crashed into the stand and started knocking off all the bread before throwing one at Poland. The Pole fled from the stand and started for his fabulous pink private jet. The cats followed.

*AFTER A VERY LONG JET RIDE THAT I DON'T FEEL LIKE WRITING ABOUT*

**Thursday afternoon, Washington DC.**

Poland had made it to his American home and rested on his couch. He opened his briefcase that he bought with him…

To be ambushed by a very. Pissed. Off. Russian. Cat. Oh, and Alfred, too. Poland didn't even hesitate to start running away after he flung the cats off of himself. Ivan once again started chasing Poland and Alfred desperately tried to stop him. _Come on, dude! Give me a break!_

_Nyet, I need my scarf!_

Ivan was even more motivated to take his scarf back. It was getting a little late, though…

Poland ran off into a familiar forest at surprising speed. "Like, no! I want to keep this fabulous scarf! It brings out my eyes!" Ivan rolled his eyes and followed. _No it doesn't…_ Alfred followed along, even though he was getting seriously getting tired. _You're right, dude! They bring out your eyes much more!_

Ivan turned his head to look back at Alfred. _Do you know half the things you're saying to me? You've been complementing me a lot…_

_Nope! Hey, Ivan!_

_What now, Alfred?_ That was when Ivan crashed into a tree, allowing Poland to get away with the scarf. Alfred trotted up to the half-conscious Ivan. _I was gonna tell you to watch out for that tree._

Ivan didn't answer as his eyes went a little googly. Alfred waved his paw in Ivan's face. _Ivan, bro are you okay? Ivan?_

*GEORGE, GEORGE, GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE*

Alfred set himself on a quest to find Ivan's scarf for him. He wasn't exactly sure why he wanted to help Ivan, but after what they've been through, he's been helping Ivan and Ivan's been helping him return. They've got each other's backs, right?

It didn't take long until he found the ripped up scarf hanging from a tree. It had a little blood on it… _Poland must've gotten caught in the branches…_

He reached up to grab the scarf before wrapping it around his neck. It was a bit too big though… Alfred turned on his heels to get back to Ivan. But as soon as he turned around, he saw a familiar looking bear.

_Oh, well hi there! No hard feelings right, buddy?_ Alfred meowed nervously. The bear sniffed him and confirmed that Alfred was the one that hurt it. The bear roared in his face, blowing Alfred's fur back. Alfred blinked before he suddenly came up with a genius escape plan.

_Hey, what's that over there?!_ Alfred pointed above the bear's head. The large, violent teddy bear fell for it and turned his head to look off in the direction. He grunted when he didn't see anything interesting and turned back around to see that Alfred was gone. He roared and looked behind himself again to see Alfred running as fast as his little legs could carry him. The bear turned around and ran after him at record speed.

On the way, Alfred tripped over the scarf and fell into the moist soil below. After spitting out some bugs and dirt, he continued. Seconds later, it started pouring down rain. _What the hell? The weather on the east coast is always so weird!_

Alfred slipped over the wet soil now and landed in a muddy mess. He tried to get up, but then Alfred felt the bear's paw crushing him back down. _Ow._ He meowed. It wasn't really that painful until the bear started crushing him like a bug. Alfred struggled until he felt pain stinging his shoulder and heard a cracking noise. _That's gonna hurt in the morning…_

The bear continued to crush the poor kitty. Alfred's eyesight was blurred by a mixture of tears, rain, dirt and blood as the bear dug his claws into him. Alfred was just about to black out until he felt the weight of the paw being lifted from him. Alfred moaned. _Oh man, you couldn't just wait until I blacked out to do that? Jeeze, these animals will just torture you nowadays!_

The bear roared in pain before Alfred heard a loud _"THUD!"_ He didn't have the strength to turn around and see what happened, but he could probably guess. _Yes! A savior! I'm saved!_

*MEANWHILE AT THE HOSPITAL*

"Wow, Poland. Just… Wow… What idiot runs into the forest from _cats_ and runs into a bear?" Latvia thought aloud. That earned him a smack in the back of the head from Lithuania… again…

"Apparently him." Sealand commented. That earned him a kick in the shin from the same Lithuanian. "OW! That really hurt…"

"Shut up, you two! Your mouths will get you in trouble someday!" Lithuania hastily whispered back. Estonia stared at the Pole who was moaning in the hospital bed, covered in bandages. Then he grinned like a madman before doing a little dance. "HA! Would you look at this?! Look who's wrapped up in bandages now, sucker! Oh, the _irony_! Hahahaha!"

Poland would've said something in response but his mouth was also covered with bandages. Silly Pole! Tricks are for Americans! Only they can successfully drive away the Russians!

*HERE COME THE MEN IN BLACK~*

Alfred heard the paw steps of his rescuer and tried to keep his eyes open to see who saved him. Then, the one who walked in front of him, soaking wet and muddy, was…

A squirrel?

_Whoa, dude you're the one who saved me from that bear? But… You're a squirrel…_ Alfred mewed weakly in confusion. The squirrel just stared at him like he had three heads before scampering off. Alfred was about to complain about the squirrel's rudeness, but then he saw his real savior.

_Ivan! You-you-_ Ivan put a bloody paw over Alfred's mouth. _Hush, Alfredka. I'm going to take you to this warm fox den that I saw when waking up. We will get out of the rain before aiding you back to health, okay?_

_O-Okay…_

Ivan helped Alfred up to his feet. The American cat had to lean against Ivan's shoulder to even stand up.

_Ivan…_

_Da, Alfred?_

Alfred took off the wet, bloody, muddy scarf and weakly offered it to Ivan. Ivan gratefully took the scarf, chuckling at the American's persistency. _Alfred, did you go through all that to give me my scarf?_

_Y-yeah! I know how much you love that scarf and I'm the hero, so I went to go get it for you. It wasn't hard to find it but…_

_You don't have to finish that sentence, Alfredka. Let me help you. _Ivan scooped Alfred onto his back and carried him off to the den.

*FLUFFY BUNNIES*

As the cats were in the warm and dry den, Ivan was licking Alfred clean of blood. That was pretty much all he could do, being a cat. But it seemed to help Alfred out a lot. The American cat relaxed and snuggled into Ivan's fur. _Hey, Ivan?_

_Da, Alfredka?_

_Thanks, dude._

**Woohoo! I finished it! And it is Thursday so guess what? CHANGE TIME! Man, I'm gonna miss those kitties… But hey, we get something new!**

**Remember when Poland tried to outsmart Russia but only ended up hurting Estonia? That was incredibly ironic. Poland managed to limp to Lithuania's home. Liet was there for some odd reason and put him in the hospital. Wasn't he just at the meeting? Oh well!**

**And I'm sorry, Alfredo! The bear is dead now! Alfred and Ivan: 3 Bear: 0!**

**Well that's all I need to say, so…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	17. I Believe I Can Fly

**Sup, bros how's it going? I have a new chapter! There's going to be a new thing added to each chapter. There is going to be dialogue between England and France. Most of it will be humorous and will explain a few things. It will also remind you guys that France and England started this whole thing! So, without further ado, here's the story!**

**Disclaimer: Did you know that hash browns where invented in Switzerland? Did you know that Coke was accidentally invented? Did you know that I didn't invent Hetalia and barely own anything in this story?**

"_Angleterre, why did you turn them into… those?"_

"_I don't know. I just thought that it would be… creative…"_

"_That is just crazy, mon ami."_

"_I know. Let's just see how this works out. I want to know how these two idiots will handle it…"_

"_But what about the public? They might have an odd reaction to this…"_

"_Who cares? They will have to deal with it or find themselves to be crazy. You know how humans are!"_

"_Remind me why I fell in love with you…"_

**Unknown time, unknown place, Friday**

It felt cold, wet, and soft… Alfred wasn't very sure what he was sleeping on, but it sure was comfortable, despite the temperature and low air pressure.

Alfred felt something feathery brush up against him. At first, he ignored it. But then his eyes fluttered open when the feathery thing did it again. That was when he realized that he was on a cloud. And he was in his regular clothing, including the bomber jacket. Alfred raised his eyebrow. "Am I dreaming?"

"I do not think so, Alfredka." Alfred turned around to glare at the annoying Russian. Even if Ivan did save him from a bear, that didn't change the fact that he still didn't like the Russian all that much. When Alfred turned around to say something, nothing came out of his mouth as soon as he saw the Russian.

Ivan had angel wings and a halo. He was also sparkling for some reason… (The first person to make a Twilight reference gets smacked.) The rest of Ivan looked normal, though and he was in his regular clothes. The wings seemed to just go through the clothing on his back like a ghost. He was lying down on his stomach with his head held up by his arms and his feet in the air. Also, Alfred didn't remember being so attracted to Ivan before… He almost wanted to hug the Ruski… Ugh…

"What's wrong, Alfredka? Do I have something on my face?" Ivan broke Alfred out of his thoughts.

"Oh no, there's nothing wrong with you! There's a little something on your back and above your head, though. You might want to fix that…" Alfred replied sarcastically. Ivan giggled.

"And there's a little something sticking out of your behind, Alfredka."

"What?"

"You have a tail, Alfredka~"

Alfred looked behind himself to actually see a tail. It wasn't just any tail, either. It was a demon tail! Alfred gasped as Ivan giggled again.

"You also have a little something on your back and in your hair~"

First Alfred checked his back to see dragon/demon-like wings that looked pretty flimsy and thin, yet functional. Then Alfred quickly ran his fingers through his hair to feel little horns. Alfred looked like he was about to blow a gasket. He almost did as he roared, "I'M A FREAKING DEMON!"

*WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN*

"I can't believe this. When I find the sick fuck that's doing this to us, I'll rip all his limbs off and feed him to the rats!" Alfred paced back and forth on the cloud. He has been doing that for about a half an hour. Ivan wasn't entirely listening to his rant. He was more worried about how the hell a cloud is carrying two grown men… Pfft! Screw logic.

Alfred suddenly stopped his rant and looked over the edge of the cloud. "Dude, how did we get up here? More importantly, how are we going to get down?"

"I know just about as much about this situation as you do, Alfredka."

"Hmmm… Maybe we flew up! We can probably just fly back down!" Alfred answered both of his questions before jumping off the edge. Alarmed, Ivan tried to catch Alfred before he did something stupid such as jumping off a freaking cloud! Ivan missed by a few centimeters and Alfred fell down to the earth below. Ivan stared at where Alfred had fallen for a moment before sitting back on the cloud in sorrow. "Alfred, you idiot! Why did you do that?" He asked no one. Ivan was almost about to cry before he heard a distant, joyful scream.

"WHOO-HOO! I'M FLYING LIKE A BOSS!" That was definitely Alfred. Ivan looked over the edge to see Alfred flying at top speed back to the cloud. He stopped right in front of Ivan, hovering in the air.

"Come on, dude, you gotta try this! It's fun!" Alfred did a backflip in mid-air and laughed encouragingly. Ivan switched his gaze from Alfred to the ground below and back before backing up a little bit in the cloud.

"Nyet, I will not do that! I could fall and break my back. I have learned that lesson the hard way before…"

Alfred rolled his eyes. "You mean when you jumped out of that plane yelling 'VODKAAAAAA' like a maniac? Dude, you have wings now! You can fly! Come on, buddy just try it! There's no other way down!"

"I could always wait for an airplane to pass by."

"And how long until that happens? It could be weeks, months, even years! This is the quickest way down!" True that, Alfred. The American then grabbed Ivan's arm and started tugging at it. Ivan resisted as hard as he could, using the cloud for friction of his feet. Sadly for him, the cloud wasn't very useful for that being made of water particles. Not only that, but Ivan was resisting from a guy who swung buffalo around as a child. Ivan panicked and hugged Alfred tightly when he was in the air and off of the cloud, shaking like a Chihuahua. Alfred sighed.

"Let go of me, Ivan."

"Nyet."

"I'm gonna push you away if you don't let go!"

"No you wouldn't…" Ivan sounded a bit unsure of this. Alfred tried to push him off but Ivan held on tighter.

"Fine then. I guess we have to do this this the hard way." Alfred stopped flapping his wings and both of them started falling down to the earth. Ivan panicked again. "Alfred what do you think you're doing? Fly!"

Alfred simply grinned. "No."

Ivan stared at the ground that was getting closer and his bottom lip trembled. It wasn't usually in his character to panic, but all that was going through his mind was_ Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit!_

As they almost reached the ground, Ivan squeezed his eyes shut and spread his wings at the last second and…

They were up in the air again! Alfred pried himself away from the Russian and smirked when Ivan put him back into his death hug. Well it was a hug to save him from death, but it was also making Alfred suffocate. So does that still make it a death hug if it's supposed to save lives? Why am I pushing the subject? Why am I asking so many questions? I'll just shut up now.

"Ivan." Said Russian didn't respond. Alfred tried again. "Ivan!" All he got in response this time was a little whimper. Alfred sighed and took a deep breath in before roaring. "IVAN!"

"D-Da?"

"You're flying."

Ivan saw that his wings were flapping and they were hovering in the air. "Oh…" Alfred led him down to the ground to see that they were in front of a McDonalds. His stomach gave him a demanding growl.

"Hey Ivan, you up for some Mickey-D's?"

"I don't really prefer-" Before Ivan could finish his sentence, Alfred dragged him into the building. He made a beeline for the front counter to order.

"Hello, welcome to McDonalds! How may I help- What the?!" The cashier woman looked incredibly amazed at the large, feathery white wings of Ivan and the thin, flimsy, but tough red wings of Alfred.

"I will take a Big Mac and a large order of fries!" Alfred continued nonchalantly. "Oh yeah, and a strawberry lemonade thingy! Ivan what do you want?"

"I'm not very hungry…" Ivan mumbled, folding his wings a bit. Alfred laughed. "And the big guy here will take a cheeseburger!"

"But I said I wasn't-" Alfred gave him a look that said "You're getting a cheeseburger and you're gonna like it." Ivan decided to not protest at all. He wasn't in the mood for fighting.

They very confused cashier absent mindedly pushed the buttons on the cash register and told them the price in a dazed tone. Alfred took Ivan's wallet out of his pocket and gave the cashier the money. It took Ivan a couple of seconds to realize that Alfred just made him pay for the meal.

*BECOME ONE WITH CHINA, ARU?*

"I bet I can beat you to your house!" Alfred said as he casually flew backwards as if he were a professional flyer. "Which one?" Ivan asked. "The one in Russia? We are in Washington DC. That would take a long time…"

By the time Ivan finished that sentence, Alfred was already out of sight. Taking this as a challenge, Ivan followed. _Fine, I will play your little game._

As Alfred was flying at a supersonic speed He saw Ivan catching up to him. He picked up his pace. "So you are gonna race, huh?" He yelled. Ivan nodded.

"Da. And I'm going to win." He flew ahead of Alfred, who simply caught up to him. "Yeah, right! Eat my dust! I mean… AIR!" Alfred then flew ahead of him. It wasn't long until they were neck-and-neck again.

*A FEW HOURS LATER*

It didn't take long before they found themselves in the colder climate of Russia. Both of them were tireless, able to make it to Russia's home with plenty of energy left. And that's just what they did.

As they neared the large one-story house, they both picked up their speed. If they were going any faster, they'd cause a sonic boom…

Sadly, they made a different kind of boom as they crashed into the snowy ground in front of the house. Alfred was the first to poke his head out of the snow before Ivan did.

"Dude, I totally kicked your ass!"

"Nyet, I believe that I was the one who made it first."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Uh-huh!"

The two of them continued to argue; unaware of the being that had more demon in them than Alfred. They both froze when they heard her sickly sweet voice.

"There you are Big Brother…"

**Oh shiz! Not Belarus! Let's see how this plays out… So what do you think of Demon!Alfred and Angel!Ivan? I thought it would've been cool and something you guys would never guess to happen next! And we still didn't get an answer as to how Alfred and Ivan got up on that cloud, cause they sure didn't fly up there!**

**On a side note, my cat, Pepper was taken to the vet and the doctors kept calling him a girl. We already covered the fact that he was all boy! What the hell, doctors?! I'm the only one who calls Pepper a guy! -.-**

**That's all for now, folks!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	18. Belarus' Return

**Oh goodness, school's tomorrow for me… That means updates will be coming later. But trust me I'll try to make updates as soon as possible. So enjoy this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: I like chicken but I don't own Hetalia.**

**Moscow, Russia, some time that I don't feel like putting down**

"_Oh bullocks, it's Belarus. I didn't see this coming…"_

"_What's wrong with that? They can handle it, oui?"_

"_That's where you're wrong, love. You see, I gave Ivan a little 'attractiveness boost'…"_

"_So that means she'll want him more?"_

"_Yes, Frog."_

"_Remind me once more why the hell I love you?"_

"_Isn't it obvious? It's because of my devilishly good looks and amazing cooking!"_

"…_."_

"_Why are you looking at me like that, Frog?"_

"Oh hi there, Belarus! What brings you here?" Alfred said in a cheery voice. Ivan smacked him in the back of the head, as Lithuania does Latvia. "Shut up, Alfred!"

"Big Brother does, of course, Capitalist Pig." When Belarus did this, she held a knife up to Alfred's neck, whose tail twitched wildly. "Dude, my demon-detector is off the charts! You're like, pure devil, girl!"

Belarus narrowed her eyes at him. "The only demon here is you, Pig! Don't you dare try to take my brother away from me!"

"Why would I? He's a commie bastard! I have no feelings for him at _all_!" Ivan felt this terrible lump in his stomach when Alfred said that.

"Well then that's okay. But stay away from him. Understood?" Belarus deepened the knife into Alfred's throat. "I understand you perfectly!" he replied hoarsely. Belarus chuckled and retracted the knife. "Good. Now Big Brother, I cleaned your house for you and- Hey where did you go?"

Both of them looked around to see that Ivan was missing. Oh that was slick, Ivan.

*WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE*

As Alfred and Natalia were searching for him, Ivan was hiding up in the tree that sat in front of his house. Ivan let out a sigh of relief before turning around to relax on the branch. Well, he was gonna relax but then he saw the happy face of Alfred poking out of the leaves in front of him.

"Hi Ivan!"

Ivan screamed and fell backwards out of the tree, landing in the not-so-soft snow. This, of course, caught Natalia's attention. "Big Brother, what are you doing?"

"Lying down in the snow in pain." He mumbled. Alfred flew down next to Ivan.

"Dude, are you okay? Those trees really don't like you, do they?" Ivan decided that he wouldn't tell Alfred that he was the main cause of his injuries.

*HAVE YOU NOTICED HOW I ALWAYS SAY SOMETHING DIFFERENT ON THESE?*

After an incredibly long conversation, Alfred and Ivan convinced Natalia to go see other people and stop trying to marry her brother. She surprisingly took it lightly and just walked out the door. She was probably planning on crying for the next few weeks before just getting over it, but hey, at least she's not bothering them anymore!

Besides, Ivan told his sister that he liked Alfred while the American wasn't paying attention. As long as Ivan was happy, she was happy.

"So Ivan, am I sleeping at your place tonight?" Alfred asked, hanging up-side-down from the tree branch. Ivan smiled. "If you want to. But you must sleep in the guest room."

Alfred's jaw dropped. Or maybe it went up since he was hanging up-side-down... "You mean in the creepy guest room, all alone, in you r creepy-ass house?"

"Da, I do."

"Why can't I sleep in your room? Not even on the floor?"

"Nyet, I do not want you in my room." This was gonna be total pay-back for the injuries. Not to mention the fact that Alfred hurt his feelings. _I'm going to make him pay for not loving me back._

_Ivan, don't do that. You should never punish one for not loving you. Forced relationships are the worst ones._ Another voice in Ivan's head said. The Russian paid no mind to it. The voice's last words were:

_No, Ivan, you're becoming crazy again! Stop this before it's too late!_

Once again, Ivan paid no attention to it and left Alfred to himself in the trees.

*WQG GWGDWJHBTHG OH SORRY THERE WAS A SPIDER ON THE KEYBOARD*

**Russia's house, midnight**

Alfred's eyes flicked back and forth at every noise he heard as he gripped the bed sheets tightly. "Why the guest room of all places? This place looks like it hadn't been visited in years!" He shut his mouth and froze when he heard a little skittering noise. When it stopped, he relaxed a little and closed his eyes.

And then he felt something on his face. Opening his eyes, he saw a spider right over his nose.

That was when he let out a scream that would've made the little girls in a horror movie jealous. Then he smacked the spider away and flew out of the room, not even bothering to open the door as he crashed right through it and flew into the wall. He kept on going despite this. Zipping down the hallway, he stopped at Ivan's door and started banging on it.

"Ivan, please let me in! Let me in! Let me in!" Said Russian opened the door and dodged Alfred's still banging fist. "What do you want, Alfredka-" Alfred hugged Ivan and started crying. "Please let me sleep in your room!"

Ivan didn't know that Alfred would get that scared. He thought the American would at least last a few more minutes. Well, it looks like he lost the bet. He owes Gilbert twenty dollars…

"Fine, Alfred, you may come in. But may I ask what it was that scared you so much?"

"It was that stupid commie spider that's in your guest room! Ah! There it is!" Alfred jumped into Ivan's arms as the little spider he ran into skittered up to him with eight beady eyes that glowed in the dark. Alfred shivered and dug his face into Ivan's chest. The Russian angel sighed and stepped on the little thing. Somewhere out there, Greg felt a disturbance.

Ivan took the other to the bed and got in himself. "Alfredka, there are a few rules to sleeping with- Alfredka?" Alfred was already sleeping. He wrapped his arms around Ivan and snuggled up against him. Ivan sighed but he couldn't help but chuckle.

_Why is he so cute when he's not talking?_

**This is a short chapter due to school, a birthday, and other things such as a cat that somehow locked himself in a closet. So yeah…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	19. Belarus' Second Return!

**I AM BACK! School is… interesting. I'm back at my school from last and all the nice teachers quit! Two of my best friends went off to other schools and block schedules are confusing! Oh well…**

**My cat Pepper keeps walking all over me and the computer right now… He seems to really like my hair…**

**This chapter is a bit angsty, and I may or may have not lied about Belarus…**

**I never lie. /scratched by Pepper**

**Okay, so let's begin!**

**Disclaimer: I'll give you a cookie if you don't sue me! **

"_Francis, I got the weirdest request from Poland for what we should turn them into next…"_

"_Well, then if it's Poland, it has to be interesting. What the-?"_

"_Exactly. I don't get it either… Well, Poles will be Poles."_

"_Oui, I guess so…"_

**Moscow, Russia, a park at 6:30 am**

Alfred sat there at the park bench to think about things that he pushed to the back of his mind and forgot. This was a rare occasion for him, but there were a lot of things going on in that gushy thing in his cranium.

_What did Ivan mean by 'ya lublu tabya?_ (Or ya lyublyu tabya or whatever…)_' I really need to brush upon my Russian… I know the majority of the language but I just can't figure out that sentence…_

Yep, Alfred was just sitting there, thinking, all alone.

"Hello pig- I mean- Alfred!" So much for being alone... Alfred turned around to see none other than Natalia.

"Oh hey, Bella! What's up?" Alfred forced a smile on his lips. He wasn't really a morning person, so he wasn't all that happy about chatting at the moment.

Natalia twirled Nantucket around her index finger. "Remember when you guys told me to see other people besides Big Brother? Well that other person is you!"

Alfred didn't like where this was going. "Um… Well, I'm sorry but I'm not interested. And please don't play with that strand of hair. It's very… special." Natalia didn't listen.

"Maybe we could go get some breakfast, hmm?" She said this in a seductive tone. Alfred tried to refrain himself from getting turned on. Natalia wasn't making that very easy. As much as Alfred didn't want to date her, he never turned down a free meal…

"Okay, I'll go with you. But this is not a date, okay?"

"Okay!"

*VODKAAAAAAA~*

Ivan woke up when he found out that he was much colder than when he went to sleep. The space next to him was empty. "Where did Alfred go?" he thought aloud before getting up out of his bed.

He searched up and down the house for the little American demon to find nothing. He looked in the kitchen, the bathroom, the guest room, the backyard, the closets, the refrigerator, and even under the couch. Nothing.

When he got outside, he assumed that Alfred was doing something stupid in the city, and Ivan was off.

*OMNOMNOMNOM*

"So, how is the food?" Natalia asked with a strained smile on her lips.

"This is great!" Alfred shouted with his mouth full. That earned him a few dirty looks from the Russians at the other table. They were ignored as Alfred continued to stuff as many pancakes as possible in his mouth. Natalia looked like she was trying to hold back from rolling her eyes.

"Right… So, Alfred, I was wondering if we could go sight-seeing for a while."

Alfred's eyes lit up. "That would be AWESOME!" America was a total tourist. He would never say no to sight-seeing. In fact, he always goes with Japan to sight-see and he has a wonderful time. No matter how undesirable the host is, Alfred would always go with them.

"Well then, let's go! I know many places where we could go in my Big Brother's wonderful country!" the Belarusian then grabbed Alfred's arm, left the money and ran out of the restaurant.

**10:00 am, Moscow, Russia**

After a bit of sight-seeing, they made it to that… building, you know, the one with the swirly top thingies. Natalia saw her brother flying above and cupped her hands over Alfred's cheeks.

"I had a lot of fun this morning, Alfredka." She said. Alfred was greatly confused. "Y-Yeah, I had fun too! Is it over?" _Isn't that the nickname Ivan gives me?_ was what he really wanted to say.

"Almost…" Natalia then deeply kissed the stunned American. Alfred was going to push her away and yell at her, but she wrapped her arms around his neck to deepen the kiss even more. Alfred finally just relaxed into it when Natalia stroked Nantucket. They stood there like that until they heard a familiar Russian voice.

"What in the heavens are you doing?!" Ivan landed from flight and glared at his sister, who had broken the kiss. Alfred was still dazed and confused, processing what was happening. Unfortunately, he was hit in the head with the handle of a knife. Natalia grinned when he passed out unconscious.

"Well, isn't it obvious as to what I am doing?"

"You have stooped to a level that was too low for even you, sister." Ivan didn't even look angry anymore. He was just hurt, hurt that his own little sister would take his love.

"You told me to see other people!"

"I meant other people besides us! You knew that, too!"

"Why won't you just marry me and everything will be happy again?"

"Why have I not put you in a mental facility yet?" When Ivan said that, it started pouring down rain. "What the heck?!" he shouted in his native tongue. Natalia didn't seem to mind the rain.

"You probably didn't put me in because you love me, da?"

"I'm about to… And yes, I do love you! But only as a sister! There is a boundary between family love and romantic love. And you passed that boundary!"

"I don't want to just be siblings!"

"Well I do! If you really wanted to make me fall for you, you shouldn't try to steal the one that you know I have feelings for!"

When Ivan said that, a nearby American tourist put a hand up to his mouth and widened his eyes. "Ohhhhhhhhhh…" he said. The tourist was ignored, of course.

Lightning flashed and thunder crashed, drowning out whatever Natalia was going to shout back. Ivan didn't even want to hear it. He flew over and picked up the unconscious demon off the ground. Glaring at his sister, he flew off into the storm. Natalia shouted something that sounded like a warning, but he didn't listen. Instead, he flew even higher and faster until it happened.

A streak of lightning shocked Ivan and Alfred, and the two of them plummeted back down onto the ground.

**CLIFFHANGER!**

**Please don't shoot me… I feel terrible for making this chapter, but I feel like this story needs some more plot. Things are not always rainbows and sunshine, you know? There are times when you just wanna watch the bunny rabbit burn…**

**I'm sorry that was not appropriate at all…**

**Well, tune in next time for a hopefully much happier and funnier chapter!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	20. Fluffy Bunnies! Literally

**Has anyone noticed that the song "Panda Hero" sounds like an AmeChu song?**

**Guess what? I got a new chapter for you! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Ugh… I really want to own some ice cream at the moment…**

"_Angleterre, can you do something to stop Belarus from interfering?"_

"_Well, yes, I have many ways, but I can't hurt or kill her directly. It's against the laws of magic."_

_*le demon flames* "GET RID OF HER NOW. NO ONE INTERFERES WITH L'AMOUR."_

"_Okay, okay, I'll manage something! Just please… Don't do that!"_

_*le normal again* "Yay~"_

"_What the bloody h-e-double hockey sticks just happened?"_

**Monday, Moscow, Russia, unknown time**

Alfred slowly rose up to his feet to find that he was still in a field in Moscow. It seems that no one really cared about an angel and a demon passed out on the ground…

He looked around to see no one around. Then he realized that he was covered in ashes and his hair and wings were singed. He turned to the passed out Russian next to him. Kneeling down, Alfred gave Ivan a concerned look. He then tickled the Russian to see if he was awake. At first, Ivan had no reaction.

But then…

Ivan smiled a little bit. Then he grinned, then giggled, then chuckled, then laughed before rolling around, trying to stop Alfred with no avail.

"Alfredka, stop that!" Alfredka didn't stop.

That is, until Ivan punched him in the face.

"Ah! You stupid commie son of a barrel!" Alfred held his nose and screamed. Ivan put a hand on his shoulder.

"Alfredka, I'm very sorry! I didn't mean to…" Ivan would've finished that sentence if he didn't feel something scaly wrapping around his ankle. Before he could process the fact that it was Alfred's tail, he felt himself being flipped over. Landing hard in the frosty grass, Ivan clenched his teeth and sighed.

"So it's a fight you want, huh?"

"Bring it commie!" Alfred grinned. "I haven't had a good fight in a while!"

*I LIKE CATS WHO LIKE PICKLES*

Belarus waited at China's door after she rang the doorbell.

"If I am correct, China has the perfect potion to make Big Brother fall for me!" Belarus grinned wildly before she suddenly felt some surge of power that seemed magical inside her. She turned around to see that she had a bunny tail. She raised her eyebrows in confusion.

_What the hell?_ She meant to say that out loud. But nothing came out of her mouth. She soon realized that her hearing and smelling improved, she was covered in grey fur, and she grew bunny ears. Belarus then shrunk in size and she was soon a bunny rabbit. Her clothes disappeared somewhere…

The door opened and Belarus' eyes widened to the point where she looked like a deer in the headlights. China looked around to see no one. Then he looked down to see the bunny.

At first, China stared at her and blinked. Then he squealed.

"YOU'RE SO KAWAII, ARU!" He picked her up and put her in a death hug. Belarus desperately tried to get out of his grip with no avail. China brought her inside.

"Hong Kong, look what I found, aru!"

*THE PANDAS. THEY PWN YOU'RE ASS*

**Tuesday, some field in Kansas**

Alfred and Ivan were flying back to Washington DC and found themselves above Kansan grounds. The flight was going smoothly until a bird was flying directly in front of Alfred. Both the American and the bird widened their eyes in alarm. Alfred moved to the side to avoid the bird, but he unfortunately hit Ivan in the process. And then they went low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low! I know I should be shot for that song reference.

The bird, feeling extremely guilty, dove down and reached the ground before the angel and demon. It then lifted its wings in attempt to save the two. The sad thing was that this poor bird didn't understand the laws of physics…

Alfred and Ivan crushed the poor thing under their weight. Alfred heard the small squishing noise and immediately pushed Ivan off of him. He turned to see the gushy, bloody, feathery mess that just lay there, not moving. Alfred burst out in tears.

"NO! BIRDIE WHY DID YOU DO IT?! WHY?!" Ivan gave the dead bird a concerned as well as disgusted look as Alfred bawled on. The American dug a small hole and put what was left of the small bird inside it.

"Alfredka, what are you doing?" Ivan asked out of sheer curiosity. Alfred just looked at him.

"What does it look like I'm doing?"

"It looks like you're burying the remains of a dead bird."

"I'm holding a miniature funeral for it!"

"Alfred…"

"He was a brave soldier. He risked his life to break our fall! Birdie will always be remembered…"

"Alfred stop being ridiculous."

"Shut up! Birdie was special!"

"Alfred, how would you feel about ice cream later? Will it make you shut up?"

"Dude, I'm so in for ice cream!" The bird was forgotten at the moment, but don't worry. He will always be in our memories.

**Wednesday, Junction City, Kansas, Baskin Robbins**

Alfred happily licked at his Superman flavor ice cream while Ivan slowly did the same with his vanilla cone. Alfred took a daring bite out of his ice cream and quickly swallowed. Ivan counted down in his head as Alfred's face was turning a shade of blue.

_3…. 2… 1…_

"BRAINFREEZE! OW! OW! OW! OW! Ahhhh…." Alfred relaxed when the brain-freeze was over. Ivan nearly choked on his ice cream laughing. Then he thought about why all the others are annoyed by this guy. He was amusing!

Everyone always sees the bad traits of America: loud, obnoxious, insensitive, gluttonous, oblivious, immature, a little perverted, jumpy, and so many other things. The list could go on forever.

But only a select few saw his good traits. They saw that he could be quiet and serious when he wanted to. Alfred does have a sensitive side. He may eat way too much, but he never gains weight. His obliviousness is something that Ivan found a little cute. It made Ivan think of pure innocence, something he always longed for. The same goes for Alfred's childish immaturity. And every one of the nations is perverted in some way. Ivan once walked in on Germany watching his… special movies. Alfred's jumpiness and jittery attitude is another thing that Ivan found adorable. Alfred was just a big bundle of energy. Another good trait was his strength and bravery. Even though he may be afraid of ghosts and spiders and monsters, he was one of the few who would stand up to Russia and willingly shoot him in the face. It happened before…

Ah, good times…

Alfred finished his ice cream and licked his lips. Ivan put his hand over Alfred's after a little debate. The American looked at him weirdly.

"Um… What is it, Ivanski?"

_Oh nothing… I just wanted to say that I have an undying love for you and I'd do anything to make you happy._

"I just wanted tell you… You have some ice cream in your hair!"

"Really? I do?"

"Da, you do."

Alfred ran his hand through his hair and over his horns to find that ice cream actually was in there. "Oh, hey, how did that get there? Thanks bro!"

"Y-You're welcome…"

*POKEMON! GOTTA BUY 'EM ALL!*

As they flew on, Alfred spotted a sea of yellow below. It took him a couple of seconds to realize that it was a sunflower field. Ivan was passing by in flight but then Alfred wrapped his tail around Ivan's waist and pulled him back before pointing to the field. Ivan's eyes widened in delight at the sight.

"Oh my goodness, a sunflower field!"

"That's right Vanya, a sunflower field."

"Wait a minute. What did you just call me?"

Ivan wasn't answered as the other flew down to play in the field. Ivan followed behind.

Later on, they decided to stay there for the night.

**Thursday night, Washington DC, America's living room**

"I won again, Alfredka~" Ivan smirked when the American glared at him. "Whatever! This is a stupid commie game anyways!"

Ivan just laughed. The American was just so cute! Speaking of which…

_Ivan, this is now or never. It's Thursday so who knows what will happen tomorrow?_

_I don't know…. I don't think he'll like me back._

_And that's the worst that could happen, Vanya. He just says 'no'._

And that little voice in his head was right. When a new game was loading, Ivan found this to be the perfect time. Taking Alfred's hand in his own, he said:

"Alfredka?"

"What is it, broski?"

"Alfredka, I love you!" Ivan gave Alfred a look of hope. Hope that things won't be awkward after this.

"I know." Alfred said with a grin on his face. Ivan blinked. Then he blinked again. Then he just stared at the American, his mind totally blank. Alfred's grin grew wider.

"Dude, Ivan, remember when we would speak telepathically? At the ice cream shop, I heard everything that you thought before telling me about the ice cream that somehow got in my hair. Then, when Belarus hit me in the head with her knife, I suddenly remembered what 'Ya lyublyu tabya' meant! I'm smarter than you think bro."

"Well why didn't you tell me earlier?" Ivan got a little red with embarrassment and anger.

"I wanted to see how long it would take for you to get the balls to say it out loud in English!" Alfred smiled when Ivan narrowed his eyes at him.

"That wasn't funny, Alfred."

"It was to me!"

Ivan just gave up on this confusing American. And then another question came across his mind.

"Alfredka, do you feel the same way?"

Alfred just sat there for a moment in a thinking position. "Hmmm… No."

That was it. He just said 'no'. Just like Ivan's mind said he would. That was the worst that could happen. And it happened. Ivan's wings slumped with his shoulders and his head hung low. His heart just stopped beating and his spirit was low.

"I understand if you don't like me… I'll just excuse myself…" Ivan started for the door.

And then he was tackled to the ground by Alfred.

"Where do you think you're going?!"

"I'm just leaving to make things less awkward. You don't love me, correct?"

"No, you lumbering idiot! Of course I love you! If I didn't, you wouldn't even be allowed near me after what we've been through!"

Ivan's eyes lit up. "Are you serious? Or is this a joke?" He got his answer when Alfred pulled him into a kiss.

They stayed like that until they ran out of breath. Then, after a moment of silence, Alfred said, "So, how about a horror game next? Tetris is boring now."

"You mean a horror game that I will crush you in?"

"Oh it's on, commie!"

So after that moment of a silent "How about we go to the movies after this mess is over," they played a competitive horror game.

Ah, love… Isn't it beautiful?

*I'M PUMPED! YEAH! I'M PUMPED!*

Meanwhile, Belarus was trying to rip off the pretty pink bow from around her furry neck. When China turned to face her, she got back down on all fours and innocently smiled. She continued when China turned his back on her.

"Ah, bunny, you are so cute! But I don't want you to be alone when I can't be with you. So meet Panda!"

Just then, a panda bear hopped up on the table next to Belarus. It made a weird panda bear noise out of the back of its throat. When China wasn't looking, the bear flared its nostrils and gnashed its teeth at the bunny rabbit. It lifted a paw and showed its claws, looking ready to slice the bunny to bits. Belarus' eyes would've made the deer in the headlights jealous.

_Aw, fuck._

**So, what have I accomplished from making this chapter?**

**I got rid of Belarus.**

**They admitted their undying love to each other. (FINALLY!)**

**I made a fluffy chapter as promised!**

**I got my ice cream!**

**Yep, I've accomplished a lot! And this isn't over, yet! We still have Poland's suggestion and two more surprises!**


	21. My Little Countries

**Hey guys, what's up? Boy do I have the rant for you…**

**Okay, first of all, I'm gonna tell you about how much of a derp I am. I just realized that I got over 100 reviews. YAY~**

**Now I was going to do something special for that but it's too late, now. Unless I miraculously get 200 reviews, I won't do anything. But there will be a very special surprise after this transformation.**

**I know I got a request for Spain to make an appearance (you know who you are). That's gonna be hard… But I'll try!**

**About school… I'm already getting that feeling where you're like, "Ugh… I don't wanna gooooo!" Anybody feeling the same way? I mean, I would've updated sooner if I hadn't gotten a butt load of geometry homework!**

**Okay, back to the review thing. I'd like to thank all of you reviewers, guests, readers, and those who even bothered to look at this story! It really helps me out!**

**So, enough of my ranting. Now that wasn't so bad, right?**

**On to the story-mobile!**

**Disclaimer: I already clarified that I own nothing, so I'm just gonna say that my stuffed leopard is named Zebra. Thank you for not suing me.**

**Oh yeah, and if you can guess exactly how many times Poland says "like" and "totally" in this chapter first gets a one-shot!**

_*le tears of joy* "Angleterre, it makes me tres heureux that they had finally admitted their love to each other!" __**(Tres heureux- French for "very pleased" I know there is supposed to be a ` mark over the e in tres but I have no idea how to type that in…)**_

"_Yeah, I guess we did a good job! But we still have to do Poland's suggestion. We also have one from Japan…"_

"_We can still do that! In fact, we can teleport Poland to their house!"_

"_How did you know that?"_

"…"

"_Francis…"_

"_Oh! Would you look at the time?" *le dash*_

"_FRANCIS GET BACK HERE AND GIVE ME MY SPELL BOOK!"_

**Friday, 11:00 am, America's house**

Alfred didn't even bother freaking out when he saw the reflection of a blue Pegasus with his eyes and his hair as a mane in the bathroom mirror. He didn't freak out over the cheeseburger on his flank. He didn't even freak out over the red, white, and blue striped tail he had. He simply dealt with it and decided to wake up the grey pony with a pipe and a vodka bottle on his flank. Ivan reluctantly woke up but didn't freak out from being a pony. He was more curious as to what the heck he was.

"Dude, we're ponies! You know, from the show "My Little Pony"?" Alfred waved his hoof-thingies in the air as if they were arms. Ivan just stared at him.

"Forget it. C'mon let's go downstairs." And so they went.

Ivan narrowed his eyes when he overheard a familiar voice.

"And then she was like, 'Oh no you didn't!' And I was like, 'Oh yes I like, totally did!'"

Alfred and Ivan noticed he was wearing a sling on his arm. It must've been from that bear attack. Ivan chuckled, remembering when he threw that rock at the bear's head and tackled it down. (Just in case you were wondering how he killed it)

Poland didn't notice the ponies walking into the room. Nor did he notice the racket that was being made in the kitchen. He didn't even notice the ponies walk into the room with bowls of cereal. In fact, it wasn't until Alfred shouted, "What the hell are you doing in my house?!" that he acknowledged them.

"Oh, hi there! I like, totally didn't see you guys there!"

"Answer the question, Polshka." Ivan faked a smile as Poland glared at him. Particularly his scarf. The thing looked so sad and pathetic. It was ripped and torn from the things they had been through. It lost all its color and just looked like a shade of off-white. The edges were singed from the lightning and you could barely see the knitting at the end of it: To Vanya with love, Katya.

Poland wondered why he wanted that scarf in the first place. Maybe it was to spite Russia. He didn't remember it looking that bad…

"Um… I have like, no idea. I just came here and I was all like, 'What the like, actual fuck?" Poland said back, staring at Alfred. The American pony shook his head.

"Well, I would appreciate it if you got out of my house." Alfred was seriously trying to stay calm and composed. Ivan didn't even bother doing so.

"You'd better get out before you lose all your limbs, da?"

"Like, no way! I'm totally staying!" Poland hopped up on Ivan's back. "Like, giddy up, horsy!"

That was the last straw. Ivan bucked Poland off, sending him flying into the wall. Alfred dashed up to the pile of rubble that the others caused. Flying over it, he put his front hooves on his head in panic.

"Oh no! My wall! That's gonna cost a fortune to repair! Poland, why did you do that? You're such an idiot!"

"That was like, totally not cool! I like, crashing this party!" And then he was gone.

"Thank God he's gone!" Alfred said. He turned to Ivan, who had eaten the rest of the cereal. He smiled innocently.

"Come on, dude! That's not cool! Why did you eat all my cereal?!"

Ivan shrugged and Alfred sighed. "I'm going to get an egg McMuffin! Come along!"

*BAD BOYS BAD BOYS, WHAT'YA GONNA DO?*

Ivan stood in front of McDonald's, dozing off a bit. Suddenly, two random Americans came up to him.

"Hey look! McDonalds put in a new kiddie ride!" The first guy said. The second guy nodded and elbowed him. "Why don't you try it out?"

"Sure! Wait, I can't find the coin slot! Oh, here it is!"

Both Ivan and the American widened their eyes as the other put the coin in the-ahem- "slot". Ivan then donkey-kicked the poor guy and sent him flying. The second guy watched the other guy land in a gas station on one of the machines, blowing him up as well as the rest of the station.

"Holy mother of pepperoni…" The guy that was still alive said. All the surrounding people started gasping and calling 911 at the sight. Police, ambulances, and the paparazzi were there in seconds.

Spain walked out of a nearby Wal-Mart holding a bag of tomatoes. When he saw the explosion, he dropped his tomatoes.

"Aye caramba, senioritas everywhere…"

*iNSaNiTY*

"Hey what did I miss?" Alfred trotted out of the McDonalds with a to-go bag between his teeth. Ivan looked at him like he was crazy.

"You didn't hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"The explosion. There was an explosion…"

"There was?!" Sweet! Where is it?!"

Ivan pointed a hoof towards the demolished gas station with police and paramedics surrounding it. Alfred widened his eyes. "Oh… When did that happen?!"

"When you were gone… What took you so long in the first place?!" Ivan asked rather irritably. Alfred shrugged. "That stupid bitch at the cash register wouldn't take my order because I was a pony! We went into an argument until this Brony came along and took my order! He was all like, 'OMG A PONY MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?!' and I was all like, 'OMG YOU'RE A BRONY? BROHOOF, DUDE!' And then we bro-hoofed like bosses and I got my egg McMuffin!"

Ivan face-hoofed.

**I know, this is a short chapter. And Spain will make another appearance, I promise! I just had to introduce My Little Ponies and make a SpongeBob reference. So, with all these references in order, I'll see you next time!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	22. Is it Over?

**Hi! You know, I could give you a whole speech about why I was dead. Or I could just give you a chapter. I like that second idea!**

**On a side note, I went to an ice-skating party! It was my friend's birthday. Oh man I suck at it… How is it that I have no problem with rollerblading but ice skating is just so friggin' difficult? I kept on doing a split and falling on my stomach… But there was this one time when I stylishly landed! However, now my legs hurt like hell…**

**There is a bunch of random events going on throughout this day. I will make more sense later. It's just that I'm totally brain dead and I want to show you all that I'm not dead!**

**Why am I ranting?**

**Disclaimer: Hey guess what? Today I saw the movie Freaky Friday. I just realized how far apart this is from that…**

"_France, you idiot! Why did you do that?"_

"_I just thought they needed a little break…"_

"_Do you realize that we'd have to start all over again if we do that?"_

"_Oh… Oops…"_

**Friday, Washington DC, America's house**

"Holy mother of the freakin' chicken nugget empire! I'm back to normal!" America did a little dance in the bathroom after seeing his own, normal reflection in the mirror. He dashed out of the building and jumped on the bed where Russia was sleeping.

"Ivan! Hey Ivan! Wake up! Dude we're back to normal!" America hopped up and down on poor Russia's stomach. The Russian was already awake, but he was now bleeding out of his mouth. America stopped jumping and gave Russia that 1000 watt grin. The Russian smiled weakly.

"Da, I know… Please get off of me." America obliged and his grin reduced to a smile. "Oh, sorry bro. But we're back, buddy!" America then put his buddy in a death hug. "This is so totally awesome! When I find the guy that turned us back to normal I'm totally tackle-hugging him!" Russia coughed.

"Alfredka, I think the same person who did all those other things to us is the same one who turned us back to normal…"

"Well then, shut up."

Ivan decided not to push the subject.

*KILL ME? OVER MY DEAD BODY!*

"_They will pay… I will get my vengeance!"_ Belarus mapped out a plan of vengeance in her mashed up carrots. Getting angry, she flipped over her food bowl. _"Useless! I need a new plan…" _Belarus noticed China looking away and talking to Hong Kong. Then she stared at an open window.

"_Perfect…"_ she took a kitchen knife with her and hopped up on the windowsill and leaped to the ground. She continued her journey down the street to escape this cursed place. Running at top speed, she tried to find a way to an airport and hopefully hitch a ride to America. Possibly even Washington DC…

She knew this would be long, uncomfortable ride. If she even makes it, of course. Then a supposedly American man dressed up in a suit speed-walked by, yelling into a phone.

"I promise I will be there! Yes, I'm still in China! Well tell her that she is going to have to wait because it takes a long time to get to Washington from here! What was that? No, you shut up! I told you to shut up! Okay I love you, bye Mom." The man hung up the phone and continued to speed by. Belarus grinned. _"Yes, this guy is definitely headed for America…"_

She followed behind him for a while until the man stopped to talk to another person in Mandarin. Wow, he's bilingual too! It looked like he was getting directions. Most likely to the airport…

When she got the chance, Belarus opened the man's suitcase and slid inside before zipping it up. She created some air holes by stabbing the bag.

"_Here I come Big Brother…"_

*PARTY ROCK IS IN THE HOUSE TONIGHT!*

Last week was very uneventful. Well, if you take out the part where they were being chased around by Bronies…

America was playing Call of Duty with Mr. Cuddles while Russia sat down on the living room sofa and watched. Well, he wasn't really watching, but he was thinking about all they have been through. He kept on trying to find a catch. He tried to find the one supernatural thing about them. That one thing that changed… He couldn't find a thing. They were normal! Honest to goodness normal! This was wonderful!

"Die you foul being! Boom! Shakalaka! I win!" America slammed the controller on the ground and fist pumped. Mr. Cuddles scowled and crossed his front legs. "Meow…"

"Whatever! Your snarky comments change nothing!" America turned away and crossed his arms. Russia smiled and shook his head. Things like this made him wonder why he fell in love with the idiot.

Suddenly, the ice cream truck passed by. Both America and Mr. Cuddles grinned and dashed out the door, chasing the machine. Russia followed and smiled when he saw America grab the bumper of the truck, stopping it immediately. A bunch of kids who were also chasing the truck gawked at the sight.

"Where do you think you're going? Give me ice cream!" America pulled the truck backwards and went up to the driver. The man driving the truck looked stunned.

"How did you…?"

"Just give me some ice cream! These other kids have been chasing you down the block! Have you not noticed?" he took out some money. "I would like this one, and that one, and that other one for my friend!" the other kids crowded around to give out their orders before thanking America and asking him how he had stopped the truck. America smiled in response, not giving an answer.

When America came back with his ice cream, he gave Russia some and walked into the house as if nothing happened. Mr. Cuddles followed happily with his own ice cream in his mouth. Well, an ice cream truck wouldn't stand a chance against a guy who swung buffalo around as a child…

**The White House, if you don't know its location then that's sad**

"Mr. President! Barak! Mr. Obama! Obama-kins! Homeboy! Open the door!" America continuously banged on the door of the Oval Office as Russia watched.

"It looks like you're back to normal." America screamed and jumped up on the ceiling when he heard his boss' voice. "Why are you not in the office? What the hell man?"

"I just got here from travelling. What is it?"

"Oh I just came here to say that everything's back to normal! Awesome, right?"

"I guess so…" He didn't want to admit how relieving and quiet it was in the White House when the silly American wasn't there. Nonetheless, he was happy that everything was back to normal. _And did he just call me Obama-kins?"_

"Okay, just wanted to let you know! Peace! Come on Ivan." America started for the stairs. Russia didn't follow at first. "He is a handful, isn't he?"

"I've only been here four years and he is definitely something."

"Come on, Ivanski! I don't have all day!" America came back and pulled Russia away by the scarf.

*I KNOW YOU WANT ME. I KNOW YOU CARE. I KNOW YOU NEED ME. I AM A CHAIR.*

"Hey everyone, guess what? We are not cats anymore!" America barged into Germany's house, where the Axis, Spain, Prussia, Romano, and Switzerland were hanging out.

"Hey get out before I shoot you!" Switzerland aimed his pistol at them. Everyone ignored him.

"Wonderful. Maybe now you could do your paperwork." Germany deadpanned.

"Ve~ But-a you were so cute as-a kitty cats" Italy said with his mouth full of pasta.

"Werr that is very rucky of you two. I thought you wourd be cats forever." Japan smiled.

"That's wonderful, amigos! Would you like a celebration tomato?" Spain smiled and offered them one of Romano's tomatoes. Romano wasn't very happy about that, of course.

"Hey don't give those bastards my tomatoes!"

Yep, he wasn't happy at all.

*WOO-HOO! ANOTHER SPAIN APPEARANCE!*

"_What if I gave you a dollar?"_

"_No."_

"_What if I gave you two dollars?"_

"_No."_

"_What if I made you president?"_

"_No."_

"_What if I made you president of the world?"_

"_No."_

"_What if I stopped calling you a commie bastard?"_

"_No."_

"_What if I gave you my favorite pistol?"_

"_No."_

_"A dragon?"_

"_No."_

"_What if I killed Poland?"_

"_Like, totally not cool!"_

"_Tempting, but no."_

"_Tempting? I'm totally snapping your neck!"_

"_What if I told you I loved you?"_

"_No… Wait, what?"_

_Alfred tugged at Ivan's scarf. "Why won't you do it? I just want you to sing along! You can do it! If it ain't raining, we ain't training!" Alfred grinned underneath his military helmet. They were standing out in the rain in their army clothes. Alfred and Ivan were supposed to lead a march during WWII._

"_Fine, I'll do it." Ivan mumbled._

"_Sweetness! Come on let's go!" Alfred dragged him by his side and started to sing. "It's raining outside and the roof got a hole and there's water drippin' on the floor!"_

"_Drip drop. Dripity-drop-drop! Drip drop. Dripity-drop-drop!" Ivan sang._

"_Drip drop. Dripity-drop-drop! Drip drop. Dripity-drop-drop!" The rest of the army sang along. They continued until they got to their destination._

America wasn't sure why he remembered moments like that. He wasn't sure why he had bought a bouquet of sunflowers and is walking back home to give them to Russia. He didn't really remember…

Oh yes, he was going to ask him out.

America grinned and continued to walk down the street. Suddenly, a grey bunny rabbit fell out of the sky.

"What the heck?" America looked up and put up a hand to see if any other critters were going to fall out of the sky. No critters fell, but a knife did. America screeched and moved out of the way as the knife fell and stabbed the ground. He really wished he had gotten a steel umbrella…

America looked down and stared at the rabbit. It had a bow on its head that reminded him of Belarus. He picked it up. "Oh hey there little, guy! Where did you come from?"

The rabbit snarled at him and tried to scratch him in the face with its nonexistent claws. America observed the rabbit and his eyes widened. "Oh! You're a girl! I'm sorry!"

Oh man if looks could kill, America would be a pile of ashes right now…

"Do you wanna come home with me, little rabbit? Is it okay if I call you Fluffy?" America nuzzled the bunny rabbit, much to her dismay. "I'm gonna call you Fluffy!" America suddenly gasped. "You'd be the perfect gift to Ivan! He may be intimidating, but he's really a big old teddy bear. Trust me, you'll love him! And he loves cute things! Maybe I could give you to him for a date gift!" He attached the flowers to her bow. "Perfect…"

The bunny rabbit suddenly looked interested. Then she grinned. America wasn't sure what that was about, but he shrugged and headed to his home.

He knocked on his own front door, despite it being his own home and that he had his keys. Russia opened the door and smiled when he saw America hold out the bunny and flowers.

"Will you go out with me?"

**Oh man, America, that's no bunny rabbit! So I know this is a random chapter in a way, but this all happened in one day. Now, explanations!**

**THIS STORY IS NOT OVER! IT WILL NOT BE OVER UNTIL IT IS LABELED COMPLETE! I said I would do the 2P characters and that did not happen yet, did it? And they won't be starting over, either, okay? I don't want everyone yelling at me saying "OMG IT'S STARTING ALL OVER AGAIN? NUUUUUUU!"**

**Trust me on this. I keep my promises.**

**Oh, and by the way, I made one of the one-shots for one of the winners of the like, totally thing. It is for Puppet's Master and it's called "Dinner Time". Go check it out if you want to! I hope there are no FrUS haters because that's what the story is about. That pairing needs a little more love…**

**I'm in the middle of making the other one-shot thingie.**

**The raining song is an actual song that was sung in the army. My dad was in it and they would sing that song in the rain while they marched. I would sing that with him all the time when it rained. Ah, good times…**

**Oh yeah, and the ice cream scene… I have no idea why I put it there. I just have a craving for ice cream…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	23. Like a Married Couple

**It's a new day, and new time, a new adventure, and a new chapter! Since I don't have much to say, let's begin!**

**Disclaimer: Y'know, I think that if I owned Hetalia, I would totally be writing this instead of putting it into the show.**

"_Oh wait nevermind I got that fixed. We don't need to start over"_

"_Well that was very misleading, oui?"_

"_Yeah but now Belarus is back…"_

"_Does that girl ever take a break?"_

"_Shh! Don't let her hear you! I've heard that she can smell your hate and fear!"_

"…"

**America's house, you know the location by now**

Natalia was already pissed that that flight attendant saw her and threw her out of the plane. Good news is, she landed right in front of her target: Alfred F. Jones. Oh man, if she weren't a representation of a country she'd be dead from that crash…

Now she finds herself in a bow with sunflowers being offered to her own brother. She always wanted to see the look on Ivan's face right now. But, the problem is, she was being offered as a gift! A pet! A little bunny rabbit that is destined to be in a cage!

She would not allow this! Besides, it's not like Ivan will really say 'yes'. There's still a (very small) chance that he will say 'no'. Right?

"Da, I will!" Ivan wrapped his arms around the American, squishing Natalia between them. The bunny cursed inwardly. _Well 'no' is out of the question…_

"Tomorrow, seven 'o' clock pm, at the Red Lobster, okay? Oh, and there's a special surprise afterwards~" Alfred winked at the last part. You could hear France laughing aloud from next door.

Has anyone noticed how close England and France live to America's place? It's almost like the answer to Russia and America's problems is right next door… Oh wait, it is.

Ivan ignored the laughing and blushed a little, definitely getting the wrong idea. Natalia fumed at the American's remark. Of course, no one gave a crap.

When they went inside, Alfred put the bunny down in front of Mr. Cuddles, taking out the sunflowers in the process. "Alright, Fluffy, I want you to meet Mr. Cuddles! You two will get along fine!" Alfred got up and made a B-line for the kitchen. Natalia rolled her eyes. Figures the guy would walk into his home and go straight to the kitchen…

Natalia took one look at Mr. Cuddles before snarling at the kitty. She then hopped up on the couch and watched Alfred and Ivan argue.

"Hey, Ivan, did you drink all my soda?"

"Nyet, I drank no such thing. I do not even like Coke."

"How would you know it was Coke? It could've been Sprite or Pepsi! Maybe even Fanta!"

"Well, was it?"

"No, it was Coke… But still! Who else could've drunken my soda? You're the only other person who came here since I got it!"

Ivan hid his face behind a newspaper he got from God knows where. Alfred smirked. "What? You can't come up with any more comebacks, Snowflake?"

"Nyet, I do not feel like talking anymore." Natalia couldn't help but smirk when Ivan pretended to read the news.

"Uh-huh. Now why is it that I had a whole box and now it's all gone, hmm? Tell me."

"I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Dude, you drank all my Coke? That's cold."

"I did not."

"You did too!"

"Did not!"

"Do too!"

Natalia chuckled at their little 'married couple' argument. _They're kinda cute together…_

_Yeah! They go together like peanut butter and jelly! Wait… What is peanut butter again?_ Natalia turned around to see Mr. Cuddles. The kitty had woken up.

_Oh man, is it that brown sticky stuff? I once ate peanut butter and it got stuck in my mouth! That wasn't very fun at all… Oh, but jelly is awesome! That stuff is like heaven! When I tried jelly I puked rainbows! Speaking of rainbows, I once saw a double rainbow! It was so intense! I wish I knew how to use cameras. Then I could've taken a picture of it! I once saw this weird picture of a yeti. It was weird. Oh yeah, that reminds me of this one time when I saw a banana peel on the floor but I slipped over it anyways! That was weird… And another thing-_

_Oh for heaven's sake, shut the hell up!_ Natalia pulled at her ears like she would do to her hair when frustrated. Mr. Cuddles smiled sheepishly and looked at the floor.

_Sorry… I tend to talk a lot when I meet new friends… I like to make new friends! But a lot of other cats don't like me because of my excessive talking!_

_I can see why…_ Natalia turned away and focused on Alfred and Ivan. She had a look of horror when she saw them kissing. When they parted, Alfred said, "Ha! Busted!"

"What do you mean?"

"Your mouth tastes like Coke!" Ivan face-palmed and smiled at Alfred's remark. "Da, you got me. I drank all your Coke."

"But why?" Ivan didn't answer. Instead he continued to pretend to read the paper. Alfred snatched it away from him. "Hey, answer me, fool!"

"I was reading that!"

"The paper was up-side-down, Ivan!"

"I knew that…"

The two of them continued to argue just for the sake of arguing. Natalia growled at this. _I need to find a way to separate those two!_

_Separate who?_ Mr. Cuddles looked curious as to what that bunny planned to do. Natalia grinned and took a tea cup off the coffee table, putting it on her head. She jumped off the couch and stood up on her hind legs in front of Mr. Cuddles. In fact, she looked a lot like a drill sergeant. Natalia paced back and forth in front of her before stopping. She thought that maybe, just maybe, she could convert Mr. Cuddles to her side. Natalia grinned.

_I won't say who, but let's just say that all hell would break loose if they ended up together._

Mr. Cuddles looked horrified. Natalia continued on. _Buildings would be burning in fire! Corpses would be scattered throughout the streets, painted red with blood! This happy land you live in now will soon become a barren wasteland! And one sad little girl would be terribly heartbroken…_

Natalia stared down at the floor at the last part she said. She really was disappointed that Ivan would choose that pig over her. She would find some way to stop them… Some way…

*THROW THE CHEEEEEESE*

That night, Natalia sat there in a cage watching Alfred and Ivan sleep peacefully in their bed. They looked so cute together!_ Maybe I should just let him go. He seems happy with the pig…_

_No! You made it your goal to get married with him! And honey, you're getting married!_ Another voice screamed out in her head. Natalia clenched her paws into fists.

_You know what? You're right! I shouldn't soften up for these two! I'm gonna ruin their date. Even if it's the last thing I do…_

**Of, Natalia do you ever take a break? Well, since there's not so much I want to explain in this chapter, I'm gonna let you guys go now.**

**And I finished that other one-shot! It's called "In the Closet", another RusAme story. But trust me, nothing explicit happens. Sorry fangirls. But I hope you like it, Sunflower in the Dark!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	24. A Bloody Epic Date

**Hi guys! Guess what? A few days ago I was in English class and the teacher was doing this trivia thing and she asked what the most living born children from one woman is. My perverted friend guessed 69 at first as a joke, but then changed it to 37. But get this: THE ANSWER WAS 69! And I was so close… I guessed 42… But still, isn't that ironic?**

**Okay, I just thought I'd get that across. Now for the chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Are you gonna sue me, now? I write a fanfiction like everyone else on this site, so I shouldn't have to do this.**

"_Today is the day!"_

"_Today's the day for what, Frog?"_

"_The date, silly!"_

"_Whatever, Frog. Why don't you ever take me out on dates anymore?!"_

"_Why do you tend to destroy every restaurant you go to?"_

"…"

**Saturday, America's house, 5:00 pm**

"Alright soldiers!" Natalia marched back in forth in front of Mr. Cuddles, a cockroach, and an ant. She was wearing that tea cup on her head while Mr. Cuddles had a bowl, the cockroach had an acorn top, and the ant had a helmet he made himself since he was head of the ant army. Natalia grinned at her army. "In two hours, we will be forcing two people -one I love, the other I loathe- to break up! I'm going to need the best of the best! So that's why I called you guys here! We're going to need discipline, pride, respect, and toughness!" She glared at Mr. Cuddles.

"That means you too, chatterbox! Stand up straight!" Mr. Cuddles obeyed and saluted with the wrong paw. Natalia switched her gaze from the cat to the cockroach. "You! If you mess up, I'm stepping on you! Just because you can survive a nuclear bomb, that does not mean you can't beat a shoe! Understood?" the roach hastily nodded and saluted with his front leg. Natalia then grinned at the ant. "I like you. You can be my head supervisor and call on the rest of your army." The ant nodded and saluted with a straight face. Mr. Cuddles and the roach stared at the ant. Then Mr. Cuddles said:

"We got a lot to learn…"

*I SHOULD SAY SOMETHING FUNNY HERE…*

Alfred hopped up and down struggling to get his pants on after stumbling out of the bathroom. He twirled around and fell on his stomach, the pants hanging off his thighs. Alfred sighed irritably.

"It figures that my good pants would be too small…"

Ivan walked into the room, not bothering to knock. When he saw Alfred, he burst out laughing. "Alfredka, can't get your pants on?"

"Shut up! Why do you not knock before entering?" Alfred tried to stand up but he tripped over his pants. Ivan had to lean against the door to keep from falling over laughing. A very pissed off Alfred grabbed at Ivan's dress pants before pulling them down. Ivan blushed when Alfred grinned at his underwear.

"You kept my underwear, Ivan? I was wondering where my American flag-print underwear went!" Alfred laughed aloud as Ivan smiled sheepishly. The whole time this was happening, the ant, named Sergeant was watching from behind an X-Box 360. Sergeant smiled a little. They were pretty funny and cute together! How could anyone want to separate them? He called his army. _Hey guys? You don't have to come anymore. That was a false alarm. Take the day off._ Sergeant smiled at his little phone when he heard cries of joy on the other line. Yes, guys this ant has a phone.

Alfred and Ivan got over their little situation and continued to get ready for their date. As Alfred went into the bathroom, a cockroach crawled across the floor. But Alfred didn't freak out. Instead, he picked up the bug. "Aw~ you're so cute! I'm gonna call you Roachie!" Roachie smiled at his new name as Alfred petted him with a finger. The bug chirped like the little roach on Wall-E. Alfred giggled before putting the creature down and getting dressed.

When Alfred walked out of the bathroom, he was clean, cut, and definitely dressed for a date. His hair was even slicked back (save for that stubborn Nantucket). You wouldn't even know that was Alfred at first glance. Natalia and Mr. Cuddles were the last ones standing loyal to the army. And Mr. Cuddles was getting close to calling it quits when she saw that it was Alfred whose relationship was being sabotaged.

_How could you ruin MY owner's relationship? If you think I'm that stupid, then I'm not gonna be your friend anymore! Good luck with your life!_ Mr. Cuddles walked off to her food bowl, and Natalia was pissed. _They all left before the date even started! And it starts in five minutes!_ Natalia glared at the oblivious cockroach sitting on Alfred's shoulder. The American put the roach down on his desk and put a sandwich next to it (where did that come from?). "Enjoy, buddy!"

Natalia rolled her eyes before silently following behind Alfred downstairs. Right when Ivan saw his date, his eyes widened.

"Hey, you don't look like a slob anymore!"

"Say that again and you'll lose a limb."

The two of them shared a little laugh before exiting the building. Natalia stealthily followed at top speed, the door just barely closing in on her tail. Alfred and Ivan hopped into the Cadillac as Natalia snuck under the vehicle with a little knife she randomly got out of nowhere.

_Nice car… I wonder how it would drive with a flat tire…_

*KESESESESESE! ZE AWESOME PRUSSIA WAZ HERE*

She waited a little while before stabbing the tire, hoping to cause an accident that would injure the American. Unfortunately for her, the car only did a 360 before stopping at the side of the road. No one was hurt, but Natalia wanted the puke.

"What the hell?" Alfred stepped out of the car and stared at the flat tire. Ivan walked up next to him. "That's very… unfortunate."

"I know. Oh well. There's a bus stop not too far away from here! Wanna just go there?"

"Da, that would be nice."

Natalia inwardly cursed before following the two of them to the bus stop. She listened in on their conversation.

"Alfredka, what about the car? Are you just going to leave it there?"

"Um, yeah! Maybe some lucky guy can find it and fix the tire. I have plenty of money to pay for a new car."

Ivan didn't have a response. It was true. When you represent a country, the pay is very high. Even Sealand's pay isn't too shabby.

Natalia frowned when she saw that the bus was already there when they got to the bus stop. She wanted to do something at the bus stop so they couldn't make it to Red Lobster, but oh well. Maybe she could do something on the bus…

Natalia found a seat first, hoping that the couple would sit nearby. Well they did.

Right on top of her.

Alfred sat on the poor bunny without noticing while Ivan sat right next to her. Natalia squeezed out from under him and fell on the floor. She quickly looked up to see Alfred staring directly at her. _Oh no… Retreat! Retreat!_ Natalia dashed to the back of the bus. She decided to just leave them alone for now.

Turning around, Natalia saw her shadow grinning at her with glowing red eyes. Natalia gasped. _BLACK MAGIC?! I KNEW IT! And I know just how to fix that…_

*IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND*

"I want that one!" a chubby kid pointed to the biggest lobster in the tank. The poor thing seemed to be shaking its head in fear as it put its claws up like that would protect it from the employee's hands. Alfred gave the lobsters in the cage a look of pity before leading Ivan to their table.

"Right this way, love!"

"Don't treat me like a woman."

Alfred's smile twitched a little before he grabbed Ivan's shoulders and slowly pushed him down into the booth seat. Ivan smirked at Alfred's strained smile.

"I prefer that you take the female role."

"Don't make me hurt you. We all know you're the more feminine one!"

"I do not think so, Sunflower."

"Sunflower? Do you want a bullet in your head?!"

Before Ivan could answer, a rather nervous looking waitress came up to their table and asked what they wanted to drink. Alfred had that 'I want a Coke' smile on his face, but Ivan shot that down by ordering some expensive wine. Alfred glared at him when the lady left. "Hey, I'm paying for this, buddy!"

"Are you trying to be a cheap date?"

"No, but that was the most expensive thing on the menu! And this is an expensive restaurant, my friend!" Switzerland would be proud.

Ivan smirked as the waitress came back with their drinks.

"Are you ready to order?" she said with a smile that showed she had completely forgotten about Alfred's little remark about shooting his date. The two of them ordered, but there happened to be a little disagreement…

"We'll take the lobster-"

"No way, Snowflake we're getting crab legs!"

"Why crab legs? Are you trying to be cheap again?"

"No! Didn't you see the look on that poor, helpless lobster that knew its fate would be to be eaten by that fat kid?"

"So you don't care about the poor, helpless crab that lost its legs?"

"Lobsters are cuter."

"Alfredka, these lobsters are bound to be eaten anyway. We might as well make it quicker."

That was when Alfred stared at the table in despair, giving Ivan a chance to confirm the order. The waitress smiled at Alfred in pity before going off to the kitchen.

Ivan got up and sat next to Alfred on the other side of the table and put an arm around his shoulders. "Oh come on Alfredka. You don't have to be so sad. There are plenty surviving lobsters in the- OW!"

Alfred smirked a little at Ivan's face after giving the Ruski a swift punch in the stomach. "HA! You totally fell for it, Commie!"

"I prefer Snowflake…"

"Whatever! … Commie."

"Fine, if you want to be that way, Pig, I will stoop down to your level!"

This argument eventually turned into a talk about memories, especially about that memory Alfred had before asking Ivan out.

"You remember that, Alfredka? That was way back in World War 2. And yet you can't remember a command given to you two seconds ago…"

"Hey, don't turn this into another argument! We already did that enough and if you want this relationship to stay together, I suggest that you stop it with the snarky remarks!"

Ivan said no more smart remarks and smiled. "Okay Alfredka. I won't do that anymore."

"Good. I don't want this relationship to end. As much fun as it is to argue with you, it's a good thing to get along…" Alfred leaned in to kiss his date.

And then there was a sound of a soft _"plop!"_

Both of them parted from their kiss and looked down. Alfred's eyes widened as Ivan blushed. "Oh come on, Ivan, did you have to do that right now?"

"I'm sorry, Alfredka. I can't really control it…"

The two of them stared the bloody object on Ivan's lap. It continued to beat, leaking out blood and making a bloody mess on Alfred and Ivan.

It was Ivan's heart.

Alfred sighed. "Well that's a mood killer…" He ever-so-gently picked the heart up and smiled reassuringly at Ivan. "Does it hurt when it does that?"

"Nyet, I feel fine when it happens. Although, it does hurt when you squeeze it too hard. Just put it back in."

Alfred lifted the heart to do as told. But before he could do that, the waitress came back with their food and set it down on the table. She didn't notice what was going on until she opened her eyes. Oh man, the scream she made broke the glasses of wine Alfred and Ivan had.

"Sir, y-your heart!"

"Da, I know. My heart is not in me. I should put it back before I run out of blood." Ivan smiled at the warmth of Alfred's hand wrapped around his heart. It seems to never feel warm…

The waitress fainted. She couldn't handle any more of this. A lot of weird people would come into this restaurant and do a lot of weird things. But she had never seen a guy lose his heart and continue to talk like it was nothing.

The two of them stared at the woman for a moment before laughing out loud.

"Oh man, Ivan, did you see her face?"

"Da, it was hysterical!"

Alfred put the heart back into Ivan's chest when the Russian started coughing from laughter and blood loss. They eventually had to take their food to-go when the manager and surrounding people got involved. They had to leave before anyone called the police. They were still cracking up as they walked outside.

Later on, Alfred and Ivan went to the park and finished their food at a picnic table. After a rather satisfying meal, Alfred suggested that they should show their inner child and play at the park!

And that didn't end well…

"Ah! I am being stuck!" Ivan yelled. Alfred attempted to get him out of the tire swing that he had somehow gotten stuck in. "Maybe if you lost a little weight we wouldn't have this problem, fatty!"

"I'm big-boned…"

"Whatever it is, it's not helping you at the moment! Ah!" Alfred had finally gotten his friend out of the tire swing and fell back from all his force. Ivan landed right on top of him.

"Alfredka? Are you okay?"

No response.

"Alfredka?"

*PA-PA-PA POKER FACE PA-PA POKER FACE*

"I had so much fun with you today, Snowflake. Even though I passed out after you fell on me at the park…" Alfred sighed while he lay down in bed next to Ivan. "This was awesome."

"Da, I had a lot of fun, despite losing my heart." They both chuckled a little, remembering the look on that poor waitress' face. Ivan stared at Alfred for a moment, looking deep in thought. Then he said, "Sunflower, I have a question."

"Hmm?"

"Become one with Mother Russia, da?"

Alfred grinned. Ivan had said that to him so many times before, rejecting every time. But then, he threw a leg over the Russian, pinning him to the bed and said, "I thought you'd never ask."

**LONG CHAPTER IS LONG. Because I love you, I gave you a long, happy chapter. Or, it was long to me. I've been up all night typing this… And aren't you happy that those two had gone out on a date? And I hope you all know what it means to become one with Mother Russia, da?**

**Because if you don't, Google it. I don't feel like explaining it to you.**

**Oh yeah, has anyone ever been to Red Lobster and you would just look at the lobster cage and feel so sorry for those poor creatures in that tank? I know that every time I go to that restaurant, I want to free those lobsters and release them into the ocean. You know, the lobsters there are boiled alive. That must be painful…**

**But it doesn't change the fact that they taste SO GOOD!**

**I know, I'm a cruel child.**

**So, Natalia lost her army and now she suddenly knows black magic! Uh-oh. Nothing good can come from that, eh? Tune in next time…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	25. Belarus' Final Blow

**Hi! Guess what? I went to the eye doctor and discovered that I needed glasses. I have them now and the world looks so clear! Wow, I thought my vision was okay but everything is WAY less fuzzy!**

**I know all of you are going to love-hate me for this chapter…**

**Disclaimer: I ran out of things to say here so, I OWN NOTHING!**

"_I wish that girl would go take a hike! Now she's fighting my magic?! I need to break something…"_

"_Don't break your wand. We might not be able to reverse Russia and America's spell, Angleterre"_

"_I swear if she fights this back I am going to shoot everything within a ten foot radius."_

"_You don't have a gun…"_

"_Do you honestly think that will stop me?"_

"…_."_

**9:30 am, America's house, Monday**

Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Alfred and Ivan caught up on their political work as well as other things. Oh, and they fed Mr. Cuddles and the cockroach.

Now Ivan found himself sleeping peacefully next to his new boyfriend. Half- awake, he nuzzled into the other's hair before opening his eyes. His vision was still blurry from sleep, but he could tell that Alfred didn't exactly look like Alfred…

"Good morning, Big Brother!"

Ivan screamed and tumbled out of bed. He didn't even know his voice could reach pitches that high… His hands and ankles were chained and tied together by handcuffs and duct tape, too.

"W-what are you d-doing here?!" Ivan trembled one the floor as his sister stepped out of bed. "You look so cute when you're sleeping, Big Brother. Too bad that American was in the way to ruin the cuteness factor. It just looked obnoxious…"

"Where is Alfred? And why am I in handcuffs?"

"Wow, you are just full of questions aren't you?"

"WHERE IS ALFRED?!"

Natalia giggled. "Oh don't worry about him. He's all bound and gagged up now!" Ivan just stared at her. Why can't this girl just give up? Ivan attempted to get out of the high-quality handcuffs and duct tape. Natalia kneeled down on top of him. "Now big brother-"

"_RRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIINNNNNNG! RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIII-"_

Natalia irritably took out her iPhone and checked the caller ID. Rolling her eyes, she answered. "What, Big Sister? No I'm not with Vanya. If he's not in his home, he's probably visiting someone else! How would I know? Oh, stop crying. I'm pretty sure he's fine."

"No I'm not! Natalia has me tied up at America's-" Natalia stuffed a piece of cloth in Ivan's mouth to shut him up. "No, Sister, that wasn't him! It was… Why do you care? Don't worry I won't hurt him. Well, no promises…" There was a clicking noise on the other line. Natalia just stared at her phone. "Hey, you don't hang up on me! I hang up on you!"

Grumbling, she called Katyusha again.

"Hello?" Katyusha said on the other line. Natalia hung up on her and grinned. "Now where were we?" she reached down to the poor Russian pajama pants. Ivan's eyes widened. "No! No! NYET PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!"

*AND YOU ALL JUST LOST THE GAME*

**Earlier that morning, 1:00 am, America's room**

Natalia gazed over the peaceful sleeping couple, almost feeling a pain of guilt in her. "I almost feel bad for doing this… Meh." She stabbed Alfred in the heart with a syringe. The America stirred awake in reaction, but Natalia calmed him down. "Hush, little Alfred. This will only hurt a lot. I'm sorry for stabbing you in the heart. It would've worked all the same if I did the arm, but I don't like you."

Alfred mumbled a little before his eyes drooped shut. Natalia made a Cheshire cat grin. _Success…_

She dragged the drugged American out of the room, making sure not to wake up her brother. "I'm gonna do so many terrible things to you, pig. But only after I'm done with Big Brother…" Alfred frowned in his sleep and wriggled out of her grip a little. Natalia tried to keep him still but Alfred continued to move. Finally, Alfred got his victory when Natalia fell down backwards as Alfred fell down on top of her.

"Ack! You're so heavy!"

"Mph hmph," was Alfred's response. Natalia groaned and pushed Alfred off of her. She then carried him to the basement, otherwise not known as Alfred's torture chamber.

You see, Alfred had this little problem with multiculturalism where there was this innocent side of him, and then there was that psychotic killer torturer rapist side of him. America has most of those kinds of people, you know. Natalia was a little shocked at the old torture devices. "Wow, you've got problems." She could've sworn that she saw him nod. Natalia tried to avoid stepping on the old blood on the (dance) floor. (Just kidding. Do you know that band?")

Natalia took out a straightjacket. "I was gonna tie you up in this anyway, but now I think you need it…" She put it on Alfred before wrapping him in duct tape. She put a spiked collar that was connected to a chain that was connected to the wall on him. "Just so that you don't get anywhere, okay Alfie?" Alfred groaned and stirred awake. Natalia grinned again. "Ah, you woke up just in time. It's funny. That was the strongest drug I got."

"Why am I in my basement? Where's Ivan?" Alfred shouted, suddenly wide awake. Natalia giggled. "I'm holding you captive because you're a pig and you stole my brother's heart. And do not worry about Ivan. He's still sleeping like a baby. I'd be more worried about myself if I were you right now."

Alfred glared at her. "You bitch! Let me go! You need some serious help!"

"Says the bi-polar idiot who has a torture chamber for a basement."

"… Touché…"

Natalia kneeled down next to the wrapped up American. "You know, Alfred… I've always kind of liked you."

"Really?"

"Yes… I don't know why but that fake date was actually pretty fun. Well, until Big Bother came along. Don't you agree?" Alfred thought about it before nodding. "Actually, it was pretty fun. That is, until you hit me in the head with your knife…" Natalia chuckled before leaning in closer to him. "You're not so bad." She kissed Alfred's cheek and smiled. Alfred just stared at her emotionlessly. She couldn't tell whether he was happy, sad, or just confused. She gave up with reading his emotions and stood up.

"You're still a pig. This doesn't change the fact that I love Big Brother and that I still don't like you. Goodbye, Alfred. Have fun with the spiders and ghosts down here." She ran up the stairs to her brother.

Alfred gulped and stared off into space. "I don't get girls…"

*I'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZAR*

**Next door, 8:00 am**

"I wonder if these guys can help us…" Mr. Cuddles said to Roachie as they stepped foot through the cat door of Turkey and Greece's house. They were immediately greeted by a small orange tabby with sapphire eyes. "Welcome to our beautiful home! I'm Paros!"

Another kitten showed up. It was white and fluffy and had emerald green eyes. He glared at them. "What are you weaklings doing here?" Paros glared at him. "Hey, be nice, Naxos! Sorry, he acts way too much like his dad…"

"What's going on here?" Sparta stepped up to Mr. Cuddles and Roachie. Sparta stared at the other tabby. "Hey, I know you! What brings you here?"

"Well, there was this bunny rabbit that tried to turn me against my own owners, Alfred and Ivan." Mr. Cuddles said. Roachie chirped in agreement. Sparta looked at them. "Alfred and Ivan? Aren't they cats too?"

"Oh no, they just turned into cats. I could explain more but my owners are in trouble because the bunny turned human and she's gonna do bad things to them! I watched her plotting in her cage with a wand and a small cloak! We need your help!"

Sparta tried taking in what was being told to him. Aphrodite suddenly showed up with kittens climbing all over her. "Alfred and Ivan are in trouble? Oh man, we really want to help you but we are a little busy…" Mr. Cuddles nodded in understanding before smiling. "I see you two had kittens."

"Yeah! They're a handful, I'll tell ya. They all get their annoying behavior from Aphrodite over there." Sparta pointed to her and snickered. Aphrodite glared at him. "They get their reckless behavior from you!"

Sparta grinned and looked back at Mr. Cuddles. "I love her. Hey, Athens, get your lazy butt over here!" A tiny kitten with white fur and grey eyes, much like Athena, came up to them. "Yes Father?"

"Go help these guys."

"Yes Father."

Mr. Cuddles immediately fell in love with that kitten. "Is he supposed to help us?"

"Yeah, he's a runt that Aphrodite doesn't want to kill. I think he's weak but hey might be of help." Aphrodite glowered at Sparta. "How could you say that?"

"Well, he is!"

"Stop that! He already gets picked on by his siblings!"

A little brown cat with a bag on his head had walked up to them silently, watching the whole thing. He was Turkey's cat, Ankara. Mr. Cuddles picked up the small kitten and left while the couple bickered and the other cat watched. She dashed back to the house with Athens.

*LET'S GET IT STARTED IN HERE*

**America's basement, 9:35 am**

"Nobody knows… the troubles I've seen, the troubles I've seen, the- I'm in a torture chamber…" Alfred decided to pass his time by singing songs. He suddenly stopped singing when he heard Ivan's cries of help from upstairs. Alfred tried even harder than before to get out of the jacket and duct tape. _Come on duct tape! You never failed me before! Why do you have to be such a traitor?!_

_Stop being silly, Alfred. Think! What would MacGyver do?_

_I don't know… I just don't know, common sense._

After that little conversation with his own common sense, Alfred tried everything to at least get out of the collar. He suddenly froze when he hear a clicking noise and the creaking of the basement door opening. Ivan's cries sounded much clearer now. Alfred didn't see anyone at first. But then…

"Mr. Cuddles and Roachie! And who is that?" Mr. Cuddles mewed as Roachie followed this by a little chirp. Alfred's eyes widened. "His name is Athens? Roachie, did you really unlock the door? Wow, dude… Just… wow… YOU'RE THE BEST ROACH EVER!"

Roachie chirped and crawled up Alfred before detaching the collar from its chain. Mr. Cuddles and Athens scratched through the duct tape and straightjacket. They finally managed through all of that stuff and stepped back. Alfred jumped up.

"Thank you guys so much!" he petted the kitties. "Remind me to give you an awesome treat when this is over."

When he got to the room, Alfred didn't even bother opening his door like a sensible person. Instead, he kicked it down and shouted, "Hey, get off of my boyfriend!"

Natalia looked like a deer in the headlights. "How did you get out of the-"

"I have a few awesome pets, Belarus."

The girl stood up and took out a knife. "I hate you!" Alfred shrugged. "I'm just glad you're still dressed." Furious, Natalia jumped towards him with the knife. Alfred put up his arms in defense as she sliced right through them. She didn't cut his arms off, but it was a pretty deep cut. Alfred growled and pushed her away before drawing his gun. "You have a knife. I have a gun. I win."

Natalia dropped the knife and put her arms up. Alfred put his finger in the trigger. "I'm going to give you five seconds to get the hell out of my house."

Natalia ran out with her tail between her legs (not literally because she doesn't have a tail anymore, but you know what I mean). Alfred kneeled down next to Ivan. "Are you okay?"

Ivan nodded. "I'm fine thank you…"

"Come on, big guy, let's get you cleaned up. You're covered in blood and other liquids that I shouldn't mention."

"Please don't say things like that, pet. Nice collar, by the way."

"Okay, my little prisoner. Nice handcuffs."

The two of them smiled. "I love you, man." They both said.

*FUZZY FUZZY CUTE CUTE*

Natalia sighed as she shuffled down the depressing street. Rain poured down as if to make everything even more depressing. Even the flowers outside drooped down as she walked by to make it even more depressing. Natalia was really depressed.

Anyone getting a sense of daja-vu here?

She sat down at a bus stop for shelter, unaware of a certain Chinese man sitting there next to her. No, it is not China. It was actually Hong Kong. Now Hong Kong never spoke a word unless it was a special occasion. Most people only knew what he was saying by looking into his eyes.

He put a hand on her shoulder. Natalia looked into his eyes and immediately understood what he was trying to tell her. _What's wrong, Bella?_

"Oh, it's nothing, Li. I just lost the love of my life and he's never coming back because he fell in love with a pig."

_A pig? That must hurt._

"Oh no, not a literal pig! I was just calling him a pig."

_Oh, that makes much more sense. Hey I'm going to a restaurant via bus. Do you want join me? It might make you feel better._

Natalia smiled. She wasn't sure what it was, but she felt some kind of connection with Li. She nodded. "That would be wonderful…"

**My friend kept on rushing me to get this chapter done. YOU'D BETTER FINISH THAT CLOSET PICTURE AMERICAN BURRITO OR ELSE I WILL SHOOT ANYTHING WITHIN A TEN FOOT RADIUS! AND YES, I DO HAVE A GUN.**

**Sorry, I lost it for a second. So, anyway, do you now love/hate me for starting it off with extremely uncalled for and depressing before actually getting rid of Belarus for sure? Trust me on this. She's gone. But she will still show up later, but it will be happy, I promise.**

**By the way, Sparta and Aphrodite's kittens are Greek islands and cities (as well as one Turkish one that I didn't mention. He has a bag over his head, too.)**

**Next chapter will be fluffiness. By the way, the next chapter is another world meeting! Yay~**

**Spain will actually be pretty important next chapter.**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	26. Caught On Camera

**Oh man, world meetings are fun to write about because it involves more characters. This is gonna be a happy chapter because I'm happy! So let's get started!**

**Disclaimer: Try and sue me now!**

"_Whew! She's gone! Goodness! Frog?"_

"_You know, if you keep calling me 'Frog', that's going to backfire on you someday."_

"_How could you know that?"_

"_I'm psychic." *le wink*_

"_Oh really? What am I going to say next, then?"_

"_You are going to say 'I wasn't going to say that!'"_

"_I wasn't going to say that!"_

_*le smirk*_

"_Oh wipe that grin off your face, Frog!"_

**World Meeting, Washington DC, Wednesday**

Ah, world meetings… It's a time to solve the world's problems. Sadly, that never happens in there. Everyone was still in chaos.

"I'm gonna kick your bloody arse if you don't shut your trap!"

"I am going to rip those caterpillars off your face if you don't stop choking me!"

"I throw my hands up in the air sometimes!"

"C'mon I onry have three Pokemon reft!"

"Why doesn't anyone want my snacks, aru?!"

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…."

"Lovi~ Give me my tomato back!"

"Get your own tomatoes, Tomato Bastard!"

"Guys we are supposed to be talking about economy…"

"I have to go to the bathroom!"

"EVERYONE SHUT UP!"

Everyone froze with their hair pulling and punching and slapping and kicking and arguing and Nintendo 3DS playing and sleeping and doodling and kissing in the corner to look at Germany. The German was relieved and surprised that the nations actually listened. Sighing in relief, he said, "Russia and America were here a minute ago. America needs to present. WHERE THE HELL IS HE?"

The nations looked at each other in question. "Yeah… Where _did_ they go?" some of them asked.

"I'll go find them!" Spain offered before walking out of the room.

*SO I HEARD YOU LIEK MUDKIPS*

America and Russia were just chilling in the closet while Spain searched the area. Russia was kneeling over the American in the small closet. In fact, it was so small that it could be called a wardrobe…

"Fine, Ivan, be that way! But next time, I'm on top!" America shouted quietly, half-heartedly punched Russia in the stomach. Russia just laughed. "Remember, you pinned me down the first time."

"I guess this relationship's gonna be a battle for dominance, huh?"

Russia smiled before pulling the American into a kiss. "Less talk, more love." He mumbled. America deepened the kiss and unzipped Russia's pants while Russia did the same to him. The two of them were tangled together in the small closet as they embraced. Russia mumbled again, "You might want to bite something. I'm going in dry…"

"Oh God…"

They surprisingly weren't caught for a whole hour. Poland was helping Spain look around, too. Spain had walked pass the closet many times but never looked into it. That is, until he heard some pretty disturbing noises from inside it. Raising an eyebrow, he opened the door. America and Russia looked like deer in the headlights. Or should I say deer in the headlights while making love?

"Oh, hi there!" America chuckled nervously. Russia was speechless. Spain just stared at them as Poland walked up to them and immediately took out his sparkly pink phone. "Oh. Em. Gee. This is like, so totally going on MySpace!"

He took a picture on his phone and posted it to MySpace in two seconds. There's a record. Spain just looked at him. "Mi amigo, how did you do that?"

Poland didn't answer. Instead, he started counting down. "Like three, like two, like one…"

Suddenly, a whole bunch of paparazzi showed up and started taking pictures of the daze Russian and the shell-shocked American. Poland smiled. "They love international relations."

Spain was speechless. It was either the fact the paparazzi showed up in three seconds, or that Poland didn't say 'like' or 'totally' once in that sentence. When he got his composure back, he was intrigued in the paparazzi's questions.

"How long have you two been together?"

"Is this a secret alliance?"

"Who is the one on top?"

"How do your leaders feel about this?"

"Forget the leaders! How is Belarus gonna feel about this?"

"Is the phrase 'Become one with Mother Russia, da?' being taken seriously?"

"Do you have five dollars I can borrow?"

America and Russia just stared at each other, almost as if they were talking through telekinesis… Russia finally glared at the paparazzi and slammed the closet door shut. The paparazzi were silenced. They stared at the door for a while until one brave guy opened the door again. Russia and America were dressed now, but they were still in a rather compromising position. "Why can't you guys leave us alone?!" America shouted.

"Answer our questions!" the one them protested. America took out a gun and pointed towards them. "Police can't arrest their own country if I shoot you."

The paparazzi were gone before you could say "Copenhagen". But when they left, the other nations came along, attracted to the noise. France and England smiled while some other nations, laughed, gasped, and shouted "I KNEW IT!"

Both America and Russia fell (came) out of the closet. (Man, I love that joke.) They both pushed through the nations and ran off.

And then the chase was on.

*ON A VIDEO GAME, NAME YOUR CHARACTER "YO MAMA" SERIOSLY, IT'S HILARIOUS*

America and Russia dashed through the streets as some other nations chased them. America dashed through a convenience store, dragging Russia along with him. The nations pursued. America grabbed a doughnut, paid for it, and put it in his mouth. Russia just looked at him.

"What? I was hungry!" America said with his mouth full. Russia shook his head as they continued to run. They went a little ways before going to a children's playground. America stopped and got on the springy horse. "I got an idea! Come at me, bros!"

The nations followed this order. Romano, who got there first stood in front of the springy horse and started cursing America out in Italian. America rocked back and forth on the horse until he fell off of it backwards. The horse swung forward with blinding speed and hit Romano right in the vital regions with its snout. Romano screamed and fell to the ground. "CHIGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Spain immediately helped him up and tried to aid him. America and Russia ran off to the slide. A little kid was just about to get on, but he was pushed away by Russia who went up the slide and slid down. America followed. The kid tried to get on again, but he was pushed over by Poland, who was followed by Italy, Germany, Japan (who had a camera), Hungary (who also had a camera), England, and France. The little boy just stared in shock at the odd group of grown men and that woman.

England and France seemed to have given up because they turned around and left. America picked up a basketball on the ground and threw it at the other nations. Poland, Italy, and Germany were all hit as they fell backwards unconscious from the force of the ball. Strike!

Last, but not least, there was Japan and Hungary. America stopped in his tracks, stopping Russia with him. "Don't worry dude I got this. Hey guys!"

Hungary and Japan stopped and stared at him. America pointed behind them. "I just saw two guys making out back there!"

Both of them dashed back the way he pointed. America grinned and Russia just smiled. "Well, that got rid of them…" Russia said.

*DANCE BOOGIE WONDERLAND*

Belarus giggled at Hong Kong's little joke. "Ah, Li, I like you. You are not scared of me or hate me!"

_Why would I hate you? I don't see how anyone could hate you. I just don't understand why your former lover would deliberately go out with America. That guy's not even charming…_

"FINALLY! Someone understands! I was hoping that you'd understand. Thanks for letting me stay at your place. Thank you so much." Belarus made her way out of Hong Kong's house. Hong Kong grabbed her arm. _No, wait, stop!_

"Hmm?" Belarus obliged and turned towards him. Hong Kong leaned forward and deeply kissed her. Belarus was a little shocked at this, but then she melted into the kiss.

And then China entered the house.

"AIYA, ARU, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING, ARU?!"

**Oh boy, here's China… There's gonna be one more chapter of America and Russia being normal until they get the next surprise! *gigglesnort***

**I told you I would update quickly. Or did I? I don't remember… Oh man my dad wants me using this crappy keyboard that keeps screwing my sentences up. It sucks…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	27. Things Seem to be Happy

**Alright, let's see how Belarus and Hong Kong will put up with China. And what will Russia and America's leaders think of the World Meeting? This will be answered this chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Yes, I would totally be writing a fanfiction if I owned Hetalia.**

"_Alright, tomorrow we will be breaking these guys' hearts."_

"_Aw, Angleterre, could we just keep them this way instead of being so cruel?"_

"_No. Now help me out with this."_

_*le worried look*_

**China's American home, Washington DC**

"Oh, hi China!" Belarus sing-songed in a rather happy voice. China just glared at her. "Get out of my house, aru!" It took every fiber of Belarus' being for her to not take out a knife. Hong Kong stepped forward. _Stop, China. I kissed her, not the other way around!_

"But why, Li? I don't appreciate this, aru! Belarus scares _Russia_. I suggest you stay away from that girl, aru!"

_No, stop telling me what to do! I'm a grown man with grown man needs!_

"Lol grown man needs, da-zee." S. Korea popped up out of nowhere. However, he was ignored. Belarus grinned.

"W-what are you grinning about, aru?" China stuttered. Belarus' grin grew wider. "China, do you remember when you had that little bunny rabbit and now you can't find it?"

"H-how do you know about that, aru?"

"I was the bunny the whole time."

"Uh-oh, DRAMA BOMB." S. Korea intervened again. He was also ignored again. "Y-you're joking, aru." China took a few steps back as Belarus shook her head. "Nope, I do not joke about bunny rabbits."

"This is so ridiculous, da-zee. Must watch…" S. Korea took out some popcorn and watched the drama. _I love her China. Please let me love her._ Hong Kong's eyes started to tear up as he made one of the most adorable puppy faces. He just knew that China had a weakness to cuteness.

"Oh God, aru… Please don't give me that, aru."

_Please give her a chance, China._

"Ugh, fine… I'll give you one chance. But if you hurt little Li's feelings, you will never make contact ever again, aru. Understood?"

"Yes, father-to-be."

"Please don't call me that, aru…"

*ALL THE SINGLE LADIES*

America and Russia stood in front of the President's desk. Vladimir Putin sat there with him. President Obama spoke first with an amused smile. "Today I got an interesting news article, you two." He pushed a newspaper towards the two nations. They both looked down and blushed as soon as they read the title: **Russia and America in Secret Union?**

Under that, there was a picture of the two of them in the closet (censored of course). "Oh brother…" Russia mumbled. America frowned. "Why is Russia's name first? Can't these people put their own country name first?! They could've at least done alphabetical order! And I come first!"

The other three in the Oval Office face-palmed. "Alfred…" Obama sighed.

"Yes, boss?"

"Does he always act immature?" Putin whispered in question to the president. Obama shook his head. "Oh no, he can be mature… When he wants to…" Putin laughed.

"Um, excuse me? I'm right here!" America did a spazzy hand motion. He was ignored just like Korea. Russia spoke up again. "We can explain. It's not what it looks like…"

"You two were having sex in a closet." Obama deadpanned. Russia blinked. "Okay so it's exactly what it looks like!"

"Look, we are totally okay with this relationship as long as it's not leading to a real union."

"Really?" They both lit up. "Da." Putin answered for Obama. Russia smiled a genuine smile while America jumped up and did a fist pump. He then hugged his president. "Thank you so much!" Before anyone could make a comment on that, America dashed out of the office, dragging Russia along with him.

Putin turned towards Obama. "He's quite the little ball of energy, isn't he?"

"Yes, but he's my little ball of energy." The two of them shared a good laugh before getting back to work.

*IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA GET DOWN ON FRIDAY*

"I can't believe how much I hate everything." Romano grumbled on Spain's couch. The Spaniard grinned. "It's okay, Lovi~ I understand. I'm sure your injury will get better."

"Shut up and make me a sandwich, Tomato Bastard! God, why did I have to be punished by that damn playground toy? Why couldn't it have been the French Bastard?"

"I'm not sure, Lovi. Maybe it was for a reason. Maybe Russland and Americano should be left alone…"

"What's up with the stupid nicknames?"

Before Spain could answer, Germany and Italy decided to show up. Italy made a B-line to his brother. "Fratello are you okay? Did that hurt?"

"What do you think? Of course it hurt you idiot!" Romano got up from the couch and strangled Italy. Of course, Germany had to break them apart. "Zat is enough! I do not want you two fighting! Remember last time you were fighting?"

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_Germany, help, it hurts!"_

"_Shut up, brother I'm trying to get it out!"_

"_Oh Gott…" Ludwig stared at the Italy brothers. Their curls were tangled up again… "You two really shouldn't sleep in the same bed. That always ends up in a fight and your curls getting tangled..."_

"_Blame my stupid brother for that!" Lovino screamed. Feliciano just cried. Shaking his head, Ludwig went up to them and stared at their curls. First, he tried pulling them apart, but then the brothers started crying again. Then something clicked. "Oh, I know how to do this." He smashed their heads together and both Feliciano and Lovino fell down on the bed unconscious. But look on the bright side, they were separated!_

_Ludwig sighed and left the pair alone. He could never get a break from these two idiots. He turned back towards Feliciano. "But they're sometimes just so silly that it's cute..." Smiling, Ludwig got back to work._

_**END OF LE FLASHBACK**_

"Oh yeah, that…" Italy sighed at that memory. "That wasn't very fun…"

"Damn straight. NOW GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Romano threw a tomato at Germany. The German dodge and took the hint before leading Italy out of the room. However, they needed to talk to Spain anyways.

Wait a minute…

Wasn't this Spain's house anyway?

*THIS IS SPARTA! NO THIS IS PATRICK!*

"I'm so glad I met you at that bus stop. You're so interesting despite never really talking!" Belarus giggled before taking a sip of her wine glass. After getting China's approval, the two of them decided to go to dinner for celebration. Hong Kong was happy that they didn't have to hide from him or anything. It was just him and his new girlfriend.

This might just work out.

As for America and Russia, they were spending the rest of the day relaxing. They had just played a game of catch, and Russia definitely didn't want to do that again. America was "throwing like France" but it seemed like the strength of two Frances! And that was nothing to be too happy about.

So after getting the four pains, they lay there in bed, feeling good. Yep.

Everything's gonna be alright…

**YAY! HAPPY CHAPTER! I HOPE YOU LIKE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!**

**ANOTHER TRANSFORMATION!**

**I know this chapter seemed a bit too happy, eh? Well the silliness is coming back, guys! Be prepared…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	28. Who Let the Dogs Out?

**Hey guys, I'm going to cover something for you. 2-FUCKING-P IS NOT COMING THIS CHAPTER. NOR IS IT COMING NEXT TRANSFORMATION. But it will happen after that. Trust me; I have this whole thing planned. Please don't make any more suggestions because that will ruin the plot. Remember, these guys are trying to find out who's doing this to them.**

**Now with that out of the way, I have to tell you something hilarious.**

**When we were in karate class, our Sensei was telling us how to throw someone. One comment made the whole class snicker: "You have to go **_**DEEP**_** inside your opponent."**

**Now, Sensei, you could've worded that in a WAY more appropriate way. Just sayin'…**

**Also, there's a special something I want to tell you at the end of this, so IF YOU DO NOT READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES, PLEASE READ THE ONE ON THIS CHAPTER!**

**Disclaimer: I think that if people would stop bitching about copyright, the world would be wonderful.**

"_Aw, they look kinda cute!" *le swoon*_

"_Um… I guess so…"_

"_Okay, so after this, I got this thing from Japan."_

"_That's interesting but what are those?"_

"_I have no idea. Just be happy I didn't show you his second idea…"_

"_Well now I want to know!"_

_*le shows drawing of suggestion*_

"… _Is that a cat tail?"_

**Friday morning, America's house**

It was the Day of Judgment. No, not like the end of the world. It was that day where our favorite bubbly American and creepy Russian find out if they were actually cured of their curse or if this was just a break…

Alfred (you know something changed if I'm using the human names) yawned and blinked his eyes open to find a fluffy grey wolf snoring right next to him. At first, he thought nothing of it and just went back to sleep.

Realization in 3… 2… 1…

"_HOLY UNICORN POTATOES!"_ Alfred's eyes shot open. He jumped up in bed and looked down at himself to see that he was also a wolf, only with fur the same color as his hair. He already knew that he most likely kept Nantucket and the glasses fur design he had as a cat. Alfred sighed. _"I knew it wouldn't last…"_

Disappointed, Alfred nudged Ivan to wake him up. The Russian dog/wolf-thing just turned away and growled. Alfred tried being gentle and nudging him again. Still, there was no response. Alfred frowned and bit his partner. This time he got a reaction. Which wasn't exactly the one he wanted…

Ivan pounced on him and they both fell out of bed. Then Ivan had Alfred pinned to the ground and trembling. _"Um… Dude, it's me! Don't look at me like that, please!"_

Ivan answered with a roar-like growl in the face. Then he opened his mouth as if he were about to bite Alfred's head off. Alfred tried to sink into the ground. And then…

Ivan licked his face. Alfred blinked. _"Huh- What?"_

That was when Ivan sat up on started laughing out loud in his weird dog laugh. Alfred glared at him. _"You son of a barrel! Did you seriously just do that?!"_

"_Da! And 'Son of a barrel'? Is that some kind of insult you came up with?"_

"_No, it's an insult in Sweden."_

"_Really?"_

"_No."_

The two wolves heard some noise downstairs. It was a lot like the sound of breaking plates. Alfred's eyes widened. _"Oh no, not my kitchen!"_ He dashed downstairs and into the kitchen to see a rather unexpected visitor. Ivan followed him and smiled when he saw her. _"Katyusha?!"_ he barked aloud. Ukraine swiftly tuned to see who barked and gasped at the sight of the dogs. She kneeled down to their level and petted them. "Aw, how cute! Where did you come from?"

"_Upstairs…"_ Ivan grumbled. Alfred, however, yipped happily. Katyusha hugged him. "Especially you, you little energetic ball of fur!" She hugged the poor American dog, suffocating him with her melons. Ivan just stared at them until she let the other wolf go. When he was freed from the literal death hug, Alfred's tongue hung out of his mouth and the pupils of his eyes were heart shaped. Ivan growled and smashed Alfred's head to the ground with one huge paw, much like Germouser on that one episode of Nekotalia. _"Do not drool over my sister, Alfredka. Remember that you are in a relationship!"_

"_Ugh… I already feel like I've been married to you for five years…"_

Katyusha interrupted their conversation by laying two plates of bacon on the ground. Alfred drooled at the bacon while Ivan just sniffed and poked it with his new nifty nose. He sneezed when some grease got on it. Katyusha smiled. "You two are so cute! I wonder where Alfred went, though. We were supposed to talk about political matters… Oh well, I guess I'll just take care of his dogs, eh?"

"_You sound like my brother."_ Alfred barked before devouring his bacon. Ivan glared at Alfred before looking at his sister for a brief moment. Then, he finally decided to eat his bacon. A little fat wouldn't hurt, right? There was one problem, though.

His plate was empty. All that was left was grease stains. The first thing Ivan assumed was that Alfred had eaten it, so he turned to him. And, Walla! Alfred was nomming on Ivan's bacon. Well, that was predictable.

Ivan frowned as Alfred innocently gazed up at him. _"What?"_

"_You ate my bacon!"_ That was when Ivan attacked the other dog. Or was it a wolf? I'm calling them really big dogs now, okay? Katyusha gasped and separated them. "No fighting! I will put you in time out if you do so!"

Alfred stuck out his tongue at her. Let's just say that she wasn't very happy about that…

*THE BRITISH ARE COMING*

Natalia and Li were having a rather fun time at a certain restaurant. Le gasp! It was the same restaurant that Alfred and Ivan went to! That same wimpy waitress went up to them, pale and nervous. You see, the waiters were playing rock, paper, scissors to see who would serve them. Li didn't seem too bad, but Natalia looked rather intimidating. That poor, unlucky waitress lost the game (and now you all lost the game! I'm a troll, aren't I?).

"Hello! Are you two on a date?"

"Yes." Natalia answered bluntly. Li didn't answer. The waitress laughed nervously. "Well, that's wonderful! So, may I help you to some drinks?"

"Yes ma'am. I'll take some red wine and he'll have some hot tea. The waitress nodded and scurried off into the kitchen. Smiling, the two of them continued in conversation.

"So, Li, are you really and explosives expert?"

"_Yes. I love fireworks and watching things blow up. I once blew up an outhouse in America. The FBI and CIA are still after me."_

"That is amazing! Maybe after this, we could set up some fireworks and watch the explosives!"

"_That sounds awesome! I will help you make the best fireworks! I even have a dragon one!"_

"That sounds romantic!"

"Yo, are you talking to a wall or something? That guy isn't saying anything to you!" some random dude in the restaurant shouted at her. Natalia took out and knife and threw it in his direction…

… Barely missing the waitress' head. And do you know what happened next? She fainted again.

And that ended up in chaos.

*HAMBURGER STREET*

"Thanks for bailing me out of jail." Natalia smiled at her boyfriend. Li grinned and kicked his legs on the park bench, watching the fireworks go off in the large grass field. The couple decided to relax after their really short jury trail. (This ended with Natalia irritably flinging her knife at the judge, despite all her stuff being confiscated.)

They continued to watch stuff blow up in peace. Now that, my friends, is romance.

**Did you expect the dog/wolf things? How about the return of the nervous waitress? Yeah… I kinda have writer's block…**

**So, here's the message: I'm planning on making another story after this one (besides the Stalker Song one) so I wanted you to vote on which shall come next! Most likely, these will all be written if I remember, but which should come first?**

**Choice 1: Man's Best Friend**

**This is a GerIta story about the bond between a man and his dog. Here is the summary: **Feliciano had gotten a puppy for his birthday. However, this dog never played, chased his tail, or even got excited. However, the contract told him not to feed this dog beer. But, why?

**Not what it sounds like. This is not a human/animal relationship. There is a reason why he shouldn't feed this dog beer…**

**Now for story #2: 2055**

**This story has multiple pairings (RusAme, FrUK, GerIta, TurkGree, etc.) about aliens invading the world.**

**Summary: **It is the year 2055 when the aliens invade. Now it's up to some of the remaining human survivors: Alfred, Ivan, Francis, and Arthur including their rouge alien friend Tony to defeat the most powerful alien of them all: Steve.

**This is an adventure story that is pretty much what it says: Defeating an advanced alien power. I thought it'd be cool to write Si-Fi!**

**And, story #3: Diary of a Nation**

**Summary: **The leaders of our nations of the world are sick and tired of their own country storming into the capital building and destroying everything there. So every single one of them gather around and come up with another way for these countries to express their feelings: A diary.

**And you know the nations wouldn't be too happy about that. But, if their boss says they have to do it, they do it. And they come to learn that these diaries aren't so bad… This is an experiment with 1****st**** person POV.**

**So, what do you think? I have the first chapters of all of these already thought out. When I finish this (which isn't going to be long from now) I will start on those! What won? What's next? You decide! EPIC FANFICTIONS OF HISTORY!**

**I also feel like I'm forgetting something vital that I should explain… Oh well…**

**So, with that out of the way, see ya!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	29. It's a Dog Eat Dog World Out There

**I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK! And I have a whole new chapter! Honestly, I have nothing new to say…**

**Disclaimer: Look, I don't own Hetalia, I don't own Freaky Friday, I don't own the idea of some of these transformations, and I certainly don't own Kellogg's Frosted Flakes which has nothing to do with anything. Now read the fanfiction! READ!**

"_Francis, I'm running out of ideas…"_

"_Then maybe we should stop after next transformation, non?"_

"_I guess… I just feel like something really bad is gonna happen…"_

"_Like what?"_

_*cue a flower pot falling out of nowhere and landing on England's head*_

"…"

**Saturday, Washington DC, in front of a pet shop**

"Now I want you two to be good little dogs while I get supplies. Alfred must've gotten you guys recently. There was no dog stuff for you! Only cat food… Oh well! I guess I'll help him! Don't go anywhere!" Katyusha smiled and skipped into the pet shop. Alfred and Ivan exchanged glances and nodded. Then they squeezed their heads through their collars before walking off.

"_Psh! Don't go anywhere. Whatever, man."_

"_Alfredka, don't mock my sister."_

The two of them bickered as they walked on. That is, until Alfred's stomach grumbled. _"Aw man, I'm starving!"_ He caught sight of a McDonalds. _"They won't serve me if I'm a dog… Unless…!"_

Alfred knew he was going to hate himself in the morning for this, but he dashed into the alleyway next to the McDonalds where the trash cans and dumpsters lie, abandoning the oblivious Ivan. It was just a quick snack, right?

Alfred cautiously made his way to the main dumpster, where he spotted a half-eaten Big Mac! Someone's desperate…

Hopping up on the garbage, Alfred leaned down to take a bite…

…to see that the hamburger moved away from him. Alfred growled and tried again with no avail. He continued to chase the burger until it finally stopped. Grinning, he leaned down again to take a bite.

But he was stopped by some wiry collar like thing. He slowly turned his head up and was eye-to-eye with a dog catcher. _"Oh crud…"_

"Hello there, little doggy! Are you ready to go behind bars?" the dog catcher said in a sickly-sweet sadistic tone. The grin on his face would've put the Cheshire cat to shame. Alfred growled. _"No. Why would I want that? That probably means I have to look at your hideous face every day."_

The dog catcher cackled and jerked the collar with the stick thingy to lead Alfred to the pound van. Alfred made sure to bite the man at every chance he got on the way there.

*ZE LEEK! IT COMPELLZ YOU! COMPELLLLLLZZZZZ*

As for Ivan, he was busy trying to find Alfred in the same alleyway he lost him. _"I cannot believe he just ran away from me! I swear when I find him again, I'm going to be giving him what for!"_

Ivan continued to grumble and search the area until he ran into a wall. Well, it wasn't a wall, but it sure did feel like one…

But alas, it was just a Rottweiler with its friends, the German Shepard and the Pitt Bull! How wonderful! They must want to play!

"_Hey, Fang, take a look at this! It's a measly Husky!"_ the Pitt Bull said to the Rottweiler. The Rottweiler, whose name is supposedly Fang, chuckled. _"He looks new, Death! Let's show 'em who the masters of this block are!"_

"_Yeah! We'll shown him who's boss!" _ The German Shepard butted in. Both Fang and Death hit him across the head and shouted, _"Shut up, Bruce!"_

Ivan just stared at the three of them with his trademark smile. _"Are you three trying to challenge me to a fight?"_

"_Technically, yes." _ Death growled. They all took a step forward. Worried about their health, Ivan warned them. _"If you dare try to touch me, your brains will be spilling all over the sidewalk and your legs will be hanging off your bodies. I will personally rip out your eyes and stuff them down your throat so you can watch me split your jaws in half. This is my warning to you."_ Ivan continued to smile and talk sweetly as he said that.

The three dogs exchanged a few glances before laughing out loud. _"Yeah, of course buddy. Now let's sick 'em!" _Fang growled. They all cornered poor Ivan to the back of the alley. Ivan didn't back down. He stood tall and kept his smile, straining it a bit. _"You have been warned."_

Fang ignored him and went straight for the neck. Ivan dodged and tripped him, causing him to land in a puddle of dumpster water. Before Ivan could finish him, Death bit his front leg before ramming into him. Ivan slowly rose from his fall and bit Death in the neck. Crying out, Death scratched at Ivan.

Fang crept up behind the oblivious Ivan grinning like a Cheshire cat. He silently stepped behind Ivan and then pounced on him, giving him a lethal bite. Ivan cried out in pain. But before he fell, he bit deep into Death's neck once more, only this time ripping out his skin.

Death was silent. He toppled down on the cement ground, painting it red with blood. Ivan, who was already down, smiled at his achievement and closed his eyes to the panicky sounds of Fang and Bruce. Come to think of it, Bruce didn't fight at all…

"_HEY WAIT A MINUTE! GET AWAY FROM ME!" _Ivan's eyes shot open when he heard the sounds of Fang crying aloud. It took every little bit of strength he had left to get up and turn to see what was going on. His eyes widened at the sight.

"_Aphrodite?!"_

Aphrodite smiled and waved before mauling Fang's face with surprisingly tough and sharp claws. _"H-How did you…"_ Ivan was at a loss of words.

The pampered cat picked up a giant rock and smashed it down on Fang's head. Then she glared at Bruce, taking a step forward. Bruce looked around frantically before dashing away faster than a car with his tail between his legs.

Aphrodite smiled as she stepped up to Ivan. _"So I see that you're picking fights with other dogs, huh Ivan?"_

"_How did you find me? How do you know…?"_

"_Mr. Cuddles told me about how you guys turned into dogs. Sparta and I were taking a walk around the area until we heard the sound of dog fighting."_

"_Why didn't Sparta come along to help?"_

"_I threatened to bash his brains out if he tried to help. He knows of my strength now since we're a couple. I may or may not have gone a little too far when we argued about feeding the kids…"_

Ivan blinked. _"Well thanks… I wouldn't have had a chance after this bite… By the way, have you seen Alfred?"_

"_Why yes I have! He went to this very alleyway a little while ago and starting chasing a hamburger. After that, he got caught by the dog catcher."_

"_And you did nothing about it?!"_

"_Well we were busy going to save you. Besides, Sparta is currently caring for the kids."_

Ivan let out a sigh. _"I cannot believe this…"_

Thanking Aphrodite once more, Ivan made his way to the dog pound.

*I LIKE TRAINS*

Alfred groaned. He couldn't believe he just ended up in the pound. He just couldn't. Not only that, but he was thrown in a cage right between an annoying Chihuahua and a huge-ass grumpy bulldog. Yep, this sucks.

"_I wonder if Katyusha is okay… I hope she's still in that pet shop. Though I highly doubt it…"_

Right after Alfred let out that thought, an ugly, yet fierce looking man stepped up to his cage and grinned. "Well you look like a tough guy! We'll take you out there!"

"_Wait, what? Out where? What are you talking about?!"_

He opened Alfred's cage and quickly wrapped a spiked collar tightly around his neck before grabbing it and jerking Alfred out towards a stadium. The dog's eyes widened at the sight: Hundreds of people in the stands, watching over a small dirt arena! What is this?!

"Welcome to the Dog-Fight Extravaganza! Today we have a new challenger: Bluefang!" a voice from the speakers shouted aloud. Alfred gasped. _"DOG-FIGHTING?! ISN'T THAT ILLEGAL? YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! AND WHAT KIND OF NAME IS BLUEFANG?"_

Sadly, Alfred was ignored and his struggles to get out of the collar were fruitful. The commentator spoke again. "And Bluefang will be fighting our personal favorite!" The whole audience shouted out the mantra of "Snuggles! Snuggles! Snuggles! Snuggles!"

Alfred raised an eyebrow at the name. _"Snuggles? What kind of name is that? Well I guess it won't be that bad. A dog with that name is probably weak."_

"That's right, audience! Here's Snuggles!" After the commentator stopped talking, there was a banging sound on the other side of the arena. Something kept on smashing through a wooden doggy door in the wall. Alfred gulped. _"Aw, shit."_

Snuggles burst in through the wall, making the audience cheer with glee. Now, Snuggles was no weak dog. He had a full set of dagger-like teeth and the body of an ox. His eyes glowed a reddish color and seemed to glare into the deepest, darkest parts of Alfred's soul. His sleek, black fur was covered with the dry blood from earlier battles. And his claws were sharper than that of a cat's!

Yep, that's definitely a weak dog, Alfred.

Snuggled charged over to poor Alfred, who whimpered and ran away. Snuggles chased him around in circles for quite some time. That is, until the audience got bored. Snuggles seemed to hate it when they went' "Boo! This sucks!"

So he stopped in his tracks and let Alfred run straight into him. Snuggles whipped around and bit Alfred's face. Alfred stepped back and whimpered in pain. The other dog just stopped trying to fight him. Growling, Snuggles said to Alfred, _"Will you fight back? I need some entertainment! You can't just sit there you weak, puny, fatass scum! I do not need to fight a pansy!"_

Something about those words sparked something within Alfred. It caused a fiery anger that couldn't be put out. Alfred stood to his full height, growling. Although the growling sounded more like a huge motor engine. _"What the HELL did you say to me?!"_

Snuggles whimpered. _"Uh-oh…"_

The audience gasped and hissed in pain for what they saw. Alfred mauled poor little Snuggles until he seemed about dead (That's an understatement). He had beaten the champion dog to a pulp and then some. Alfred, however, wasn't done yet! He went straight for the dog trainers and pounced on them, biting off their faces. Then he dashed out the exit, ripping the collar off on the way there.

*DID YOU KNOW THAT LEMONS HAVE MORE SUGAR IN THEM THAN STRAWBERRIES?*

Ivan continued to search the town for his beloved that was surely doomed to the lead pipe. Or maybe, if he's lucky, the metal faucet. He had been treated of his wounds thanks to the affectionate, yet secretly violent Aphrodite.

He really hoped his sister wasn't done shopping. Although he highly doubted it…

"_Where is that idiot?"_ Ivan growled under his breath. Then there was the sound of excited barking. Could it be…?

"_Alfred!"_

"_Ivan!"_

Alfred playfully pounced on Ivan and licked his face. Then they stopped and stared at each other. Both of them were covered in blood. Alfred was the first to speak. _"What happened to you?!"_

"_I should be asking you the same thing…"_

"_I got caught by dog-fighters. I thought it was just the pound…"_

"_Oh no, did you get hurt?"_

"_Most of the blood on me is the other dog's."_

"_Is that so?"_

"_I'm telling you the full truth! He started insulting me so I got really angry! Ask the author!"_

"_Ask the what?"_

"_Nevermind. What happened to you?"_

"_Three dogs ganged up on me in the alley I was searching for you in."_

"_Oh man I feel terrible for walking away from you… Please forgive me!"_

"_Fine, but don't do that again."_ Ivan couldn't hold a grudge against Alfred for very long nowadays. But with the other nations, he tends to dwell on things…

The two of them took a little trip back to the pet store and were both surprised that the collars and Katyusha's car were still there. Alfred and Ivan put their collars back on and pretended to sit down obediently. Katyusha stepped out of the pet store with her hands full of supplies. First, she stumbled to the car and threw everything inside. She then skipped happily towards the dogs and removed their leashes from the bike rack that stood in front of the pet store. She didn't notice the blood and wounds on the dogs until she smiled down to them. That smile quickly disappeared.

"Oh no, what happened to you two? Nevermind that, I'm taking you straight to the vet!"

Alfred and Ivan both whimpered at those last words. The words that all pets fear: _"THE VET?!"_

**And thus, the super long chapter ends! I know everything seemed violent but I just felt like throwing that in there. So let's see how the vet deals with these maniacs! Until next time…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	30. Whodunit

**Oh man I'm surprised I got this in… It's just that school and projects and Halloween parties and field trip and just life snatched my attention away from this. Anyway, I give you chapter now.**

**Disclaimer: I'm starting to question if I even own myself.**

"_I think I should stop calling Alfred fat…"_

"_Why is that, mon cheri?"_

"_Did you see what he did to that dog?"_

"_Non, I fell asleep."_

"_What? How could you fall asleep from the sound of DOGFIGHTING?!"_

"_Zzzzzzzzzzzzz…"_

"_HEY ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO ME?!"_

**Outside the vet clinic, Washington DC**

"_That was the most terrible experience I have ever been through in my entire life."_ Alfred grumbled as Katyusha pulled him and Ivan out of the vet clinic with the leash. Ivan nodded in agreement.

"_Da, that was not very pleasant at all. Especially when they suggested neutering… But at least you didn't get a cone around your neck."_ Ivan tried to scratch at the white disk-like cone to get it off until Katyusha scolded him. Ivan growled and Alfred chuckled at that.

"_You do look like an idiot with that."_

"_Spasibo, that makes me feel so much better."_ Ivan deadpanned.

"_Hey, at least they didn't stick a thermometer up your-"_

"Okay guys, I'm taking you back to Alfred's place. I need you to be good because I have to go back to my country and leave you there in the house." Katyusha picked both of them up and gently set them down in the car.

*IT'S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN*

After Katyusha left them at the house, Alfred went to go check on Mr. Cuddles. Ivan followed. They searched for her throughout the house until they found her in Alfred's broom closet. It's not what you think.

Mr. Cuddles was cuddling with Athens. Alfred opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. Ivan kept his mouth shut also. It wasn't until ten seconds after they opened the closet that Mr. Cuddles noticed them.

"_Oh, hi there! Um… I can explain?"_

"_An explanation isn't necessary."_ Alfred smiled and Mr. Cuddles shrugged. Athens didn't say a word. Then Mr. Cuddles decided to ask them something that's been irritating her for a while.

"_Hey, guys do you know who's transforming you into all these different forms?"_

"_Sadly no we don't." _Ivan replied. Alfred growled. _"If I knew who was doing this, they would've been ground to a pulp long ago."_

"_Oh, well I think I have an idea as to who is doing this. They have to have some kind of magic. I can sense it. How many other nations or people do you know that have magic?"_

"_Well there's Norway and Iceland… And Finland has Christmas miracle magic…"_ Alfred suggested.

"_I know General Winter would play such a trick on us…"_ Ivan rubbed his chin.

"_My daughter Louisiana knows voodoo, but she never met Ivan before…"_

"_Africa and the Middle East are known for their connection with animals and psychic powers."_

"_What about the Kirklands? They have black magic."_

"_Alfred, I think you might be right! But we're going to need proof first…"_

They both sat there for a moment, thinking about how they are going to do this. Then Alfred grinned. Ivan, Mr. Cuddles, and Athens all exchanged confused/worried glances.

*AND IT GOES A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS*

"I demand you give me sunglasses or I will have to force my friend Ivan on you." Alfred typed into the evil speak and spell he used as a cat, growling at the clerk who worked at the sunglasses shop. The clerk looked at him weirdly. "I'm sorry, but I cannot serve a dog and his cone-head friend. The boss tells us to only help people. Besides, there are no pets allowed. Haven't you read the sign on the door?"

"I don't read signs, mister. I am an AMERICAN SHOPPER and I believe I deserve to be served. I am going to ask you once more. Can I buy those pairs of aviator sunglasses?" Alfred set down $200 on the table.

"No." was the clerk's simple reply. Alfred growled once more before suddenly making the smuggest of smiles. "Okay," he typed in, "Ivan, destroy him."

The clerk widened his eyes as the grey wolf-like dog pounced on him and knocked him to the ground. Alfred waltzed past the fight as if nothing was going on, then he took the sunglasses in his mouth and started for the exit. "Come on Ivan. That's enough." Ivan trotted up to Alfred with an innocent smile and absolutely no marks. Alfred still couldn't take Ivan seriously with that cone around his neck…

As soon as they stepped out of the store, they saw Athens and Mr. Cuddles gathering secret agent gadgets. Lasers, headsets, ties, grabbling hook… Yep, they were ready. Alfred put on his aviator sunglasses and grinned.

"Let's do this."

**SUPER ULTRA SHORT CHAPTER, EH?! Well don't worry, for next chapter will be longer. This one was just supposed to show you that I'm still alive and will commit to this story. We're coming close to the ending of the story, guys. One more transformation before 2P and then…?**

**I was going to do the vet scene, but… meh. See where laziness gets us? Well, since that's all I have to say, bless yo face and if you sneezed while reading this, bless you!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	31. Mission Impossible

**Hello once again audience! My name is- well I don't wanna write it out. So the election just happened. Although I'm not old enough to vote, I still stood out there in the cold for about an hour or so with my parents! Now I don't want to start any political arguments and I respect anyone's opinion. So, in celebration, I'm giving you a chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Hey, maybe, one day I'll own something. Like a car, or something…**

"_Oh no… They're on to us! Francis! Get me my spell book before our heads end up being trophies on America's wall!"_

"_Isn't the whole 'head on the wall' stereotype Canada's thing?"_

"_FRANCIS!"_

"_Fine, calm yourself. All that stress is gonna give you grey hair. Trust me, Angleterre, only Russia would look good with grey hair." *le hands over book*_

"_Whatever, Frog. Now where's my 'Knockout' spell?"_

**Monday, Edinburgh, Scotland, Afternoon, Scotland's house**

Athens narrowed his grey eyes to slits, not taking his eyes off of the drunken Scottish man. It wasn't much of a challenge getting inside the house. All Athens had to do was go in through the opened door. Scotland didn't even notice. In fact, Scotland was barely holding on to consciousness.

Athens snuck past him over to the basement door. Using his claws to unlock it, he easily slipped inside. After a dangerous journey down the huge steps, Athens didn't even have to search the basement, for there was medieval castle magic and history everywhere. He trotted up to the podium that sat there in the middle of the basement. A book sat upon it.

"Hmm… Interesting..." Athens flipped through the book, speed reading for any body-switching spells. And then, there it was! However, there was a problem…

The spell never said anything about other transformations. It only said body-switching. Athens sighed and took out his spy phone (cue epic split-screen). "Alfred-"

"The name is Dark Eagle, Snow White!"

Athens (Snow White) sighed heavily. "Dark Eagle, Scotland, although not confirmed, is not guilty. He has no spell that matches your condition. In fact, most of the spells have to do with sheep and bagpipes…"

"Alright, Snow White you can get out of that house and head for London. We'll meet up and check our progress."

"Rodger that, sir."

*STAND BY ME*

**Belfast, N. Ireland, around the same time**

As for Mr. Cuddles, she had a little problem getting into Northern Ireland's house. N. Ireland was smart enough to lock his doors. So, Mr. Cuddles had to resort to going through the air conditioning system. Now she found herself crawling through the vents. (cue Mission Impossible theme playing)

"I can't believe this guy! Who the hell locks their door in the middle of the day when they're home?! Are there some idiotic thieves that would dare go into you home in midday with you in there over here in this wretched country? I swear, if this man turns on the AC, I'm clawing his eyes out as soon as I get out of here!" Mr. Cuddles continued to complain to herself until she reached a vent. "Ah, here we go." She peeked through the vent to see what was going on. There she saw it: N. Ireland stirring stuff in a cauldron.

"Aye, this be a good meal for the fairies! But why must they come to my home?" N. Ireland complained as he struggled to stir the pot. Mr. Cuddles snorted. "Pshaw! Fairies don't exist!"

"Is that so? Does that mean that I am a simple figment of someone's imagination?" a voice said behind Mr. Cuddles. The cat reacted by attempting to jump from shock, but instead bumped her head. That bump apparently gave her some sense. "W-who said that?"

"I did."

Mr. Cuddles turned around to come face to face with a fairy. She gasped. "Y-you're a fairy!"

"Indeed I am!" the fairy cheerfully did backflips in the air. Mr. Cuddles suddenly got an idea. "Hey, fairy-"

"The name's Navi."

"Navi, please tell me more about N. Ireland and his magical powers!"

"Well, he really loves the innocent side of black magic…"

And so Mr. Cuddles listened on to see if anything useful will come out of that fairy's mouth.

*OH, OH, OH IT'S MAGIC*

**Cardiff, Wales, around the same time again**

Ivan didn't sneak up to the house so easily with that huge cone around his neck. In fact, Wales noticed him right away, giving him a look of pity. "Blimy! Look at you, helpless thing!" Wales said in a rather loud voice. Ivan flinched when the Welsh man reached out for the cone thing and pulled it off. Wales smiled. "What the bloody hell happened to you? Did ya get in a dogfight? That's bullocks!"

Ivan was thoroughly confused at the British slang being used there but he got the gist of it. Ivan hopped up on Wales and licked his face as a "Thank you" in dog language. Wales chuckled and invited Ivan inside. "Come on, fella! I'll make you some smashing good grub!"

As Ivan followed the man inside, he looked around for anything suspicious. Although Wales seemed like he genuinely had no idea the dog was Ivan, he was still a suspect. Some of those from the UK can be expert actors. But then, Ivan started reasoning in his head. Why would Wales do that? What would be his motives of this curse?

"Aye, here you go, ya little bugger!" Ivan's thoughts were interrupted by Wales setting down rather delicious looking scones. The smell instantly convinced him to chow down. There was one problem, though. Smell does not always judge taste. It turns out that the terrible cooking skills run through the Kirkland family and Ivan almost broke a tooth trying to eat. Wales seemed too busy with his paperwork to hear Ivan whimper. The Russian dog eventually resorted to barking and pawing at the door until bidding the innocent Welsh man farewell. He took out his spy headset thing and put it on.

"Dark Eagle, Wales is innocent. This man has no intentions whatsoever."

"Wow, Russian Blue… Well that leaves one guy… Get over here! I'm calling the cats too!"

"Rodger that, Dark Eagle."

*I RAN OUT OF TRANSITIONS*

They all stood in front of England's house, staring at it. Then Mr. Cuddles asked, "What's the problem? Why can't you get in? That looks way too easy!"

"Mr. Cuddles, I want you to run up to that house as fast as you can." Alfred simply replied. Mr. Cuddles and the others were greatly confused. But she did not protest and did as she was told. Alfred may be a dog, but he's still her owner that feeds her and takes care of her.

Mr. Cuddles dashed towards the house at blinding speed before crashing into something invisible. The others gasped as Alfred calmly waltzed up to the unconscious Mr. Cuddles. "He created a force field."

"So how do you expect us to get in?" Athens questioned. Before Alfred could respond, Ivan stepped up. "This is easy, da?"

The Russian dog slowly made his way towards the force field before glaring at it. His aura started growing around him and the whole area's temperature dropped by 10 degrees. A crack appeared on the force field as if it were made of glass. Suddenly, the entirety of the force field shattered to bits. Alfred and Athens widened their eyes in shock. Then Alfred trotted up to Ivan, patting him on the head. "Good boy. Now let's go! C'mon, Athens!"

Athens ran ahead, wanting to catch the Englishman. But then, as soon as he got close enough, an electric shock traveled right though him, leaving him unconscious with singed fur and smoke coming out of him. Alfred and Ivan exchanged alarmed glances.

"Ivan, bro, we're gonna need another plan…"

**Well, that's about it guys! I know these chapters are short but my life is so hectic! Plus, I became addicted to the Sims. I thought it'd be funny to name four of them Alfred, Ivan, Gilbert, and Matthew. Gilbert and Matthew were my first ones, but I must say this. I decided to make them "Be romantic" as a joke. It turns out that they made a great pair… 0_0**

**Also, I made Alfred and Ivan get married. Oh why did I click on "Whoohoo"? I should've seen that one coming…**

**Oh man, Microsoft is being a real bitch right now. It wouldn't let me save anything! What a pain!**

**So, other than that, I have nothing else to say or I forgot what I was gonna say!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	32. Hamburger Meat

**Woo! Thanksgiving break! To wish you all a happy early Thanksgiving, I'll give you another chapter! Sounds fun, no?**

**Disclaimer: Refer back to all the other chapters.**

"_Angleterre, are you okay?"_

"_Gotta find the spell… Gotta find the spell…"_

"… _England?"_

"_Where is it?!"_

"_Arthur…"_

_*throws books across the room* "Useless!"_

"_Arthur."_

"_WHAT?"_

"_Remember that suggestion Japan made?"_

"_Yeah, why?"_

_*le points to the door way where a small mochi sits. It has a page from the spell book in its mouth.*_

"_Oh bullocks…"_

**Berlin, Germany, Tuesday, Germany's house**

"Ve~ Germany, look-a what I found!" Italy bounded up to Germany holding Mr. Cuddles and Athens in his arms while Alfred and Ivan stood there behind him. Germany sighed and looked up from his paperwork. His eyes widened at the sight of the animals. "Feliciano, where did you find those?"

"They were just-a walking down the street! I thought they were strays since they didn't have collars!" Italy answered with a huge smile on his face. Alfred and Ivan exchanged glances and shrugged.

They were in Germany because people love their dogs in this country and they were hoping for a morsel to eat. Athens and Mr. Cuddles both woke up earlier during their travels. Germany knelt down next to the dogs and stared into their eyes. "Feliciano, don't you think these dogs look a little… familiar?"

"Ve?"

"Maybe it's just me. Go make something for these dogs to eat."

Italy saluted Germany with the wrong hand and dashed off to the kitchen to make (you know what it is) pasta. Germany stood to his full height and smiled. "You're an interesting pair. I wonder where you came from…"

Alfred didn't answer because he was headed for the kitchen to eat his own food. He didn't want any pasta. Ivan didn't respond because he was too busy sniffing around. It's been a while since he's been to Germany's house. Mr. Cuddles and Athens decided to go to sleep since they knew Germany didn't really care for cats.

While Feliciano was cooking, Alfred snuck past the oblivious Italian and searched the counter for something with meat. And then he found it. A bunch of hamburgers sat there in a heated hidden area of the kitchen. Alfred grinned. _So Germany keeps a secret stash, eh?_

America already knew that Germany liked hamburgers. He invented them! So it was no surprise to Alfred that Germany would keep a lot of them to himself. After making sure no one was looking, Alfred munched away.

Ivan didn't really care about what everyone else was doing. He was just glad that that stupid cone thing was off of him. Ivan had an itch right where the cone was blocking him so he had the greatest feeling after scratching that itch.

Germany was walking into the kitchen to make sure Italy wasn't making a mess or doing anything stupid when he saw Alfred digging into his secret stash. "Hey, get out of there!" He dashed over and pulled Alfred away from the leftover hamburgers. About half of the burgers where left after Alfred was pulled away. Italy, curious as to what the commotion was about so he turned around and looked in the hidden area. He gasped at the sight of all the hamburgers.

"Um… I can explain." Germany said nervously to Italy. The Italian looked utterly confused. "Ludwig why are there hamburgers here? And why have I never seen this? And why are you all nervous and sweaty? And-" the smuggest grin spread across Italy's face. Alfred snickered.

"Feliciano, it is not what you think it is!" Ludwig protested.

Italy kept that smug look.

"I'm serious!"

Ivan now walked into the kitchen and started snickering with Alfred.

"Listen to me Feli- LISTEN TO ME!"

Feliciano finally responded. "You like-a hamburgers, don't you Ludwig?"

There was a moment of silence before Alfred, Ivan, and the cats were all kicked out of the house.

"That could've gone better." Ivan groaned. The others nodded in agreement. "Hey, at least we're in Germany. We could just go beg for food." Alfred suggested. The made everyone smile.

*EVERYDAY I'M STEPPIN' ON THE BEACH*

Alfred trotted up to the first house in the next neighborhood and pawed at the door, whining. An old lady opened the door and looked down. Alfred flatted his ears against his head, made his eyes as large and sad as possible as his lower lip drooped out. Alfred made a small whining noise out of his mouth. This, of course made the old German lady coo and say something in German before going back into her house. A moment later, she came back with half of a sausage and gave it to Alfred before giving him a pat on the head and shutting the door. Alfred trotted back over to the others and dropped the sausage in front of them. "And that is how you do it, my friends! C'mon let's get beggin'"

And so they did. Mr. Cuddles and Athens mainly organized the food in a hidden area where people couldn't see while Alfred and Ivan begged at peoples' doors. From door to door, Alfred and Ivan collected a variety of foods by using a variety of begging poses. The "belly up" earned them cooing and petting as well as some bacon. The "kicked puppy" earned them some "Awww"'s and bratwurst. The "backflip" and other tricks earned them praise and hamburger meat. So, basically, Alfred and Ivan earned the team a buffet. Athens and Mr. Cuddles wanted to try, but Germans weren't huge fans of cats. All the poor kitties got were shoes thrown at them and curses. But hey, at least they still could eat!

As they ate, Alfred thought about England's magic. _Why would he curse Ivan and me? What did we do to deserve all this? Was it…? No! It can't be!_

Alfred stopped eating. "Guys, I think I know why Ivan and I are cursed!" This caught everyone's attention. "Why?" they all asked at once.

"Ivan, don't you remember France's birthday?"

_**EPIC FLASHBACK OF EPICNESS**_

_"Stop eating like a pig, Amerika. You are getting cake all over my scarf." Russia gave America one of his famous "I'm-going-to-eat-your-soul" smiles. America wasn't fazed. In fact, he was just angry. He was so angry that he decided that Russia's face should meet his cake. And do you want to know what that lead to?_

_A VERY._

_PISSED._

_OFF._

_RUSSIAN._

_Some other stuff happened, which lead to this:_

_"Ah! Stupid commie bastard!" All attention was turned to America… Who was being strangled by Russia… Who had a bullet in his shoulder. You can assume what happened between them, right?_

_"Mon dieu can you please take it outside! I don't want you two making my house messier than it already is!" France shouted while still being choked by England. America opened his mouth to protest but one look from France shut him up. "Now." France looked extremely pissed._

_Both Russia and America reluctantly shuffled out the door, grumbling._

_But what happened after the party?_

_**END FLASHBACK**_

"I am still not understanding." Ivan said. "Why not?" Alfred asked Ivan, rather angry that the other dog had to find something wrong with his reasoning.

"Well, that story would make France the culprit and he doesn't necessarily _have_ magic."

"Yeah, but aren't he and England… well… you know…" Alfred made an O shape with his left paw and inserted his index finger… digit… thing into the O. Ivan bit his lower lip (which really hurt since he had canine teeth) and looked off to the side. "I think so… But still, why would they do all that just to teach us a lesson?"

"I… don't know, man. I don't know."

The team sat there in their little den in the forest near the suburbs, thinking about their next plan of action before they turn into something else. They eventually just went to sleep, huddled up throughout the cold autumn night.

**And that's our chapter! Is it even autumn yet? I'm not keeping track of the date anymore… I made France's birthday in July because that's what my sources say, but it's got to be autumn by now, right? So, anyway, I hope you guys all have a wonderful Thanksgiving! You guys can go give reviews and I will thank you a lot! ;)**

**Also, I will give you more chapters and stories and I'm sure you'll be thankful, too! Tune in next time to see what our four furry friends will do next!**

**Yes, I did make a SpongeBob reference and a reference from the movie "Bolt" in this chapter. Can you tell where they are?**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	33. May the Force be With You

**I love breaks. It makes writing so much easier…**

**Disclaimer: The only reason why I still do this is because I feel like something's missing when I don't.**

"_Francis, get the stupid thing! How hard is it to reach up and grab a little white ball thing?"_

"_Shush, I almost got it!"_

_(France currently was sitting on England's shoulders and trying to reach the mochi that was on top of an extremely high shelf. The mochi spilled acid all over the ladder if you're thinking "Why don't they just use a ladder?")_

"_MON DIEU! OWCHIEEEEEEEEE!" *le dramatically falls backwards off of England*_

"_What is wrong with you, Frog?!"_

"_It bit me…"_

**Over 1,500 meters above the center of the Atlantic Ocean, the president's private jet**

"Thank you so much for picking us up, Mr. President." Ivan typed in through the Speak-n-Spell. President Obama smiled. "It was no problem. Besides, if Alfred is missing for more than a week, I have to send out a search team anyway."

"I understand. We all know how stupid he could be, getting himself into antics." The Speak-n-Spell translated. Ivan and the president shared a good laugh before Alfred growled and typed angrily into the toy, "I can hear you guys! I'M RIGHT HERE!"

They still snickered a little before gaining their composure. Alfred sat there pouting. He was still angry that the search team tranquilized him for attacking them. It was just a joke! Sheesh…

Ivan put a paw on Alfred's shoulder and smiled. It was unclear whether or not he was gonna say something, but when he opened his mouth the radio in the plane started playing "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

And Alfred went crazy. The president sighed as Alfred started dancing in his seat. Ivan watched, amused and the cats woke up from their nap and stared at the retarded American dog. Alfred woofed along with the song and Ivan turned over to the president and tapped his shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"He does realize the meaning behind that song, right?"

"Yes, he does. That's why he likes it so much."

Ivan turned back towards Alfred and smacked the other on the back of his head. Alfred whined about how much that hurt for the rest of the ride.

*OPPA GANGNAM STYLE*

"I wanna be human again…" Alfred moaned for the millionth time. Technically, it was 73 times but it's more fun to exaggerate. Ivan growled, "I understand that you are not approving of being dogs but that does not mean that you must complain about it every five seconds!"

Ivan was ignored.

"Uuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhhhhh…"

"Alfred, SHUT UP!"

Alfred suddenly stood up, alert and oddly happy. "Dude! I know just where to find out more about this crazy magic! Follow me!"

And so Ivan did just that as Alfred led him over to a familiar room. The door had a sign on it that said "KEEP OUT" in which, of course, Ivan refused to listen to not too long ago. Man it felt like it had been a decade since they were girls… That's right guys! They were headed towards America's library.

"There's bound to be one book that has to do with black magic spells! I know that because I read it!" Alfred searched through the shelves, not even bothering with the Dewey Decimal System. Who even uses that? Alfred tried climbing up the bookshelf to reach the upper shelves. Unfortunately, the whole bookshelf just fell on top of Alfred making a huge mess of books. Ivan tried hard not to laugh as he searched a little more. And then there it was!

Ivan found an old book that seemed to have something to do with magic. The words written on the spine were too faded to tell. He pulled it out with his teeth and said with a full mouth, "Hey Alfred is this it?"

Alfred's head popped out of the book pile and turned towards Ivan. There was still an open book on his head… His eyes widened and a grin spread across his face. "That's it!" He jumped out of the rubble and dashed towards Ivan, causing the book to fall off of his head. Alfred snatched the book away from Ivan and opened it on the floor before flipping through the pages until he reached a page titled in big bold letters: **FORCE FIELDS**

"Well that is very convenient…" Ivan commented. Alfred read the page aloud. "Glass force fields are not the strongest and should be the first line of defense. Although it is invisible, it could be broken with something as simple as a hammer…"

"That's interesting. But we're looking for an electric field." Ivan said after Alfred finished reading. Alfred glared at him and continued reading, just to spite the other. "Light force fields are just as weak as glass, only this time they should be broken by the slightest touch. Anything with more force makes it stronger."

"Alfredka are you listening to me?"

"Flame fields can burn you when you make contact. Fire extinguishers and water magic can easily stop them."

"Alfredka, we need electric fields!"

"Shut up Ivan, I'm looking at the others just in case we come across them. Water fields don't do anything but make you wet, so that's no challenge. Dark force fields use dark force to shoot back anything that makes contact. It is the strongest and most durable one and the only thing that can defeat them is light magic. Electric fields…"

Ivan perked up at the word 'electric'.

"These are quite difficult to deal with due to their electric shock when one attempts to pass through it. It usually had a button to power it off but a smart person would keep that button within the field so no one could turn it off. There is one flaw, though. Birds, mainly pigeons, can pass through because they are stupid enough to go through. The head wizards of black magic made it so that birds are immune to the electric shock so they can safely pass through with passing out from shock. Passing out is a nice way of saying die, by the way." Alfred finished reading and sighed. "Perfect. C'mon Iv, let's go get a bird."

*ANOTHER ONE BITES THE DUST*

"Coo? What exactly do you suppose I'm supposed to do here?" the pigeon asked Alfred and Ivan once they made it to London, England. That was a really long ride… Those poor dogs are unaware that England is still in Washington DC chasing a mochi.

"I want you to fly into that house, find a big red button with the word 'off' on it, and push it. Is that understood?"

The pigeon nodded and flew inside with no problem. About a minute later, the bird returned with smile and confirmed that they could pass. Ivan and Alfred walked inside and searched up and down the house to realize that England wasn't in this house. Alfred growled. "Oh god, he's at my place, isn't he?"

**This chapter may be short, but that's only 'cause I'm aiming for 1,234 words. I just think it will be cool. So…**

**Next: Alfred and Ivan fly back to pumble England.**

**Hasta la pasta! **


	34. L'Amour is in the Air!

**I officially love my Social Studies teacher. Not only did she allow me to do a country project on Russia, but she also ships FrUK. You see, she was talking to us about Great Britain in all its glory and went on the subject of France, saying, "Now France and England over here have a love-hate relationship."**

**Me and my Hetalian friends just looked at each other and smiled.**

**So, with that out of the way, here is your chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Own anything, I do not. That's Yoda talk for I do not own anything!**

"_I give up! I'll just have to turn them into something harmless before they try to beat me to a pulp!"_

"_Angleterre, we have visitors!"_

"_Oh bullocks…"_

**Friday, England's American House, Washington DC, 5:00 am**

Alfred burst in through the front door of England's house, very pissed off. Ivan calmly followed behind with the cats. France screamed like a girl and hid behind the terrified Englishman. Both Alfred and Ivan were still dogs despite it being Friday. And boy, were France and England in for a beating!

"_TURN US BACK TO NORMAL OR I'LL KILL YOU!"_ Alfred roared, causing even Ivan to flinch. England nearly relieved himself in his pants at Alfred's barking and took out his wand. "Okay, I'll turn you guys back to normal, because I'm assuming that's what you want. But please don't hurt me! This was all France's idea in the first place! I just performed the magic!"

All eyes were on poor France, who chuckled nervously. "I was only trying to let you guys get along, maybe just a few transformations and then you guys could be done with! It is England who took things too far!"

"Shut it you bloody frog! Don't put your blame on me!"

"Mon cher, you did take it too far!"

"You started this mess!"

"_WILL YOU TWO SHUT UP?!"_ Alfred growled before jumping to pounce on England. The Briton quickly took out his wand and fired a blast at Alfred. A blinding light flashed throughout the house and disappeared after a few seconds. Once the light faded, Alfred and Ivan realized that they were smaller than the cats! Plus, they were not dogs anymore, but instead round white creatures of some sort. Alfred looked around, confused. "What?"

"Mon dieu… Angleterre that was supposed to wait." France sighed and observed the mochis. Ivan had the same purple eyes, aura, and scarf while Alfred had the same electric blue eyes, Nantucket, glasses and was holding a tiny American flag. Alfred looked down at himself before glaring up at England and shouting, "What the fuck?! What is this? I don't even… I KILL YOU!"

The American mochi jumped up to somehow attack the Englishman's face, which scared England into pointing his wand and firing a laser out of it, shouting in panic, "TELEPORTATION!"

In a second, both Alfred and Ivan were wiped out by the laser and all that was left was a singed, tiny, American flag. France gasped before saying, "Mon dieu, what did you do?!" England rolled his eyes. "Don't get your nickers in a twist. I just sent them off somewhere else."

"Where?"

"That, Francis, is something I cannot answer. But hopefully, it's far away…"

*CAN'T TOUCH THIS*

**Hong Kong, China, the city of Hong Kong, not the personification, same day, 6:30 pm**

Oh Alfred and Ivan went pretty far, to the city of Hong Kong, to be specific. And guess where they teleported? Right in between Belarus and Hong Kong, who were just about to kiss. In a movie theatre. In the middle of a chick flick. In the bag of popcorn. Which was sitting in between the couple. Talk about timing! Both Belarus and Hong Kong glared at the two of them before Belarus hissed. "What are you two idiots doing here?"

"You know who we are? Sweet! Bro, England turned us into little white blob thingies and we need help getting back! Uh… Where are we?" Alfred said all in one breath. Hong Kong face-palmed as Ivan shook his head and whispered, "Da, sister, we really need help…"

Belarus sighed. "Fine, then… To answer your questions Alfred, first, yes. Second, we might consider helping you. Third, you're at a movie theatre, so SHUT UP!"

"SHHH!" the whole audience hissed. The quartet smiled sheepishly before whispering quietly. "So, are you two dating, or something?" Alfred whispered first.

"_Yes, Alfred." _Hong Kong glared. He seemed to be pretty pissed that their moment had been interrupted. Belarus smiled. Since no one could really see Hong Kong in the dark, she advocated. "Why of course! He much better than you would ever be, pig! And brother, dear sweet brother, I must say I have moved on."

Ivan blinked. Then he blinked again. And again… And again… And then he suddenly looked up at the ceiling with tears of joy in his eyes before shouting out, "THANK YOU LORD! THANK YOU!" Ivan jumped up and attempted to hug Hong Kong. "I love you so much right now! You do not even know! Спасибо за внимание! Вы самые лучшие! Я люблю тебя! Я люблю тебя! Я ЛЮБЛЮ ТЕБЯ! Вы не зная о том, сколько стресса вы избавили меня от! Выходи за меня замуж!" (That's Russian-according to Google Translate- for "Thank You! You are the best! I love you! I love you! I LOVE YOU! You are not knowing of how much stress you have relieved me from! Marry me!")

Alfred glared at Ivan. He understood every word of that and bit Ivan, dragging the Russian off of Hong Kong. Ivan blushed, realizing what he had just said. "Oh, um… Forgive me, Fredka?"

Alfred sighed. "Ugh… Forgiven." He can't stay mad at Ivan for too long over something like that! Belarus looked rather hurt at the whole exchange but decided against saying anything. Finally, Hong Kong said, _"We'll help you. But what purpose do they have doing this?"_

"England and France wanted to play matchmaker and we discovered them. Eyebrows got scared and shot a laser at me and Ivan and BOOM! We're here!" Alfred shouted. Belarus glared at the surrounding people that seemed to not hear what Alfred was saying before smiling and saying, "Matchmaker? Does that mean you guys are in a forced love?"

"Shhh!" the entirety of the theatre audience hissed again, making Belarus fume. Alfred said in a loud voice, "Yo, we got places to go! Things to do, people to see, come on! Let's blow this popsicle stand!"

Nobody responded and Belarus just about had it. She dragged her brother, her boyfriend, and Alfred out of the theatre. The sad thing was that the movie was all in Chinese so Belarus and half the people in there couldn't understand a word that was said…

*MADE IN CHINA*

**China's house, Beijing, Thursday morning**

Since the quartet decided to get there by taxi and walking, it took about six days. Alfred and Ivan had learned quite a bit about Natalia and Li's relationship, such as the fact that Natalia did all the talking. It was never Li. They both had a strange love for dangerous items like knives and explosives. They go together like peanut butter and jelly on a sandwich 'cause really, who ever tried peanut butter and jelly alone without bread?

Natalia and Li learned quite a bit about Alfred and Ivan's relationship as well. They were like an old married couple, constantly arguing over petty things. They went together-as a certain wise Englishman said-like chalk and cheese (which isn't very pleasant at all to taste. I don't recommend it…). Despite all this, the two of them have more in common with each other than they think!

Natalia knocked on the front door, holding Alfred and Ivan in her arms while Li just sat there daydreaming. A few seconds later, Yao Wang opened the front door. "Oh, it's you, aru. What do you want, aru?"

"Turn us back to normal, dammit! I know you have magic somewhere!" Alfred screamed. Yao just looked at him. Then he switched his gaze to Ivan. Then his eyes lit up as he snatched the two away from Natalia. "OMG YOU ARE SO KAWII, ARU!" The Chinese man then proceeded to hug the poor mochis to near death. That is, until Alfred bit his arm. "OW, ARU!" Yao exclaimed, shaking him off. "You need to be disciplined, little creature! Meet my very obedient panda!"

A familiar innocent, adorable, chubby panda came waddling up to Alfred. It stared at him until Yao commanded him to sit. The panda obeyed and got a treat. Yao grinned.

"Lie down."

Panda lay down on his stomach and received a treat.

"Roll over."

Panda obeyed.

"Stand up."

Panda stood.

"On two legs."

Panda did as told.

"Do the robot."

The panda commenced dancing like a robot and doing it quite well. Yao then said, "Speak." The panda stared at him before looking at Alfred and petting him. "'Ello, gov'ner! It is a pleasure to meet you. I know we will be seeing each other quite often now, correct?"

Everyone just stared at him. Even Yao. "I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY, PANDA!"

So after that exchange, Yao talked with Natalia and Li about… something. Alfred and Ivan were left with the bear.

"So, Panda, do you know anything about magic?" Alfred asked. The panda bear nodded. "Why, of course I do! Come." Panda led the two to the back room, which was full of many potions and medicines. Panda took a fancy bottle filled with silky pink stuff. It had white swirls within it in the shape of a heart. "This," Panda started, "is a love potion. I would stay away from it if you are already in a relationship. You could become infatuated by simply sniffing its lustrous aroma. It makes the victim fall in love with the first animal of its species regardless of gender."

"That's cool, bro, but we don't need that. You see, we are actually human… Kind of… And we need to turn back to normal!" Alfred stated. Ivan stared at the potion for a long time before getting into a daze. His violet eyes turned into a light pink color, like the substance in the potion. He heard the panda say something about looking into the potion but paid no mind. He shuffled around like a zombie and locked his gaze on Alfred. Ivan wasn't very sure what it was, but something came over him. Something made him want to pounce… And then it happened.

"By George, I've got it!" Panda exclaimed. "I found what you were looking for-" Panda stopped talking as Ivan jumped Alfred who was on the other side of him. Ivan knocked over the human potion in the process, causing it to spill all over Panda, the floor, and both mochis. Alfred screamed as Ivan smothered him with love. Panda gasped. "Oh dear… This isn't kosher…"

There was a flash of light that blinded the trio. When it faded out, Ivan and Alfred were human. Naked. In China's medicine room floor. And Ivan was still infatuated. And on top of Alfred.

As if things couldn't get any more awkward, Panda was also human, luckily dressed in was seemed like a panda fur costume. Panda had absolutely nothing to say to this. Then he looked down at Ivan and Alfred. "Um…"

"Dude, Ivan, as much as I'm kinda enjoying this, please get off of me." Alfred said meekly. Ivan smiled. "Но, любовь моя! W не может превысить! Мы просто должны сделать это прямо здесь!" (That roughly translates-yes, according to Google Translate-to "But, my love! We can't stop! Let's just do it right here!")

Alfred blushed. "Eh… I'm not really sure how to respond to that. Is France teaching you stuff?"

"He was most likely exposed to the potion. It is that strong, Alfred." Panda explained, walking up to them. "I'm glad I studied Russian or else I wouldn't be able to tell what is happening. You're going to have to think of one huge turn off in order to quickly make the spell wear out."

"Why are you human?" Alfred asked while slapping Ivan's hand away from his vital regions. "Is that relevant? Now turn him off before he does anything stupid." Panda glared at Alfred. Finally, Alfred sighed. "Fine. But how can I do that?"

"Well, what would be a major turn off for him?"

Alfred thought about it. Ivan still had his scarf. That raggedy old thing used to be pink… "Hey, Ivan, what's up with that stupid gay scarf? Got it from the commie S.W.A.G. convention?" Ivan looked a little hurt and his eyes flashed back to normal. Then they turned pink again. "I am gay…. But only for you!"

"Oh god that failed." Alfred groaned. "What now?"

"Insult him more! His flashed turned back to normal for a second!" Panda screamed. Alfred gave Ivan an apologetic look before coming up with every insult possible. He nearly made the Russian cry, but never succeeded in wearing off the spell. Then Yao entered the room.

"Aiyah, aru… Okay, what happened, aru?"

"Eh, it's quite a funny story, actually." Panda began, but was stopped by a horrified Chinese man. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO PANDA?!"

"Calm down, sir! I am Panda!"

"What kind of sick trick is this, aru?!"

"He is Panda!" Alfred stated. "You see, he got into your potions. Now he is human." Yao just noticed Alfred and Ivan on the floor. Well this is awkward… "Are you aware that you are both-"

"Yes. Yes we are. Or at least I am. Ivan was exposed to your lust potion." Alfred whined when Ivan found Nantucket. "So… yeah… TURN HIM BACK TO NORMAL!"

"I can't do that. You have to turn him off, aru."

Alfred let out an angry roar and kicked Ivan off. Ivan backed off, but his eyes didn't change. That is, until Natalia decided to show up. "Hey where's the- OH MY GOD!" Natalia freaked out and blushed at the sight of the two men. Li waltzed inside, looked at Alfred and Ivan, and then waltzed his way back out, keeping the same expression the entire time. "Y-you u-um w-what?" Natalia spluttered. She couldn't stop looking at Ivan who couldn't stop looking at Alfred who couldn't find a way to cure the Russian. Ivan crawled up to Alfred just to be pushed away. Then Alfred got an idea. He stood in front of-much to her dismay-Natalia.

"Yo, Ruski come here and give me some sugar!" He urged. Panda watched and suppressed a laugh as Ivan dashed over to Alfred and attempting to hug and kiss him. However, at the last second Alfred moved and Ivan ended up doing that to his little sister. Natalia stood there, stiff and wide-eyed. _Is this really happening?_

Too bad that moment went away when Ivan realized who he was kissing. He immediately pushed away from her and stuck out his tongue. His eyes turned back to normal and he definitely wasn't pleased. "Blech! Oh, what just happened? Why am I naked?"

"I'll explain later. But as of now, let's get dressed and book a flight to Washington DC. I'm totally kicking those idiots' asses now!"

**Alright! I know that they weren't mochis for long, but this is a long chapter. Are you happy? I'm sure you are. Well, as you've all been anticipating this next transformation for a while…**

**Oh, and the love potion thing was an idea I got a long time ago before Belarus was bunny-fied. So I thought it would be funny if Ivan got all lusty… I don't know…**

**The S.W.A.G. reference was to the actual meaning of the word 'swag'. It stands for "Secretly we are gay." Don't believe me? Look it up.**

**Next chapter: They could've sworn they got 'em!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	35. The Portal of Chaos

**Happy Apocalypse! I'm just kidding, please don't take me seriously. But I don't think our world is ending any time soon.**

**Oh, and this chapter is a little different. We will have a flashback instead of FrUK dialogue. Remember way back in the second chapter when I said that I will show them doing the spell? Well here it comes!**

**So, without further ado, here's your chapter!**

**Disclaimer: Why do I still do this?**

_England and France stepped into the eerie, smelly basement. There were all kinds of magical stuff everywhere, and there was a pentagonal shape within a circle in the center of the basement floor. In front of it was a podium with an old, dusty book that sat upon it. England slowly walked up to the podium and picked up the book, coughing a little from the dust. "I haven't used you in quite a while!"_

"_That's probably because you're too busy growing me roses and making poems." France said with a smug smile. England glared at him. "Shut up, Frog. I need to focus. You're here to spectate, understood?"_

"_Whatever."_

_England searched his spell book for a body-switching spell as France played with the strange magical sparkling liquids in beakers at the corner of the basement. He caught sight of a strange purple potion and picked it up. "What's this?"_

"_FRANCIS!" England shouted from the podium. France dropped the bottle from shock at the sudden outburst and immediately ran over to him, ignoring the spilled potion._

"_Oui?"_

"_Hold this up as I recite this spell." The Englishman handed Francis the book and took out his wand._

"_Russia and America, two souls I need_

_One has violence, the other has greed._

_One is creepy, the other is not._

_And one situation can stir the pot._

_Birthday cake, birthday cake_

_Started it all_

_Birthday cake, birthday cake_

_Will end this brawl._

_Please hear me out._

_Come to my house_

_And into my basement_

_To figure this out._

_Switch the two_

_Imbeciles_

_So that there is peace._

_Switch the two_

_Imbeciles_

_So this fighting will cease._

_I HAVE SUMMONED YOU FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL!_

_SHOW YOURSELF!"_

_England made a dramatic hand movement as the whole basement lit up green. There was a blinding light that shone throughout the area. Once it was faded, the pentagon on the floor lit up. France and England watched, mystified as a shadowy pitch black figure started to emerge from the ground._

_The figure looked a lot like what Russia would be as a shadow, only with glowing purple eyes. The shadow demon was born. It looked around before glaring at England._

"_Look, Russia, I know you're still mad about that vodka incident, but I really need you!" England chuckled nervously. "So how about it?" He offered a hand to shake. The shadow demon just looked at England. It obviously still held a grudge over this incident…_

"_Angleterre, where is Monsieur Alfred?" France interrupted. As soon as the shadow demon heard Alfred's name, it was set to leave. But then England grabbed its arm._

"_Where do you think you're going? Please stay here! I need you for a spell that could resolve your problems with the git."_

_Now the demon was interested. It tilted its head to the side as if it were asking 'how'. England smiled. "To resolve your differences with Alfred, we could switch your bodies! Then we could change you into other things so that we keep this up! It will be perfect!"_

_Shadow Russia decided to stay, but also made a questioning movement. 'Where is Alfred?' is what that translated to._

"_Oh, here he is!" France pointed to the basement door as Shadow Demon America comes waltzing into the room with a shadow milkshake. It walked up next to Shadow Russia and nonchalantly waved. Then it started to slurp up all of its milkshake, taking its sweet time doing so. After a whole minute of slurping while the others became irritated, it threw the cup behind its back and looked at Shadow Russia. It then proceeded to freak out. 'What is he doing here?!'_

_After a bit of explaining (and convincing), the two shadow demons agreed to this little adventure and transformed into each other. They transformed again into crows and flew off to their new respective bodies._

_England smiled proudly. "Well, that's that!"_

"_Now can we go upstairs and use one of those restraining order passes?" France begged as they left the basement. England sighed. "You know you don't need a pass. I swear, if I'm not limping when you're done with me, I will rip off your vital regions."_

"_Ohohohohohohohon~ I will not let you down!"_

_And so they went upstairs to have a little fun, unaware of the spilled potion and its creation…_

_**A COUPLE OF WEEKS LATER…**_

_England was now transforming Russia and America into cats. His spell went a little like this:_

"_Soft kitty_

_Warm kitty_

_Little ball of fur,_

_Happy kitty_

_Sleepy kitty_

_Purr, purr, purr…"_

_The potion had created a portal to a parallel universe unlike this one. It is a dark, and totally opposite world where Italy is a psycho-killer and England actually cooks well. This is the 2P universe… And little did they know, this would be the transformation of transformations. This would cause total chaos…_

**America's House, Noon**

Ivan woke up with a terrible headache. He also found himself in an unfamiliar place. "Huh? Where the hell am I?"

"Apparently at my place, Hot Stuff."

Ivan quickly turned around and glared at Alfred. He noticed that Alfred didn't really look like Alfred. First of all, he was brunette instead of dirty blonde. And his eyes were red. Plus, Texas was now a pair of sunglasses. Alfred spun a bat with nails in it around with his hands. Ivan rolled his eyes. "Don't call me that. What happened to you? And your house?"

"I know just about as much about this as you do. Except I know more. We defeated our parallel selves and took over their bodies. Now we're in the 1P universe."

"How did you get all that information?"

"Tony told me."

As Alfred said that, the small alien popped out of nowhere and mumbled a stream of curses under his breath.

"Oh…"

Alfred grinned and walked off to the kitchen to get something to eat. Ivan just sat down on the couch next to Mr. Cuddles. The little cat mewed happily and purred. But Ivan just stared at the cat before turning away. Five seconds later, he heard Alfred groaning in the kitchen.

"Ugh… There's nothing but junk food in here!" He shouted as he stormed out of the kitchen. Alfred grabbed Ivan's arm and attempted to drag him out of the house. "C'mon, Snowflake, we're getting something to eat."

"Don't call me that, either. I have a name, you pig!"

*WE SHOULD TAKE GLOBAL WARMING AND PUSH IT SOMEWHERE ELSE*

"Do I know you two from somewhere?" A very familiar waitress asked them, her face going pale. Alfred smiled. "I don't think so. But man are you one of the sexiest things that I've seen!"

The waitress giggled, still a little nervous. "What would you like to drink?"

"I'll just have water." Alfred said as he observed himself using a spoon as a mirror. Ivan sighed. "I'll have vodka."

"O-okay…" The waitress darted off towards the kitchen. Ivan looked at himself with a spoon as well. There wasn't much change besides the fact that he had red eyes. He looked up at Alfred to see that the other had disappeared.

'_Oh no… Where the hell did he go now?'_

**And thus, chaos began. I hope you liked this chapter 'cause it will probably be the second to last one of the year. Oh, and the spell where England turned them to the cats was totally stolen from Big Bang Theory. I love that show so much. But I don't own it, so, yeah…**

**How am I with the 2P personalities? It was pretty hard getting information on them… America was pretty easy but I still need help for 2P Russia. Maybe you guys could give me more info?**

**Other than that, I hope your Christmases are magical and awesome!**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	36. The Portal of Chaos Part II

**Twas the night in the graveyard, and all through the crap**

**Not a sound was heard, not even a rat.**

**But there was one grave out of them all**

**It was gray and stone and stood still and tall.**

**And suddenly and hand dug out of the grave and up!**

**The ground shook, trembled, and knocked over a cup!**

**The hand struggled to pull the body out.**

**The undead girl started to scream, started to shout.**

**And once the girl was more out than in,**

**She jumped up and screamed out, "I LIVE AGAIN!"**

**Hey guys! I haven't seen you since last year! I hope your New Year's Day and Christmas were wonderful! Sorry for being dead for a while. Life was really hectic. But, hey, I'm back! In celebration of such a reunion, I'm gonna give you the most chaotic chapter ever!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a lot of stuff. But when I do… It's usually from someone else.**

"Alfred, where did that dinosaur come from?" was the first thing out of Ivan's mouth when he saw his 2P friend riding a raptor. Alfred laughed obnoxiously. "I don't know! I just found him and thought, 'Hey look a dinosaur! Let's get on its back and ride it around!'"

Ivan just looked at him. But then he heard a loud roar behind him. Both Alfred and Ivan turned around to see a small kitten. It mewed happily, but then pointed to the sky. Hesitant, the nations looked up to see none other than Godzilla. "RAWR!" Godzilla, well, roared. Alfred's eyes widened, but Ivan just glared at it. Suddenly, a portal appeared next to them and a very confused and crazy looking Japan popped out of it, landing in Ivan's arms. Japan looked at Ivan with psychotic eyes and grabbed his face. "Tell me sir! What year is it?!"

"2012, last time I checked…" Ivan answered. Japan stared at him for a moment. Then a creepy smile spread across his face. "YES! IT WORKED!" Japan jumped out of Ivan's arms and bolted, cheering happily. That got a few weird looks from other people but that didn't last long for the fact that there were more pressing matters to deal with such as Godzilla. The monster rampaged through the city as portals of more and more people and nations and animals popped up out of nowhere. Alfred turned to Ivan. "Okay, something's terribly wrong here…"

"You don't say?" Ivan replied sarcastically. Alfred glared at him and took out his bat. He lifted it and brought it down on Ivan's head…

… Sort of…

A portal decided to show up right before anything could happen, and the original Ivan/Russia popped out of it and landed on the ground with a thud. Then he was hit in the head by the bat. Alfred and Ivan froze when the Russian passed out on the ground. Suddenly, another portal appeared, revealing the original America. Unfortunately for Russia, he landed right on top of him. "Ow…" Russia moaned.

"Oh, sorry bro." America patted Russia on the head before standing up in front of Alfred. "Give me my body back now! Your world is terrible and dark and England gave me a cupcake filled with drugs!" America said that without even stuttering, and of course Alfred was confused. "Why did you eat that crap?"

"Cupcakes are good…"

"No, they're disgusting!"

"You are obviously not me."

"Of course I'm you! I'm your clone…doppelganger…thing…"

"Well if you were, then you would love sweets!"

"Ugh… I'd rather have salad."

"You make me sick." The two Americans growled at each other. But the two Russians just stared at each other. That is, until the raptor roared. America stared at the raptor before suddenly noticing the chaos around them. "Wait, what happened here?"

"That, my terrible clone, is something none of us can answer." Alfred replied with bitterness. Alfred ignored that. "Well this is weird."

More and more things from other dimensions, times frames, and universes began showing up. Christopher Columbus was trying to take in this new world he found. Napoleon was demanding respect from a few people. Hitler was running away from some very angry Jewish people. Joseph Stalin was arguing with Abraham Lincoln, despite the fact that they never met before. The Wright Brothers where crying tears of joy at an airplane flying overhead trying to shoot at Godzilla. And even video game characters such as Link, Mario and Luigi, Star fox, Kirby, Scorpion, and Pikachu were all in an epic fight. Russia stood up and opened his mouth to say something, but a small portal summoned and eagle looking similar to America. The eagle sat on his shoulder and screeched in his ear. Russia sighed as America laughed at him. A huge portal appeared over America's head as it summoned a polar bear with familiar violet eyes. America's eyes widened and the bear crashed down on top of him. It was Russia's turn to laugh.

The 2Ps watched the whole scenario in confusion. "I'm seriously confused." Ivan stated. "Well maybe we should find some answers." Alfred said, "Someone's got to know what's going on!"

"Da!" both Russians said. They all ran off to go look for someone, leaving America behind under the polar bear. The bear grunted. "Ugh…" he moaned.

*EVERYBODY WAS KUNG-FU FIGHTING*

"Li, what's going on?" Belarus clung onto Hong Kong's arm while waving a knife at a rabid bunny rabbit. It had familiar grey fluffy fur and a blue bow on its head; its eyes were an icy blue color…

Almost like Belarus…

Hong Kong frowned. _'It kinda reminds me of you…'_

"Yeah… Actually it might be me in bunny form." Belarus stopped waving the knife and reached out to pick up the rabbit. It growled and snapped at her fingers. Belarus snatched the bunny up without getting hurt, however. "You're not biting me any time soon! Hey, Hong Kong, would you like some rabbit soup for dinner? Don't even answer that. I'll get the stew ready immediately!"

The rabbit didn't look so angry anymore. Belarus laughed. "I'm just kidding! Why would I cook myself?"

The rabbit sighed in relief and was given a doll that looked like Russia. "Here." The rabbit happily played with the doll as Belarus and Hong Kong tried to get a llama off the front porch.

*MR. SAXOBEAT*

Antarctica was a short, independent fellow who lived with his one penguin named Killer. With snow white hair and icy white eyes, he is a mysterious man who refuses to give the scientists any information on his continent. He wears heavy clothing even though he can survive the freezing temperatures without a problem in only his underwear. Of course he wouldn't do that because the animals would laugh at him but it's possible. You're probably wondering why I'm talking about Antarctica, huh? Well…

"Oh God, it's so fucking cold!"

"Watch your language, idiot!"

"Why? Are there young children around that shouldn't hear such things? Or will I offend the penguins?"

"Shut it, you two! We need to find information! Antarctica holds the world's biggest secrets!" Ivan shouted at the Americans. Alfred and America fumed but shut their mouths. Russia walked up to Ivan. "So how will we find him in this vast landscape?"

"Oh we'll find him."

"Is that him?" America asked, pointing to a short man in heavy clothing made of animal skins. "Who else would it be?" Alfred questioned. He then proceeded to shout out, "GET HIM!" and run towards the Antarctician (?). But Ivan easily stopped him by grabbing him by his bomber jacket. "Calm down. Antarctica is a timid creature that can bolt at any second."

America laughed. "That's your Antarctica! Ours isn't afraid of anyone. YO ANT!"

Antarctica turned around to see the four of them. He waved and began to walk towards them. "Hi? What happened? Did they invent cloning technology already?"

"Well, yes, but that's not what happened. There is chaos all around the rest of the world and we have no idea what's going on. Your place is the only calm area! Do you have the answer?" Russia asked. Antarctica shook his head. "Nope! Nothing here!" Alfred screamed. "THAT'S BULLSHIT!"

Antarctica put up his hands as a peace motion. "Okay, you got me. I'll tell you the answer. But first, let's get somewhere warm before your frigid little bodies freeze to death."

Although they were kind of angry at that remark, they didn't protest.

*OOOOOOO~ WHATCHYA SAY~*

"Breaking News! The entire world is in chaos and no one knows the source. Some say it's the end of the world. Other say it's one person's sick dream and the world will be back to normal when they wake up."

"Let's hope it's the ladder, right Mika?"

"Shut up Joe."

Poland sighed and stared at the TV screen blankly. "This is like, totally lame… Is there anything better on this stupid television?" As Poland flipped through the channels, a familiar bear and 2P Estonia went up behind him with baseball bats in their hands. Poland slowly turned around when he heard the two snicker. Then he screamed like a little girl in a horror movie and attempted to run away. But the bear grabbed him by his shirt and held him up, allowing 2P Estonia to hit Poland with a bat.

Wait…

That's not 2P Estonia…

*SHUT UP!*

Germany knew of the chaos around him, but decided to ignore it and finish his "paperwork". It was actually a really difficult puzzle the Germany was dying to solve, but still…

Suddenly, his cell phone rang, revealing the caller ID that said "Pasta Lover". Germany debated whether or not he should answer Italy's call. At the fourth ring, he answered.

"Hallo, Italy. What do you want?"

"GERMANY! GERMANY! I WAS-A COOKING PASTA WHEN IT JUST STARTED TO GROW REALLY, REALLY BIG! NOW IT HAS REALLY SCARY GLOWING GREEN EYES AND IT'S TRYING TO EAT ME! HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLP!"

"Italy, slow down. I can't understand you if you keep crying."

"I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR SLOWING DOW-"

Before Italy could finish, connection was lost. Germany stared at the phone for a while. Then he rolled his eyes and continued on his puzzle.

Japan watched the whole scene with a blank face.

*CHARLIE, LET'S GO TO CANDY MOUNTAIN, CHARLIE*

"Alright, idiots! Here we are!" Antarctica happily stated as he walked into a very dark cave. It was covered in ice, but Antarctica didn't seem to mind. As for the rest of nations, they followed inside, shivering like Chihuahuas. Antarctica turned towards them even though it was too dark to tell. "Oi, watch your step. It's very slippery. Actually, do as I do!" Antarctica slid down the tunnel of the cave and shouted out, "WEEEEEEEEEE! Come along pussies! Don't be scared!"

"I don't like this Antarctica…" Alfred mumbled. Ivan rolled his eyes and pushed the American down the tunnel. He smiled at the sound of Alfred screaming. He then slid down himself, followed by America and Russia.

The tunnel led to a rather nice living room with a couch and a fireplace and even a flat screen TV. A small penguin was lounging on the couch, flipping through the channels for something worth watching. Using a lantern that was hanging on a cave wall, Antarctica led them down to the deepest, darkest area of the cave. There was a crude wooden door at the end of the tunnel they travelled.

"Here it is…" Antarctica unlocked the door and motioned for them to follow him into the next room. This is the room of wonders. It holds the answers to the world's questions. "Have a look around, if you promise to tell no one of these secrets." Antarctica seemed to be threatening them more than inviting them.

Ivan saw a book on a desk that was titled "The Meaning of Life" and picked it up. Curious, he opened it to see only one page. On the top, in big, bold digits, was the number 42. Under it was a whole essay on why 42 was the meaning of life. Ivan looked at the book weirdly and shrugged it off, setting the book back down.

"Hey get over here!" Antarctica shouted at all the reading nations. They all obeyed and surrounded a small treasure chest. Antarctica blew the dust off of it and opened it. After about three minutes of digging through old junk, he took out some kind of radar or detector. "Ah, here it is! This will help you find the source of the chaos, the chaos portal."

"What's that?" Russia asked. America groaned when Antarctica pulled up a chair and sat in it, putting on some glasses.

"Great… Now he's gonna tell us a story…" America complained. "Sit and be quiet!" Antarctica harshly snapped at everyone. They all obliged and listened to the story. Antarctica smiled.

"Long, long ago…"

_**FLASHBACK**_

"An old Englishman was bored of normal things in life like scones and working." Antarctica narrated, "So he decided to try something new."

"_I know this may be too much to ask, but can I please have something new to try?!" the old man yelled at the sky, getting a few weird looks from a few nearby people. Then suddenly, huge storm clouds formed in the sky. Fire spun in those clouds. Acid rain fell to the earth below, killing the nearby pedestrians, but the old man did not get hurt. That is, until he was struck by lightning._

_The day after, he woke up from his coma to find out that he had the power of black magic. There were two things next to him on the ground: a wand… and a mysterious bottle filled with a purple liquid. It was labeled: __**Portal of Chaos WARNING: Do not open! Seriously, you'll get killed.**_

_But the old man didn't listen. He pulled the cork off of the potion, and the chaos portal was born._

"To make a long story short, the portal wreaked havoc and chaos throughout the entire world. The man had to use a rewind potion that turned everything back to normal and returned the portal to the bottle. It was kept safe within the British for centuries, and now belongs to the Kirklands!" Antarctica answered almost all of the other nations' questions.

… Except one…

"How do we get this 'rewind potion' to stop this chaos?" America demanded, grabbing Antarctica by his coat. The cold continent smiled. "That belongs to England as well! You have to go to England's house to stop this! And you must do it before Friday!"

America dropped Antarctica a gasped. Everyone made their way out of the cave in a rush to realize that they were in a vast land of ice. Since the plane they took crashed, there was no way out! America groaned. "Oh no, how are we going to get there on time?"

"How about these bad boys?" Alfred pointed to a friendly pair of Pterodactyls. Russia and Ivan exchanged glances. Antarctica just went back to his cave. And America grinned from ear to ear.

"Perfect…"

**YAY FOR LONG CHAPTERS! I'm so glad that I finally finished this… I hope you liked it! And if you didn't…**

**That makes me sad…**

**Since I don't really have much else to say…**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	37. Resolution

**Wow I've been dead for quite a while, eh?**

**I have excuses!**

**You see, a couple of months ago, I got a Tumblr. And it was like a total addiction. Also, I got into Homestuck, which is a very bad combination when you have a fanfic to finish! I'M NOT DEAD YET! THIS WILL BE FINISHED!**

**I noticed that a lot of people were confused last chapter, so here.**

**France spilled the potion, opening a portal from a new world, the 2P universe. Alfred and Ivan escaped from the 2P universe. They beat up the demon souls of America and Russia and took over their bodies. The demons are transported to the 2P universe. They come back when the portal goes mad. Why does everything go screwy? The 2Ps have disrupted the peace and order of the universe. Then dinosaurs and Godzilla and other things from other universes suddenly show up. It's up to Alfred, Ivan, America, Russia, England, and France to stop it. And that leads us here!**

**You probably didn't bother to read that, but whatever. Here's the story!**

**Disclaimer: I ran out of things to say here.**

After a long and painful ride, the quartet finally made it to Washington DC, England's place. America kicked down the door to catch England and France fighting off a ton of trolls. The quartet wasn't going to take any of this shit. Alfred immediately put a fist up in the air and shouted out, "KAPHERBLAZEN!"

All of the trolls disappeared…

"Wow, it worked!" Alfred laughed.

England looked up at the Americans and Russians and gulped. "Oh, h-hello there…" America stomped up to England and picked him up by his neck. "You will turn us back to normal or so help me I'll murder France and cut him into pieces. I will then stuff all of his dead, raw meat into your mouth and make you choke over them. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?!" England gulped louder this time and nodded. America let him go, and England immediately led them to the basement door. He tried to open it, but it wouldn't. He tried again with no avail. He then backed up and tried to tackle the door down, only to end up lying on the floor in pain. Ivan rolled his eyes and pulled the door open. They all walked in (France had to carry England).

They next thing they saw was devastating…

*DO THE WINDY THING*

The portal went crazy! It was like some kind of mini hurricane in a small basement full of breakable potions. They flew everywhere, breaking on the walls and spilling. Good thing they weren't acidic…

"Yo…." Alfred commented, wide eyed and quite surprised. The portal grew larger and angrier every second, its color changing from a pretty and reassuring swirly purple to a violent and raging red.

"YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Alfred exclaimed.

England stepped forward and said to the portal, "OH BULLOCKS PLEASE CALM DOWN!"

The portal didn't listen. Why? Because it's a fucking portal. It can't hear anyone.

Russia turned to England. "Do you have rewind potion or something of sorts?"

"No, you idiot! Did Antarctica tell you about that crap? It's a myth! The only way to reverse this is to restore the order by bringing the second players into the portal. That means they have to jump in!" England dodged a flying Guinea Pig.

"WE HAVE TO DO WHAT?" Alfred shouted over the wind and breaking glass. England glared at him. As did Ivan. Alfred looked at the portal. Then he looked at England. Then he looked back at the portal. "Oh hell to the no…"

"Just do it and you'll go back to normal!" America screamed.

"Da! We will push you in portal if you do not go!" Russia shouted.

"AAAAAAAIIEEEEEEEEE! MY CLOAK!" France reached out for his cloak, which had flown away from him, and tripped, falling in the portal. England panicked. "FRANCE NO!"

Everyone stood there in a tense silence, waiting to hear something from France. Nothing….

"Oh, c'est quoi?" (Oh, what's this?) (Or something like that) France called out from the portal. Five seconds later, he came out with his beloved cloak. "I thought I lost you forever!"

All the others rolled their eyes.

England pushed Alfred, who held his ground surprisingly well. "Go on then! Get in! The French pansy is brave enough to do it, you can too!"

"Hey!" France cried out, totally ignored. Ivan, who was silently murdering everyone in the room in his head, finally said aloud, "The France of our universe is not necessarily a pansy…"

"Who cares? Go!" England shoved both of them closer to the portal. Alfred and Ivan looked at each other. Alfred then motioned towards the portal, "Ladies first!"

Ivan stared at Alfred for a full ten seconds. Then he pushed him into the portal. Alfred screamed and fell in. Ivan saluted his alternate personalities and the Europeans before jumping in himself.

The portal froze.

Everything froze except for the remaining nations.

Outside, in the world, everyone froze.

Everything was silent.

Then America said, "What the fu-"

And suddenly, everything was rewinded. Godzilla went back to the fantasy world, where he belonged. All the video game characters went back to their places. All the historical figures went back to their times, not remembering anything that recently happened. The Great Wall of China was no longer in Paris. Everything returned to its original state. All memory of the chaos disappeared. Everything disappeared into a white blank slate. Then returned through a huge timeline of important events. The death of the dinosaurs… Pangaea separating… Human civilization… The plague, the renaissance, Imperialism, Nationalism, The Revolutionary Wars all around the World, The Civil War, WWI, WWII, The Cold War, The Space Race, The falling of the Berlin Wall, 9/11, Everything that adds up to today.

England's entire basement was cleaned. America and Russia still looked like their 2P versions because of their soul switching though…

"Eh…" England stared at them. "I can fix this, don't worry."

After a bit of spell babbling, they were normal again. America and Russia smiled. France hugged England. England punched France. Everyone was happy.

That is, until America grabbed England's wand. "My turn…"

"What are you doing with that?" England asked nervously. "Let's not make any hasty decisions here, okay?"

America grinned and pointed the wand at England. "I wish you could totally croak!"

"_ZAP!"_

Russia and France gasped. Then England croaked.

"_Bloody. Ribbit."_

France laughed out loud. "GUESS WHO THE FROG IS NOW!"

*I WARNED YOU ABOUT THE STAIRS BRO*

**I told you, dawg. Sorry for the shortness and the terribleness. I want to finish this as soon as possible. There is an epilogue and a bonus chapter after this.**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	38. The Fucking End

**This story is coming to an end! This is the last official chapter but there will be a bonus just for you guys. Well, let the epilogue begin!**

**Disclaimer: When I finish this story, one thing I will not miss is writing these. Everyone knows I don't own the show what idiot writes a fanfiction about their own show.**

**Is it me or is season 5 a lot gayer than the previous seasons?**

It has been seven years since France's birthday party that turned into chaos. It's been seven years since America and Russia's body switch. It's been seven years since Russia had asked England to make one more transformation after he had recovered from his frog spell.

It's been seven years since America literally beat Russia to a pulp for getting her pregnant.

Good times.

The family now finds themselves sitting on a park bench eating ice cream. Russia had a vodka flavored vanilla cone (he added his own twist to it). America had a superman flavored ice cream cone. And…

Alaska had chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.

They sat there in peace, watching the birds fly and the butterflies flutter around. They watched people walk by with their pretty dogs with bedazzled collars. Kids darted around here and there, playing tag. America finally broke the peace when he reached over his son to stick the ice cream in Russia's hair.

Alaska giggled a little bit and Russia smiled. It wasn't a genuine one either. It was a playful "I will rip your heart out" smile. He stood up and grabbed America. With a grin on his face, he stuffed the ice cream down the American's pants. Alaska burst out laughing as America cried and squirmed.

They weren't the perfect family, but they were happy.

*THIS IS STUPID*

As for Prussia and Canada, America never approved of them completely. He always harassed Prussia. But it's not like the Prussian didn't do the same thing in return. Canada and Russia got along fairly well, and would often watch America and Prussia argue over who's awesomer.

Kumajirou acted as a child for Prussia and Canada. He was an incredibly forgetful child, but a child nonetheless.

*TUMBLR PEOPLE ARE AWESOME BUT THEY'RE CRAZY*

Hong Kong and Belarus surprisingly enough ended up in a successful relationship. The two of them decided to open up a weapons shop. They sold antique and high-quality knives along with special fireworks around holidays. They never had a child because Hong Kong has morals. Besides, both of them knew Belarus would stab the brat before it even grew up.

*I THINK I WILL STOP WITH THE TRANSITIONS AND JUST USE PARAGRAPHS*

Sparta and Aphrodite were kinda on and off with their relationship. While Sparta was training-err-raising the children, Aphrodite would go out and disappear for days at a time. He often accused her of cheating, but she was just hunting. They would switch roles every now and then, of course.

Greece and Turkey were also on and off. This made Japan very nervous because they were constantly fighting over him again. They would go back to being with each other and constantly switch. But this made them happy. They loved each other no matter what.

Italy and Germany were always together. That's not gonna change.

2P Alfred an Ivan ended up in a relationship. They both realized how much they had in common. They were also trapped in Arthur's basement for a full week and had to keep warm somehow. Alfred found it cute that Ivan was too stubborn to cuddle.

Poland and Lithuania discovered that things weren't working out. Lithuania went off on his own (he thinks that he really needs to be alone and stop with the relationships) while Poland had a love/hate relationship with Estonia. Didn't see that one coming, did you?

France and England, well, they became the matchmakers of the world. They used their magic to match people up and get them in scenarios where they had to get along. France would find two perfect people and England would do his magic. Of course, they didn't go too far like what happened seven years ago (They agreed to never speak of it again).

All in all, everyone gets a somewhat happy ending. Of course it wasn't all happy. Relationships have their flaws. Nations do as well. And we all know the moral to this story.

Love is love, no matter the way, shape, or form.

***cries because I know the ending is corny and stupid and bad***

**I just wanted to get done with it. There is one more chapter if you want it. It depends on what you guys want. If you want one more, then tell me in the reviews. Say nothing if I don't need another chapter. Well, I'm gonna go on Tumblr.**

**Hasta la pasta!**


	39. The Freaky Finale

**GUYS THIS IS MY FIRST FINISHED FANFICTION. HOLY SHIT IT'S ALSO MY FIRST FANFICTION. WAIT. That's insignificant…**

**Disclaimer: No.**

So this is basically all the forgotten parts, bloopers, and deleted scenes. Starting from chapter 1 to chapter idefk I lost count.

**End of Chapter 1: England's suggestion**

France heaved out a deep sigh as he continues to scrub the cake off the walls. "Those two argue like a married couple… Sometimes I wish they could grow to understand each other so we can stop being stuck in the middle of their endless sexual tension…" England looked up from cleaning the floors, taking out his trusty wand. He grinned and turned to France.

"That can be arranged…"

**Are we there yet? : Squirrel incident in detail**

Before they could make it to the beach, they had to stop for gas. Canada stepped outside the car to go get some stuff from the convenience store. That left Prussia to take care of gas. He stepped out of the car, but not before glaring at the two little kids. "I'm watching you little fuckers, you hear?"

Alfred and Ivan both nodded, smiling innocently.

Prussia rolled his eyes and started doing the thing. Yeah, you all know how getting gas works. While Prussia was waiting, Alfred and Ivan got out of the car and started running around. Prussia yelled, but was in no mood for chasing, so he just watched them run around stupidly. Then he lost interest and watched the numbers on the gas-giver thing rise in dread. Gas prices these days…

Alfred managed to catch a squirrel while running, so what does he do? Shove the angry rodent down Prussia's pants, of course! He and Ivan burst out laughing as Prussia started running around in circles and dancing as the squirrel scurried all over his body. Prussia blindly tripped over the wire-pipe thing that connected to car to the machine, disconnecting them and causing gas to spill all over the ground. Prussia slipped in it, and got soaked in gas. The squirrel crawled out of Prussia's shirt and scurried away, covered in the unpleasant liquid as well. Alfred and Ivan quickly got inside the car and waited innocently for Canada. It just so happens that Canada walks out as soon as they got inside, so he didn't see a thing. He stared at Prussia, sighed, shook his head, and set down the snacks in the back seat for Alfred and Ivan to eat. He then walked up to Prussia, stopped the flow of gas, paid for it, then scolded Prussia for being clumsy and wasting money. It was then when Prussia realized how much he hated everything.

**Ancient Greece: A nonexistent chapter**

I was going to make an entire chapter based off of Greece's cats. But then I was lazy so yeah… Have a clip of Ares and Pericles.

Ares lay there on the ground, stalking a certain red enemy that he was never able to catch. Well today's the day he catches that little shit. The glowing red dot moved around in quick circles, taunting him. Just as he's about to go for it, the most annoying of the cats sneaks up on him.

"Good day, Hades. Actually, is it a good day? Is it daytime? What would it be like from the sun's perspective? What if-"

"Jesus fucking Christ shut _UP _Pericles! Can't you see I'm hunting?!"

"Hades, I am blind. I can't see that."

"You sure don't act like it…" Ares grumbled as he continued to stalk his target. Pericles was born a blind cat, Ares being his eyes. They have an odd platonic relationship where they both keep each other in check (Kind of like a morial. Okay, I'll stop with the Homestuck references.) Because of his lack of ability to see, Pericles often asks a lot of questions and observes things violently. He also overthinks everything. Pericles snickered a bit. "Chasing the red dot again, huh? Hades, you will never catch it because it is light. When you touch it, you feel nothing. It does not exist, Ares."

Ares growled and tried to pounce on Pericles, but instead the blind cat moves to the side, causing Ares to land face-first into the ground. Groaning, Ares glared at Pericles, who smiled down at him. "Ares, it's good to know when you've been defeated."

With that, he licks Ares' cheek and cuddles with him. Tsundere little Ares tried to pretend he wasn't there. And failed.

**Belarus' Revenge: Alt. Ending**

Okay, so I was really mad one day, and I typed this up. But then I thought that was way too mean, and I wanted about everyone to have a happy ending, so I didn't do it. I love Bella too much for that anyways, but here it is.

Belarus the bunny rabbit had tried to burn down the capitalist pig's house (too lazy to go in detail), but then got caught. Now she sits outside in the grass, sobbing quietly. "I j-just w-want Big Brother to love me… What am I doing wrong?"

She hears a loud noise coming from her left and looked up. Huge jaws of metal chopped the blades of grass into short, tame blades. And the jaws grew closer. Belarus sniffled and held her paws and stubby little arms out.

"Hug?" the bunny said to the oncoming lawnmower, tears in her eyes.

**Extra pony chapter**

Was gonna do this, but everyone kept whining about getting the 2Ps so I didn't.

Bitch.

**Alt. 2P ending: Last few chapters**

It was originally going to be the 2Ps fucking around with the other nations and trolling them, even the 1Ps in the 2P world, but then I didn't know all that much about the 2Ps and I wanted more action and randomness. So the chaos portal happened, and it tied everything up using magic. Or, at least I thought it did.

**Rejected transformations:**

Dragons

Fire and ice breathing powers

Elementals

Nekos

Dog ears and dog tails

Eagle and a bear

Vehicles

Food

Colors

I hope you realize that a few of these aren't actually ideas of mine.

**Alt. Ending**

I was gonna do this, but it would've left us with so many unanswered questions, so…

France calmly sat the in his favorite armchair, reading a romance novel. He felt England's hand softly touch his shoulders. France chuckled and turned to give him a kiss, but then froze because THAT WAS NOT ENGLAND.

"Would you care for a cupcake, dear?" England (?) said in a sickly-sweet tone. France was absolutely mortified.

"_**EEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" **_

**AND ROLL CREDITS! The end! I hope you guys liked it! For all of you who read, favorite, followed, and reviewed, I hope you find $20 on the ground someday and never step on a Lego again. I love you all and thank you so much for 300 REVIEWS. Wow you kids are crazy!**

**Thank you for everything. This is possibly my last Hetalia story. Live on, my lovelies.**

**With love,**

**Pasta.**


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